The Who In Me

It’s time for another series of huge changes in my life, out with the old in with the new as well as eliminating people from my life that offer me nothing, not materially but emotionally and mentally. I have let certain people hang around in my life but they have offered me no measure of growth.

If someone is in your life and they teach you nothing, give you nothing emotionally or physically then they must go. I can no longer let other’s stay in my life when they are like a wall hanging, nice to look at but does nothing else for me. It is time for me to grow up and let go of things and people who do not serve a positive purpose in my life.

There isn’t a vacuum with a strong enough suction to suck up all the crap and people serving no purpose for me. It is getting easier and easier to let go and I have been demonstrating that by getting rid of my husband’s things. He is gone, never to come up from the earth again so I have been eliminating his worldly possessions.

I also have been doing that with people, all of us have people who really serve no purpose for us and we have to let them go to make room for those that will really care and love us. It’s time to let go of relationships that are no longer useful to us and open the door for the great winds of change.

I am not angry or even mad at anyone, it’s just time for them to go because they show me nothing and do nothing for me emotionally. I am the most emotional person I know and it is time to nurture that part of myself and to grow. It is the time for endings and new beginnings and for me my love life is paramount for new beginnings. 

I am not rushing out the door into the arms of someone who loves me or will love me, no I am walking out the door into the world and saying “hey, I’m here everyone”. I have no doubt within the next three to six months I will be involved heavily with someone and I can feel this as strongly as I can feel a third degree sunburn.

I am kind of starting to see someone and we will see where it goes and it will no doubt just be a stepping stone for me but if it goes further, great if not that’s ok as well. I am in no hurry to get involved with anyone but if it happens it happens and I will enjoy every second of it. It’s time for Kimberly to start collecting what she deserves.

For those that wanted to be in my life, well you had your chance and the door is closing so don’t bother to put your foot in it and try to keep it cracked open for you. You made the definitive choice not to put your entire body through that door and I can respect that but you must respect that it is time for me to love and be loved and you are not interested in that part of my life, so be it.

 

So You Want It?

People want, want, want-they want to be wealthy, thin, beautiful, live the high life, own homes and car and closets full of clothes. I learned that none of this is important because it gives you nothing but instant satisfaction. Sure buying shit makes us feel good but at the end of the day there is no emotion from these items.

I look at what is really important in life and that is people, people give hugs and kisses, people give empathy and understanding and people are what makes life worth living. Some of us want people we can’t have and there are people who want us but we do not want them.

I no longer want to let anyone near my heart because they do not appreciate what I have to offer as a person. My circle is extremely small because I like my solitude and privacy. I am learning that love always has a price tag and that is hurt, I no longer will let anyone near me because all they do is use me and lie to me.

I am so innocent on several levels but emotionally I am very weak and need to be nurtured. All of us need to be loved and nurtured but the pain it can cause us makes some of us want to forget it ever existed. The person that I have had feelings for is wealthy and famous but he is finding out not even his standing in life can make his private life any happier.

Take your money and wipe your ass with it, take your private jet and fly the skys until you run out of gas because you are headed for the side of a mountain. You are not special, you are not different, you have just been dealt a hand to make your life easier but are you happier?

If money makes you happy then you are shallower than any person I may know, and no I do not want your money or standing in life, in fact I no longer want you because I am finally seeing you for the person you are, which is nothing to me or my life. I am hurt but will get over it but will you get over no longer having me to chat with or play or little boy games.

You have hurt me so bad and do not even care but once you are hurt it’s a different story now isn’t it? You do not enjoy feeling emotional pain anymore than I do but you do not appreciate who I am and what I have to offer as a person, lover or friend. Go on your way and do not look back because I will no longer be standing there.

Does It Hurt?

What hurts your heart? What tears you up inside? How does it make you feel? How do you take each step to get through the day if you are really upset? I do not know myself but I can tell you I am feeling every question without any answer. I do not know how I feel about anyone or anything and I had such direction at one time.

Now I feel lost and uncertain, I feel standoffs and I also feel abandoned which I should be able to accept with no problem as I was abandoned at the age of three. I have secretly believed in someone for so long but now I am realizing I have gained very little from this “union in my mind”.

I don’t feel anger or resentment in fact I feel nothing for which I am glad. It may be the full moon affecting me but I guess one good thing is any decisions I make during this time will be final and in cement. So, you see it’s fine and I will be ok and of course I will miss him but I will get on just fine, thank you.

It’s not that I have strength, no I just happen to choose to deal with most situations logically instead of letting my emotions take over. My emotions can drown me so I steer away from them as much as I can and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. Life can be funny sometimes in not a funny way but hey the bitter with the sweet, always the bitter with the sweet.

The Man In Me

Men are taught not to cry and if they are taught that it’s acceptable, society blows that thought pattern right out of their minds. Men are not emotional creatures usually and when they are in a relationship they do not look at it the same way a woman looks at it. Men tend to look at life logically and women emotionally.

Men generally do not understand women because of the emotional aspect of the relationship. Women are emotional because that is where we draw our strength from. We raise our children with love and empathy while dad’s tend to raise their children to be sports oriented and non emotional.

Men do not hug and kiss their children the way women do and emotions are so powerful that we tend to go to mom for most of our lives. Mom’s cooking sets the bar for many relationships, yes food has a very strong influence on us and how we engage with others. There is no one like mom and mom’s advice tends to be wanted daily.

