So You Want It?

People want, want, want-they want to be wealthy, thin, beautiful, live the high life, own homes and car and closets full of clothes. I learned that none of this is important because it gives you nothing but instant satisfaction. Sure buying shit makes us feel good but at the end of the day there is no emotion from these items.

I look at what is really important in life and that is people, people give hugs and kisses, people give empathy and understanding and people are what makes life worth living. Some of us want people we can’t have and there are people who want us but we do not want them.

I no longer want to let anyone near my heart because they do not appreciate what I have to offer as a person. My circle is extremely small because I like my solitude and privacy. I am learning that love always has a price tag and that is hurt, I no longer will let anyone near me because all they do is use me and lie to me.

I am so innocent on several levels but emotionally I am very weak and need to be nurtured. All of us need to be loved and nurtured but the pain it can cause us makes some of us want to forget it ever existed. The person that I have had feelings for is wealthy and famous but he is finding out not even his standing in life can make his private life any happier.

Take your money and wipe your ass with it, take your private jet and fly the skys until you run out of gas because you are headed for the side of a mountain. You are not special, you are not different, you have just been dealt a hand to make your life easier but are you happier?

If money makes you happy then you are shallower than any person I may know, and no I do not want your money or standing in life, in fact I no longer want you because I am finally seeing you for the person you are, which is nothing to me or my life. I am hurt but will get over it but will you get over no longer having me to chat with or play or little boy games.

You have hurt me so bad and do not even care but once you are hurt it’s a different story now isn’t it? You do not enjoy feeling emotional pain anymore than I do but you do not appreciate who I am and what I have to offer as a person, lover or friend. Go on your way and do not look back because I will no longer be standing there.

I Wonder

I know you are sleeping at this moment and I wonder if you are sleeping next to her. I wonder if your arm is around her belly swollen with your child. I wonder if you are going to marry her and I wonder how I fit in your life. Do I fit in your life or am I just entertaining.

Do you care at all for me? Do you love me or think you are in love with me? If you think you are then you must meet me to know for sure. Are you afraid that reality may ruin your fantasy? Is it safer for you to stalk me online and watch from a distance?

What do you want from me? You see the personal hell I deal with day in and day out and you do nothing to help me. Am I not worth helping? Loving? I’m only one person trying to make it on my own and it’s damn hard and you make it harder. Make my life easier and talk to me, tell what is really going on and where I stand if I stand at all.

I am not sitting around waiting for you to knock on my door, no I am trying to deal with all the things happening in my life. If someone comes into my life and there’s an attraction then I’m gone simple as that. Life must move on and that includes my own.