The Year Of Nots

She woke up Christmas morning and blinked twice as she listened to her dogs wanting to go out. She turned over in bed and thought to herself “another day another empty holiday.” This was the year of nots, not a happy valentines day, not a happy easter, not a happy birthday, not a happy Thanksgiving and definitely not a Merry Christmas.

They just had no desire to decorate or even put up a tree and she had bought her daughter a new television the month before. Her son wanted for nothing but a few shirts with league of legends characters. 

She got out of bed and let the boys out and she thought to herself that this was not the way a holiday should be. The kids had gotten her nothing and there were no presents under the tree because there had been no tree this year.

She got dressed and took the boys for their morning walk which was just short of four miles. She then gave her son the package with the shirts she had ordered for him and gave her daughter a planner that she had wanted.

She sat on the couch feeling nothing, absolutely nothing-no sadness, no anger, nothing – not a single emotion. She then got up and put the turkey breast in the oven and a while later she put the potatoes in the oven.

The triple berry pie had been made the night before and she had also made a chocolate cake. The turkey was finally done and she removed it from the oven and let it rest while the dinner rolls baked to a beautiful golden color.

She texted her on which was the standard form of communication between them as he was totally addicted to league of legends. He played the game from morning until night and only came out of his room to use the bathroom or to eat.

They each had a place to sit to eat dinner, her son went to his bedroom as usual, she sat on one couch and her daughter sat on the other. The family co-existed under one roof but the family dynamic had changed long ago.

Her daughter’s boyfriend came and picked her up and she sat on the couch by herself for hours, which was common for her. Her son came downstairs to get a piece of pie and they chatted about the day she had found out about her husband didn’t death.

They didn’t cry and her son had such a vivid memory of what had taken place that day. She on the other hand had forgotten so much and it was no doubt do to the shock of everything she had learned.

Mother and son chatted and walked down memory lane until the son was ready to return to his online game. Mother was left wanting to forget the conversation and to move on. She wanted to open herself up to the new man that was so very interested in her.

They had the same ideals and felt the same way about so many things  but she was afraid to let him get close to her. She was so afraid of getting hurt and even more afraid that the man she had waited for, for so long would finally  come knocking on her door and she would end up hurting the new man.

She hated hurting anyone and she hated hurting herself and all she wanted was to get through the holidays and finally find some peace of mind, some happiness. She was in need of love and a friend and she was finally going to allow someone to be a friend at least.

Words

Words are wonderful tools and without them we would have no communication with one another, which now that I think of it that isn’t a bad idea in many cases. Most people have no interest in words or their meaning and they find no interest in reading what so ever.

I adore words and their meanings and I really adore reading and learning new words. I have a very difficult time meeting people of interest because the lack of wanting to expand the mind is not part of their make-up. I find no interest in listening to people talk endlessly about their work.

I am not stuck up or think I am better than others but I do get so bored with people as they have nothing to say or what they say is so damn repetitive and boring. I love reading and writing and I have a hard time meeting anyone with those interests.

Most people cannot express themselves through the written word and writing is a talent that most do not have. I am not saying I am a fantastic writer as I am not but I can write to a certain degree and if I set my mind to it I could turn my blog erotic fantasy life into a book of short stories, at least I think I could.

My husband always hated to see me read and constantly interrupted me because I found a book more interesting than he was. I never saw him read a newspaper, book, flyer, magazine or anything in the 17 1/2 yrs. of marriage.

When he passed away and I read something I had written just for him and his funeral, I thought to myself the best place for me to put this is in his casket with him. I left the papers in the casket knowing they would turn to ash as his body would do during the cremation.

Without words, life would be rather boring and words are cool, words are unique and words are expressive such as I love you, you are a fucking moron, Let’s have sex. Words are what excites me and to be able to use them to touch another may it be good or bad, words are fun.

Tango

I am starting to understand how the dating process works these days and wow have they changed considerably in the last twenty years. Things are all about sex and that is the beginning of conversations and then you move on to the get to know you phase.

This is all quite backwards to me but I am finding it fun non the less. I don’t know if he realizes I am kidding with him most of the time but I wish I could see his face for his reactions. I’m sure he thinks I’m an arrogant bitch but I do not mean a single thing I type.

I am just messing with him and I think he is starting to pick up on when I’m joking as I am getting more lol’s out of him which means he is understanding my lack of seriousness in our conversations. I’m glad I  can make him laugh and make him feel care free because I know I do.

He needs just to relax and I think I help him accomplish that, at least I hope I do. I think he works way to much and I think he hides in his work as most workaholics do. His hours may be part of his job but he needs to be good to himself.

I’m starting to believe that he has feelings for me and I like talking to him, I can read him very well which is odd but I can tell when he is stressed out and tired. I’m really looking forward to meeting him and just relaxing together and talking and sleeping.

I know I should be excited about sex but I’m not for some reason I’m more interested in knowing about him and making his body and mind relaxed. I really am looking forward to bathing him and lieing in bed together just touching each other.

I know that is being quite idealistic but sometimes two people can communicate so well just by touching and even though we both have a huge sex drive I really look forward to simple times and relaxing. I know that sounds boring as hell but it can be quite nice.

I’m not going to see much of him as it is so I am not interested in going to any place we cannot talk and get to know each other. He seems like a real nice guy and I really like his voice as it is manly yet boyish which I like. He seems to be getting used to talking to me more and he even offered to talk to me after he jacked off but I knew he needed to unwind.

I get the feeling he contacts me as soon as he walks in his door and that’s a nice feeling, real nice feeling. It’s nice to get to know someone without seeing them then there are no preconceived notions and I do not care what he looks like.

He’s tall and I like that, the men in my family were tall and they made me feel safe and protected so I guess that’s the attraction to height. The 28th can’t get here soon enough for me and that is something I am not used to. I am not used to looking forward to something and I like it, I like it a lot.