The Union True

We are programmed to marry, raise our children and divorce or divorce and raise our children. The union true of marriage is a contractual agreement between two people and the contractual agreement doesn’t make room for emotional feelings. People make a huge mistake of marrying for love alone.

Love doesn’t pay the bills and love doesn’t guarantee happiness and it doesn’t guarantee longevity of the union true. Women tend to want to get married more quickly than a man but there are some men that require marriage to make them feel secure. I am secure within myself even though I have days of self-doubt but I do not need to legalize a union true.

If I ask you to marry me I am not asking for a legal document, I am asking for a commitment of your heart.

I consider myself married to someone because I have not laid with another and I am here for him always. He makes me mad, damn mad at times and I infuriate him as well but it’s a beautiful thing we have. Totally unconventional, we love each other but we do not know each other to be in love with one another.

I love so many things about him but what I really get a kick out of is when he thinks he pulling a sneaky over my eyes. He is a riot and so funny and I sit back and just laugh and laugh. He is very smart but guess what? I have check mated him several times with great joy and I don’t play chess, lol.

 

Must The Father

A man loves his children as much as the mother but in a different way and men can and are just as responsible if not more with their children. I do not think either parent should bring a new person around unless they are sure that person is going to be around.

Divorce is very hard on children and they need to adjust even if the parents were separated. It is not easy for any child to see the hurt and anger between their parents and even if you hide it from them, you have hid nothing as they saw the writing on the wall long ago and dreaded it.

When you get involved with someone you need to have a clear understanding of what is expected of each other and their children. I would never get mad if the man I was seeing wanted to be with his kids or had to do something with his children, say if one were to get married I would not feel comfortable attending such an event unless we had been together a long time.

I think if you have been seeing someone on a steady basis for 3-6 months then it is safe to bet you will be together for a while longer. If you have a long distance relationship then you have to base your decision on the time you have spent together, not the time you have communicated on the computer or phone.

To build a relationship two people must spend time together and learn about each other and their likes, dislikes, bad habits, ect. I think we must have a meeting of the minds and mutual respect and the kids play a very important part of my relationship with anyone.

Strength Of One

Why do people put others in the dog house? Why do people allow themselves to be placed in that position? Why can’t people discuss their problems instead of one making the other feel less than they are? I have always preferred to discussing our problems with my husband.

We got along very well as friends and we only had one major drag out fight during our marriage. We had little disagreements but not often and we were able to work them out. The one thing I do when I am really pissed is I refuse to talk and the silent treatment is given.

I do this because it is better for me to say nothing than to tear a person to shreds which is easy for me to do when I am boiling mad. I am silent because I am thinking about the why’s and how’s things ended up in an argument and how I can handle the situation in a calmer manner.

I never threw my husband out of the bedroom forcing him to sleep on the couch, hell he went on his own when he got mad. He had a temper that was hidden and when he let it out it was frightening, I wasn’t afraid he would hurt me but I was afraid for others that made him that mad.

I had told my husband about the abuse I had sustained as a child and how I had a boyfriend that beat me up several times. I told my husband if another man ever hit me I would kill him and my husband knew I wasn’t just talking. My husband grabbed me one time and that was once to many and I made damn sure that it never happened again.

There is always one person stronger in any relationship and I do not mean physically. I have always avoided arguments and I give in more often than not. I prefer to work out our problems instead of making someone feel less than they are and I hate going to bed angry.

I have a very strong personality but when it comes to relationships I want them to work and I will do what I have to, to make them work. I am not one that must always “win” the argument, I am the one that gives in so life can fall back into a comfortable existence.

Where Did The $$$$ Go?

My husband spent every dime he got his hands on and I saved every dime I got my hands on. I put funds away for my children’s education and he spent every dime of the one hundred fifty some thousand dollars I saved. I had always wondered how he could spend that much money in such a short period of time and I found out today.

I never thought my husband could stoop so damn low but then again I am finding out that most men stoop just as low if not lower. I never paid attention to who was at the funeral or who was crying and now I wish I had. Sometimes, we want to think the best of people who hurt us when we shouldn’t think of them at all.

