I can feel the snowflakes landing on my eyelashes and I stick out my tongue in hopes of catching a few random ones. I am lit by the light pole in my yard as I open my arms and twirl embracing the cool night. I decided to take a walk and clear my head because I am a very confused person at this moment.

I push I pull I walk and turn and run back, my head feels like it’s been put in a blender but for some reason I still believe in fate. I belief everything happens for a reason and people come and go for a reason. It infuriates me that I cannot figure out why and it’s hard to accept the fact that it is not for me to know.

I get so angry and really pissed today and I finally realized why, I didn’t take any pain meds and every movement hurts. I took a bath and had my daily chat with”him”. I put on my other site for him to view when he is bored, which appears to be most of the time. I know he thinks Im just another pretty face and hot body but the truth is I can cook and bake as well, in fact cooking in the nude is so fun and maybe one day he will want to partner up but I doubt it.

I have been so damn mean and hateful and confused as well as hurt, this last week fucked up my head so bad I just can’t wrap my brain around it and I am lashing out in the dark because I do not know what else to do.Fate do you belief in fate? My kitchens open so let’s cook baby.

Meaty Carcass

The smallest turkey was huge for my little family of four, I have turkey coming out of my ears and I still cannot throw awau the turkey carcass. I am boiling it right now and the meat will eventually fall off of it and I will have a delicious blend of turkey juices and poultry. This is perfect for soups, turkey pot pie, turkey Tetrazzini and turkey and noodles.

I take this and freeze it in several bags so I have the juices and turkey already for another meal. If you have never made turkey Tetrazzini look up the chicken Tetrazzini recipe and substitute the chicken. It is really good and impressive too, lol and it tastes great. Some people refuse to eat left overs but in this house you eat what is here.

A homemade meal is no longer easy to come by but in my house you will always be served a homemade meal. I have frozen crap in the freezer as well but I prefer the homemade meal. I think most people feel that way and kids, well most kids survive on fast food and they flip over a real meal.

The worse part of any meal for me is doing the dishes, it isn’t fair that I slave over a hot stove and have to do the dishes as well. I think if you cook someone else should do the dishes and put them away. Being stuck preparing the meal and cleaning up afterwards isn’t right and I think it is selfish.

Too Orange

I have never cared for the color orange and Thanksgiving is known for its pumpkin pie. I hate pumpkin pie but I do like sweet potato pie, just replace the pumpking with cooked sweet potatoes.

It has such a great taste and the kids don’t know the difference, Ryan doesn’t like pumpkin pie so I will make lemon meringue for him. Maybe I will make him a chocolate cream pie for a change.

Nobody likes sweet potatoes but me of course and the only thing Ryan will eat is the turkey and maybe a couple of rolls. Shelby is like me and eats like a bird so I have to adjust how much I make.

Bob always ate a lot and Thanksgiving was no different, he loved the pies I made but I could never get him to eat the crust. The pie crust I make is really flaky and very good but most people are used to dry crust.

Bob used to get up at 3 a.m.  and I would catch him eating a huge plate of pie and I just laughed. He really enjoyed those pies and I get a little smile on my face when I think of him eating it because I know he liked it and it made him happy.

I cried a little today and that is the first time in a long time but I realized I am still grieving. The holidays are rough because I am alone but “C” will be here for xmas so I won’t be alone.

“C” is my rock and I am so thankful for him and it feels so good just to lie together and he listens to me. It just feels so good and he is always playing with my hair because he says it is so thick and soft.

He makes me feel good and that is all that is important and even though I just can’t have sex with him maybe it is just something that will happen in time. This is all too weird for me because I am so damn sexual.


Thanksgiving isn’t Thanksgiving unless the dried onions on the green bean casserole commercials. Seriously, have you tasted that shit? How bland, mushroom soup and green beans with onions on top, yum the fuck ee, not.

I feel the same way about the gizzards and heart, I cook them and give them to the cat or dogs. People forget that bag full of the heart and gizzards and that cracks me up.

I am doing a no no, I am thawing my bird and going to debone him and then put half of him back into the freezer. There is just too much turkey there and it will go to waste and I hate wasting anything.

I have been invited over by two people to have dinner but I am going to stay home and cook. I will enjoy the dinner I cooked and thank God for giving me the strength to get through these troubled times.

Tomorrow I will run to the store and finally buy a new mattress for my bed. I got rid of our mattress after Bob passed away. I put one in layaway but had to let it go, I needed the money real bad.

But it is time to get another mattress and I will put this one upstairs for James. It’s good to have James here because he helps watch over Ryan. James talks to Ryan but Ryan doesn’t listen.

Leg For One

I have to put Turkey Tom into the sink of cold water so he will thaw properly. People leave their turkey out on the counter to that which is a terrible way. Fridge or potable water, potable water is clean water, I know that is common sense but you never know how many people will thaw out on the counter top.