I am a very emotional person, too emotional in fact but that is my make up and I cannot change that. I totally understand a man’s desire to have sex often. Men are here to procreate and there is no two ways about that, a man is supposed to plant his seed in the woman. Sex is demanded in a man’s mind because just like the dolphin they enjoy it.

Sex should be fun and exciting for all involved and experimenting keeps the bedroom playtime fun and fresh. So many women frown at experimenting or wearing sexy lingerie, they are shocked if their man wants to bring a third-party into the mix and going down on a man is just for the pre-marriage phase.

The problem with relationships is people act one way to get you and then once they have you they stop doing what caught you to begin with. When people are in a relationship they feel secure and get lax when it comes to keeping life fun and exciting. Sex is the most important part of any relationship and do not fool yourself ladies and thing otherwise.

The Damaged Child Within

I have spent years in counseling on and off to help heal the damaged child within and I can say the counseling helped some but not as much as I had hoped. It is so hard to love yourself when you have always been brain washed to think you are no good, a useless person, unloveable and unwanted.

I do not live in the past but there are times when the past shows itself and I prefer not to look at the past. It is what it was and that’s life and some people let the past shape their future. I have suffered a lot of hurt in my life and it has made me the person that I am. We cannot let the ugliness of the past affect our present life.

People hold on to hate and anger like its a life raft which does nothing but push them further out to sea. I try to let go of anger I have and it is slowly dissipating. I have anger from my husband’s death but that is part of the grieving process and I am not as angry as I used to be.

At this moment I feel no anger towards anyone and I blame myself for most of the bad things that have happened in my life. I have made some very serious mistakes in my life and my past is so far from Lilly white. I have to look at the good that has come out of the bad and focus on that.

If you choose to focus on the negative in your life then that is what you will draw to you but if you focus on the positive life isn’t that bad. I know some people are consumed with the anger of their past and that is so sad, when they could be happy and forget that garbage that hurts them.

Every once in a while I have the demons from my past pop up and yes I do get angry but I try to push that demon’s head back down into the past where he belongs but there is no doubt that we can never escape our past and we have to live with it no matter what. Our past does not reflect our future and I will not let it affect mine.

 

 

So Quickly

I just put my profile up on several sites this afternoon and I already have several fish on the hook! I honestly didn’t expect to get responses this quickly but it’s fun. I don’t find myself to attractive but I am sexy and sensual and that I am sure of, even if you think otherwise.

You have to have confidence in yourself and feel good about yourself no matter what your body size is. My beauty is inside and I am a beautiful person and so are you. I will not let anyone tear me down and make me feel less than I am. I have had to fight my way the last six years and I’m pretty stable finally.

I really need a distraction and I really do not want to hear his voice, just do me and go-sometimes it’s best that way but men, they always want to hang around. They don’t get the hint you just want to fuck them and push them out the door. That’s exactly how I feel about men at this point in my life.

Satisfy me and go because I am so sick of the insecure, have to control relationship types and I do not have the time to waste with their blubbering and wailing like a child when I tell them goodbye. I cannot see myself in a long term relationship for someone, quite sometime to be exact.

I’m sick of talking to stupid men and men trying to rip me off. I had one guy write me a quote to lay some carpeting, this asswipe wants $17.00 an hr but didn’t put how many hours it was going to take him. Daaahhhhh, like I’m a stupid cunt right? This shit pisses me off because it insults my intelligence.

 

The Scorpio Sag Pisces Me And The Aquarius New Man

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(SELF)

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(HOW OTHERS SEE ME)

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(MY EMOTIONS)

Knowing your rising sign is as important as your sun sign and your moon sign rules your emotions, I have a pisces moon which is very emotional, psychic, empathetic

Scorpio and Pisces are water signs and that makes me very emotional and Sagittarius is a very spiritual sign, so I am very sensual (scorpio), loving (sagittarius) and emotional (pisces)

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The Dance Of The Night

The Dance Of The Night

He is always on my mind and I wonder what he is doing and wonder if he is thinking about me as well. I think this entire “relationship” that we have is really something and I am finding it to be quite romantic in such a subtle way.

I must say being courted this way is interesting and exciting as it keeps me wondering and guessing and that is exactly what his goal has been all along. He’s a sly one indeed and smart, o yes very smart but he wanted me to know who he is and he dropped a shitload of hints.

People like to hide but they also like to be found as well and that is exactly what he did, laid out information that would lead me closer and closer to who he was. He knows I know who he is but as long as we do not meet until we are completely alone. I guess he feels safer that way which is fine with me I can live without the bullshit .

I am so excited about meeting him as this is so damn romantic that he has got  like the most romantic guy in the world. How that is so hot to me. He needs to know if what he feels is real and I am the same way as I have these feelings.

I need to validate my emotions and I think we both already know but need to be together to get to know each other. It’s crazy isn’t it, to have feelings and deep emotions for someone we have never met. He knows me better than anyone alive, even my closest friends and that is so odd but comforting.

He is comfortable, yes I feeling comfortable chatting with him and that is a nice feeling as is the protective feeling I get from him. It’s just the oddest relationship yet it is comfortable and fits well and I like it and am enjoying the hell out of the dance of the night.