Wrong Thought

Most people have no idea what it means to let other’s know they love them because they always think those people will be there. I have learned how precious time is when I lost my entire family in the last five years. Do you have any idea what it feels like to make Thanksgiving dinner and you are the only eating it?

Do you have any idea what it is like to be in front of the tv or computer eating dinner alone? Do you have any idea what it is like to spend holidays alone? I’m not even putting up an xmas tree this year and didn’t last year either because no one cares, the kids don’t care and I cannot do it alone so I don’t bother.

The holidays no longer are fun or exciting for me and the most excitement I have had this month is chatting with some guys on topface.  Of course they are all lieing and probably scammers and that is one thing I have “him” to thank for. I have learned so much about scammers that I have to be thankful to him.

I no longer get scammed and I no longer believe anything anyone says to be online. I invited Mr. Soccer for Thanksgiving dinner, do you think he will fly in from Dubai? I have no doubt he will and I have even washed sheets for his arrival, NOT. These guys think I fell off the turnip truck but they do not know the truth, I own the truck.

Never Single

When people ask me what my marital status is I am not sure how to answer. Am I a widow, a deceased man’s wife or am I single? How can I be single but have children-wouldn’t that make me a three-pack? I will never put my children aside for a man, they are all I have and I am all they have.

My family all decided they like hanging together at the cemetery and I will be sitting here by myself on Thanksgiving because I want my daughter to have a “normal” Thanksgiving where there is a real dinner and pies.

I have lost my desire to cook or bake and that is not a good sign. I adore baking and cooking and I get such pleasure from feeding other’s. This year will be an empty lonely day that I am still waiting for this surprise to show up on my doorstep.

I haven’t told you about the surprise? Several weeks before my birthday (which I spent alone) on November 9-someone contacted me on my facebook I think and said they had a surprise for me. Well, true to form no surprise showed up, like I am stifling my shock, right?

I really need to learn not to let myself look forward to things because it never happens. The surprise lie package I call it. No surprises come my way because they are either non existent or I already know about them, ya it’s called psychic ability.

Just Another Fantasy

Through out our lives we fantasize about so many different things and the number one is love, all of us want and need love. The internet has broken up more marriages than can be counted and we search for our fantasy online now.

I did just that, and yes I found my fantasy but that was all it was, just a faceless name, a scammer, liar, a con. The sad thing is he is a good person trying to redeem himself and only God knows if that is possible.

I do not judge him as I do not wish to be judged but he gave me what I needed when I needed it but God says to me, “Kimberly go after the real thing” and that is what I am doing. I am no longer satisfied with a random phone call or talking to one of numerous aliases online.

I wish him nothing but love, peace, joy and acceptance of himself for who he is and be thankful for the life he has had. Maybe he will remember me fondly and maybe he won’t but I do not worry about.

It’s a sad ending to a person I love but everything and everyone meets their demise eventually and this “relationship” has ran it’s course. I have let it go with the wind as if it were a leaf and it will land elsewhere and go back into the earth.

I am not someone who wishes ill upon others and I am always happy when they achieve their goals, win something or have something wonderful happen to them. I am not envious of anybody and do not wish to have more than I do .

I once let money lead my life but since I have lost my entire family I have realized that having a full table at Thanksgiving is more important than a fancy car, home and a bank full of paper.

My priorities have changed over the years and I have grown so much as a human being that I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved by myself and for my family. I will never be one to want a man to support me other than emotionally and no I don’t want anything more than love and inner peace.