I can never let my kids know what I have found out as I do not want to tarnish his memory than it already is in their minds. His ex-wife had the nerve to tell my son he cheated on her and that is why they got divorced. Why did she feel it necessary to share that tidbit with my son?

I do not care what happens during a divorce as long as the kids are not brought into the mix but people seem to always use their kids when divorce is eminent. Things I thought my husband would never do he did tenfold and if he weren’t already dead I swear I could kill him.

Why do good people always get burned? Why do good people always get used and lied to? Why do good people get shit on at every turn? I do not deserve the crap I have been put through and I do not appreciate another bitch in my bed, if you know what I mean. I wonder if I do not have a fuck me sign on my back anymore.

Who Am Us

Do you know who you really are? Do you know who your spouse really is? Do you think you know everything there is to know about your significant other? LOL, please excuse me if I appear rude but I thought the same thing until I filed for divorce. A divorce brings out the ugly in a person and my husband didn’t play fair.

I have learned you never know what anyone is really capable of until you go through a break up and it doesn’t have to be a divorce. I get pretty pissed but I draw the line at saying certain things that could possibly hurt the other person in more ways than one and I don’t do that kind of shit.

I watch my kids change daily and it’s so odd to see them go from kids to young adults with their own thoughts and goals. I’m proud of my kids and know they will do just fine without me here to hold their hands. I plan on moving when my son graduates and enjoying my life with someone else, hopefully by that time things will have changed for someone I care for.

Photos

I was looking through a package of photos of the kids, they grow so fast don’t they? I look at Shelby and Ryan when they were 5 and 3 and how damn cute they were. I remember dressing up like a witch at Halloween and Ry was scared to death of me as he didn’t recognize me. I remember making crab for dinner one night and I started chasing Ryan with a crab claw and he ran like crazy scared.

I know it sounds mean but it was funny as hell, it really was. I ran across one photo of Bob and myself and it reminded me how we have few pictures of us together. Seriously there may be four or five at the most. What about our wedding pictures? Well, my gf took the pictures and not one turned out, what a way to start a marriage.

It’s sad when I think back how we were just friends and not really marriage partners, yes we had sex not often but we did until he became impotent. No, I did not go out and cheat, he took care of the situation the way a man should. I can remember my husband saying no to sex many a night when he wasn’t impotent.

He would actually turn down sex because he said he was wore out and sore, lol.  I look back with blandness, I don’t see good memories of us, not one and that is so sad. I just feel nothing when I look back, I look back and I see the kids growing as Bob worked a lot and we hardly saw him.

When he lost his leg because of a dr.s error he changed so much, he no longer wanted to be with us as a family he kept himself occupied by cleaning the house and cutting the lawn. we just existed for eighteen yrs. There are so many people out there that are living the same way.

They love their spouse but the in love is gone and there is no more spark in your marriage but you stay just the same. The thought of divorce is to much of a bitter pill to swallow so you carry on. Then one day out of the blue, your spouse hands you divorce papers and you are totally shocked.

That’s basically what happened with Bob and I, I told him I wanted a divorce but I didn’t file for about six months and when I did he was blind sided. He never thought I would go through with it and then he became very mean and ugly. He thought there was another man but there was not

Days before the divorce was to be final, we got back together, then we found out he was sick and had only a month to live. We came home and started getting things ready and the first two weeks he could walk by the third week he needed a cane then wheel chair and the fourth week he couldn’t get out of bed.

He died peacefully at 1:11 p.m. and the kids got out of school at 2:35 and didn’t get home until 3:00 p.m. Bob’s body had been removed before the kids got home and I had to tell them that he had died. The shock went through each one of us as we hugged and cried, from four to three is hard when he shouldn’t have left us.

When A Man Loves A Woman

When men are in love it is quite different from a woman, most of the time. Men think of sex first and foremost and woman think of love. When a man loves a woman he will contact her daily and try to impress her in the beginning and same with women. Women are sneaky bitches these day and men have to protect themselves.

There are women are there that will get knocked up and try to get married, which of course never does last and another divorce is on the docket. I know longer believe in marriage with a legal document  because if you really love someone you shouldn’t need to get married and you shouldn’t have to have a kid to solidify the relationship.