Thanksgiving always ends up cracking me up because I know there will be quite a few necks and gizzards cooked in their own bag inside of that bird. People do not know to feel inside that bird for those food items, I boil them for the cat or dog but Bob used to like to eat the neck, my great grandmother did the same thing with chicken.

I have a nice size bird which is actually stupid of me because I will set the table for one and pull out this beautifully cooked bird and wonderful dinner and I will no doubt fill my plate and look at three empty chairs and I will burst out in tears and push my plate away. Damn, I miss my family so much and holidays makes it even tougher

I could go out to eat but that just isn’t Thanksgiving for me, I like the visual and the smells and  I really miss my conversations with different family members and it gets so damn lonely. I push the sadness out of my mind and try to find a movie to watch, I prefer movies because they have no commercials and I like action movies.

It will probably rain on Thanksgiving which will make it so much worse because I love to lie in bed when it is raining and I wish “C” was going to be here but he can’t. 

The Nose Knows

I love food, I love everything about food-buying it, cleaning it, preparing it but most of all I love to serve food. I enjoy the smells of food like bacon cooking in the morning, a steak on the grill or pie in the oven.

When you want to sell a home it’s always best to cook or bake something that smells great because this sets a picture in the mind of the purchaser. The picture is one of their own family being in the house and the memories it may invoke.

There are two things that are totally universal around the world and food is one, the other of course is sex. Food is used to break the ice on a date, show respect to a guest and in my case I love to give my guests items of food they have never tried.

People hear of special foods like creme brulee and they wonder what it tastes like and my guests are always given foods that they usually cannot afford or would never order because they didn’t know what it was.

We even honor the dieing with food, my dad’s last meal was my chili, I make chili that holds up the spoon it is so thick. He loved my fruitcake too and my lemon meringue pies. It’s such a good feeling to see people enjoy something you have cooked just for them.

I decided to clean out my freezer and found a whole beef tenderloin that needed to be cooked so I tossed it in the oven. My friend Janet was over and I had all this meat so I decided to cook up some red, yellow and green bell peppers in butter.

I threw some hoagie buns on the grill and made sandwiches with the peppers and steak and she went nuts. She calls me all the time wanting me to make it again and I gave her my recipe for tres leches which is the best damn cake on earth.

She in turn made it for her boyfriend who went nuts over it. Food is used to make or break a deal and the time spent over a meal is a wonderful occasion at the home, especially during the holidays. Food is something we cannot do without so why not enjoy it with friends and family?


Do you like fudge? I am sure you do, everybody loves chocolate and those that don’t are just missing the greatest thing in the world. I love chocolate but the funny thing is after I make something I have no desire to eat it. I really enjoy cooking and baking and tonight I decided to make some “cheater fudge” which is nothing more  than a can of condensed milk, 12 oz bag of chocolate chips and 4 TBS. of butter.

Microwave that puppy and add walnuts and there you go “cheater fudge”. The way I usually make fudge is cooking it and using a candy thermometer and cooking a sugary chocolate mess into the best damn fudge that your palette has been graced with. I make a lot of creme brulee to because I always have egg yolks available.

I like making berry pies and especially like strawberry rhubarb or real blueberry. I haven’t made a pie for myself in o I don’t know how long it’s been. I really enjoy cooking for someone else and sharing the deserts I make with Rick and Lynn, Rick and I are going to join the rec club and start working out.

I know that is funny but seriously I want to get healthier and lose some of these boobs. The boobs are the first to go when losing weight so that is good for me. Every guy loves big boobs and I have no idea why but a boob turns a guy on, lol. Anyway, Rick and I will keep each other in check. Rick said he bought a meter so he doesn’t walk anymore then a mile lol, I told him I was up to three miles a day last year and I want to get back up to that again.

I think I will join the entire family up as Miss Shelby will be coming home soon and Ryan could join me and Rick walking around the track and then we can go swimming. Ryan is my fish, he loves water and has been a water baby since birth-we always have fun in the pool and it’s great excerise.

Silly Is As Silly Does

Why are people always so serious? So many have their panties in a wad and can’t laugh at a damn thing including themselves. I thrive on stupid silly shit because it makes me laugh and laughter is awesome.

Life has become to demanding and rushed, there are no more leisure strolls and watching the flowers grow, everyone is in such a hurry and rude, damn people have become so rude. People do not like to get stupid because it may “reflect” poorly on them.

Well screw that is what I say, enjoy life and take it in for all it’s worth. Embrace that sunshine and whirl in the wind, smile laugh, laugh a lot.I think people have lost the “fun” in themselves and find something like a picnic by a lake to be to mundane for their lifestyle. I would so love to to have a simple picnic next to a lake, my word that is a great time to me. Yes, I am simple and boring to most, but you know what? I don’t give a damn about anyone else.