The dynamics of the mind are so complex we cannot even begin to scrape the surface of how evil versus good works in the thought pattern. I do not understand the power of evil over good and how people do the things they do to others. I cannot understand how someone can gain such pleasure from hurting others.

I do not understand the how’s or why’s people become serial killers or killers that can mutilate a body. How can someone have that much hate and anger inside of them? How do we punish the sins of the killer? We kill the killer and I do not know how I really feel about that.

Is killing a killer true justice? To let a killer live is an injustice to the deceased but for us to kill that killer are we not committing the same act? The one thing that is done when someone is being killed in prison is everyone pushes a button. No one knows who is the person that pushed the button of final death.This is one of those subjects that you could talk to death.

The truth is never far from the surface but getting through that tough veneer isn’t so easy. I just do not have the answers to so many questions and I question so much. If you have not lived it, how can you judge it?


Murder In The Black

Have you ever wanted to leave all the ugliness in your life behind? Have you ever wanted to escape from the memories as if they were a black hand reaching up for you out of the ground? Have you tried to run in your dreams from what haunts you and makes life scary? I want to murder in the black.

I want to disintegrate all that has been such an ugly reminder of days long pass. I do not want my relationships tainted by what will never change. I also have to remind myself that it’s those very moments I want to erase that has helped shape who I am today. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could keep the could and murder in the black the memories that are so ugly?

I feel a bit like a young school girl who is innocent and fresh, even though I am so far from it. I like this light and airy feeling I get when I think of a certain person. I am like the proverbial Cheshire cat as I sit with the naughty smirk planting itself firmly on my face and my thoughts, ooh la la.

Soul John Imagine


I am a great admirer of the late John Lennon and Yoko Ono, they have a great love that has never died even though John is gone. Some people are meant to be together in the here and the here after and those two are a definite.

Julian came from the love and souls of these two spiritually gifted individuals, the loss of John Lennon shook the world and still shakes some of us. Our souls are soaring high above and looking down……………watch?v=XLgYAHHkPFs



I had one kind blogger tell me that I was an inspiration, but I do not see that at all. All I see is a woman struggling against life and trying to make it day by day. I am trying to keep my family together as it has fallen apart and the State has done that, trying to help of course but only hurting us.

I have learned you have to stand up for yourself and if it means becoming a serpent and squeezing your victim to death, then so be it. I have also learned never to take prisoners. I will not allow anyone to walk on me or talk to me in a way that makes me feel bad about myself.

I’m a fighter for sure and I can kick some ass even though I’m 53 I still can throw a mean punch. It was funny when I was in jail because I was the oldest inmate there. I didn’t have any problems except with one black girl who was all attitude from the beginning but I had better things to do than fight with her but I did let her know straight away that I won’t back down.

People tell me I get “to excited” and I should chill out, how can I chill out when everyone is trying to screw me. I asked Brandin what he would charge me to install carpeting in the basement, his quote was 700.00 home depot installs it for 99.00. The guy is a jerk and he will never do any work for me, his wife begged me not to call the police on him for theft and I didn’t but his time has run out.

I’m waiting to see if the prosecutor will take the case or not, if he doesn’t I will have to go to small claims, which is a total pain in the ass.  I just wake up some days and want to slap the shit out of someone and today is one of those days. I’m really pissed at my daughter but can do nothing about her running her mouth.

The Him

He’s a perfect dime, a perfect ten in my eyes, no he is not perfect but I prefer to look at the good side of him instead of the bad, and yes he is a bad boy, a very bad boy indeed. He’s got the most engaging smile and bright green eyes, he’s got a well manicured goatee which makes his lips kissable to me.

He is tall and that makes me feel safe and he is just a big kid at heart, a little boy inside that is gifted in so many ways. He’s very sensual and sexual and he has a huge sexual appetite that he can never satisfy with the right woman. He doesn’t bed a woman every night as he is to dedicated to his position in life.

I just wonder if I will ever be in his arms, am I in his dreams? Does he think about me? I wish I had answers to all these questions so I would know what direction to go in in my life. I am not on hold because of him but if he plans on being part of my life then it would be kind of nice if I knew.

Scardy Kat

What’s wrong, she got you so pussy whipped that you are afraid to come to me? Are you just into internet stalking and get off on it? What are you afraid of? I am too much woman for you without a doubt and I think you are afraid to be proven to be not enough of a man to handle me.

If you are involved with someone, which I have no doubt that you are, then forget me. Can’t keep me off your mind? Well, it will take a rocket scientist to  decipher the meaning of that. You want me so bad you are going nuts but you are emotionally torn, well you have her and already know what you have but you are to afraid to take a chance to meet me because you want a sure thing.

All I can say is we fit like a hand and glove and belong together so do what you think is working for you and keep suffering because you just are to scared to make the move you need to make.