Men usually are not as emotional as women but they can get just as mean and nasty as a woman scorned. I can see getting upset but not taking it further than some hateful words. When you start posting pics that are hurtful for someone to see on fb then you really need to  step back and take a look at yourself and what you are trying to achieve.

 

You Are A Mess

When are you going to get your shit together and be a man? You and AB are going nowhere fast and you damn well know it so quit playing mind games with yourself. I have lost all respect for you as a person and feel sorry for you because you are more fucked up than I could ever think of being.

You IM to help you jack off, want to see my tits and your bitch is sitting at home with her belly full of you. I must say that was the final stab to the heart and the twist and further push. You really know how to hurt someone don’t you, thanx-so have the love birds set the day to get married?

Like divorce that much do ya? good luck enjoy your new family AND NEVER EVER FUCKING CONTACT ME AGAIN MOTHER FUCKER

The Greatest Love Of All

I know people that have been married over fifty years and I know widows that have never remarried, those were their “greatest love of all”. That kind of love is rare and when you have it you know it, it’s not the “puppy” type love as I refer to it as. Loving has degrees, levels and depths and most people never even scratch the service.

My adolescent “greatest love” was when I was in ninth grade, he was tall, long hair, “suck you in” eyes and a sweetheart. He was your typical Aquarius and odd but true we melted into each other. To this day I think of Tony and say a prayer for him as he was murdered at nineteen.

Now that I am in my early fifties, I have buried a husband that I loved but was never in love with and nor he with I, I ran, walked, stumbled, tripped and dove into my current “greatest love of all”, we have never met but the connection is there. It is living and breathing as you and I are and it grows each day as a beautiful flower in a field. I am a dreamer but this is no dream this is as God intended it to be.

The love I have for this man doesn’t even fall in the same category as love but I am without words to express the depth of it. When you want nothing but the best and happiness for someone even though they are with someone else and you don’t matter, that is beyond love.

I see his smile and hear his voice and the angels are singing and yes he is that special to the world and I of course hold him within my very veins as he flows threw me every second of every day. It’s an odd thing the emotion of love and it is all consuming when you have the greatest love of all. I will never remarry again as I consider myself married to this man through the eyes of God.

We came together in the oddest of circumstances and almost four years later we still are within an unseen reach. He may wish that I forget him but his wishes will never be answered because he is my greatest and that is it, that’s it and it’s non negotiable. Am I denying myself and also hurting myself?

No I am not because I am open to dating but there will never be anyone that can remove this man from my life, it’s impossible. When you experience your greatest love of all there is no turning back, turning away or denying it. It consumes your entirety and one accepts that as the feelings are cloned tenfold and knowing that even in my mind at times I feel like letting go, I just cannot.

My prayers are always with him and I will always want the best for him regardless of how he lacks feelings for me. It’s all good because the greatest love of all I am experiencing and that is more than I can say for most people.

Skipping Through Life

My son attempted suicide two nights ago and is in ICU, they took the tube out of his throat this afternoon and he is pissed he is alive. He was very very verbally abusive to me and doesn’t want to see me, fine.

He wants his computer so he can post fb crap and I will have none of it. He has only his sister and myself and he thinks he’s coming home tomorrow, no way. He will go from ICU to a psychiatric hospital and then a long term psychiatric facility and it’s best that he doesn’t see me.

I have done the best I can with no family and my husband died last yr. so I am all alone, now I completely alone without my kids. It’s fine, I’m ok and the truth is I can finally breathe a sigh of relief as my son has put me through my paces and I need a break.

It’s time for me to leave my husband buried and open myself up to emotional and physical love, which I have had neither in years. Marriage doesn’t guarantee love or committment even though he never cheated, there was no love. We were best friends and that was the extent of the relationship.

I will never marry again because I do not believe another person has the right to tell anyone else what they can and cannot do. Marriage doesn’t guarantee anything but a divorce and who needs the hassle?

If you want out go, why pay lawyers? Just go and it’s all good. Marriage does not have the meaning or value system it once held and people do not have the morals and beliefs they once had.

I’m looking forward to skipping through life enjoying every minute and doing all that I have ever wanted to do and see all that I have wanted to see. I love foreign cultures and am looking forward to savoring what life has to offer.

Let the adventure begin………………………..