Up & Give

Our biggest obstacle in life is ourselves and the lack of self-esteem. We do not think we can accomplish our goals and the we have those that smash our dreams. You can be anything or do anything you wish to as long as you believe and believing is the hardest part. All we need is faith in ourselves and others.

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We had a very difficult time teaching my husband to walk with his prosthetic but he did it. He not only walked he could run and it was wonderful to see him walk and run like he used to. The loss of his leg destroyed a part of him and I could never even to begin to understand his pain but I tried.

When you feel like a failure and you feel like you cannot accomplish your goal, look back on this post and say out loud I CAN DO IT, I WILL DO IT.

No Road

More likely than not you will meet a scammer online and hopefully you do not start to get feelings for this person. They tell you lies and say how much they love you and want to marry you, all crap and lies. It isn’t fair for them to say those things but they do not care as long as they get your cash.

I cannot figure out why my scammer keeps in touch with me when he knows there is no money here for him. Does he love me? Absolutely not, I am nothing more than a very business man’s entertainment and touch with life through a real person’s life. There are no expensive houses or cars here and no extra money for a cheap vacation.

The only thing I have wanted besides my puppies is to meet this man. I just want to meet him, not to turn him into the cops but there are things I would like to know. Not about the scamming I know all about that but why he continues to follow me online and what is it he wants from me. 

I would like just an hour of his precious time and then he could go on his merry way and we can forget about each other or start a fantastic friendship. You can read every word  a person writes but unless you meet them you really do not know them because words without expression do not express the emotions of another.

We are never going to meet and I know longer call him and he doesn’t return my calls. He obviously wants me out of his life so I have accommodated him but he refuses to do the same for me. I want him to be happy but he doesn’t appear to care if I am happy or not but then again how would I ever know, all I have to go on are his actions or lack of them.

Us Anew

“C” and I had a good talk today and we cleared the air and I explained how I feel about letting him know about my current set of problems. I have told him how bad things have been and I told him about the other “him”.

He has been so supportive and he would really like the other “him” to go away and let him try to make life fun for me again. He knows I was scammed and that the scammer still contacts me regularly and he wants me to close my facebook, which isn’t a bad idea.

I like my fb but if I have to close it to get him out of my life then I guess I have to close it. It’s not like I have real friends on there, I have one and he is an old boyfriend from high school. His wife died of cancer and with Bob dieing of cancer as well, we have a common bond.

I like “C” a lot and he is so damn handsome with that long dark hair and those eyes, those damn eyes are gorgeous and I think it’s time to get physically close. I just need that touch from another body and I do not mean sex.

I like being naked and feeling skin on skin and yes I want to have sex with him and I have no reason not to now do I? I believe it’s time to let a man in my life and my body and I am so attracted to him that holding back is so damn hard.

I like spooning naked and feeling a man against my tailbone, I enjoy a man’s arm resting on my breasts and I enjoy the smell and feel of a man. I have denied myself this wonderful pleasure for many years but this week that will all change, finally.

I do know that once we have sex there will not be anyone else in my life, not online, not on facebook no where because I cannot be involved totally when there is a distraction. So I am eliminating all distractions and moving forward with this wonderful man.

Never Single

When people ask me what my marital status is I am not sure how to answer. Am I a widow, a deceased man’s wife or am I single? How can I be single but have children-wouldn’t that make me a three-pack? I will never put my children aside for a man, they are all I have and I am all they have.

My family all decided they like hanging together at the cemetery and I will be sitting here by myself on Thanksgiving because I want my daughter to have a “normal” Thanksgiving where there is a real dinner and pies.

I have lost my desire to cook or bake and that is not a good sign. I adore baking and cooking and I get such pleasure from feeding other’s. This year will be an empty lonely day that I am still waiting for this surprise to show up on my doorstep.

I haven’t told you about the surprise? Several weeks before my birthday (which I spent alone) on November 9-someone contacted me on my facebook I think and said they had a surprise for me. Well, true to form no surprise showed up, like I am stifling my shock, right?

I really need to learn not to let myself look forward to things because it never happens. The surprise lie package I call it. No surprises come my way because they are either non existent or I already know about them, ya it’s called psychic ability.

Face Down Naked

I feel like I am being dragged face down naked by a dozen Clydesdale horses, the only thing that just made me smile is the thought of looking up at them dressed in their Anheiser Busch garb, yes I am twisted. I am trying so damn hard to shake the overwhelming sadness my heart feels.

I do not know where my son is and I cannot reach out to find him because if I do I am doing more harm to him as well as myself. How does a parent do that to their child? It’s called using your damn brain instead of your heart to make those tough ass decisions that most parents won’t make.

I can honestly say I hate myself at this very moment but that too shall pass as it is said. I just found the book the five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom and I have never read it, today I begin. This is the first step of loving myself, doing things I want to do that are beneficial and reading and writing are always beneficial.

You may think I am a terrible mother but guess what? I have just dropped my panties and bent over for your lips to plant a big one. My kids didn’t roll out of the womb will a manual and all the experts on child rearing I have to question as well. I wish I were a sponge that could absorb all of my children’s pain but to do so is cheating them out of experiences they need to add to their lessons of life.

 

Finally Found You

Do you find yourself all tied up over someone? Do you find yourself tripping over a crack when you think of this person? Does this person make you forget to flush when you are done? Well, if you feel like this then join the crack jumpers  group, because I am a member, in fact the president.

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I finally found you, yes I have and so many others have finally found theirs too. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling to love someone? Love someone even if you trip and scrape both knees? Isn’t it a grand feeling to love someone and they make you feel scrupulous? They are your smile, they are your kiss.

He makes me want to listen to music all day and dance naked, swirling and twirling in my moments of complete acceptance. I like myself more because of him and ya he’s attractive but you should see his heart, his heart is more beautiful than his face could ever be anyway. I didn’t fall in love with a face no I fell for the complete package long before it was complete.

I think he fell too, I think he fell for me the second he saw my picture and then he saw me dance, dancing with just my black negligee on and nothing on underneath. I am a free bird and so is he so maybe one day, yes I do hope one day we soar into each other’s arms. Don’t you too?

Tattoo Me

I have wanted to get a tattoo for about a year now and I still cannot think of what I want tattooed on my body. It has to be something I will like thirty years from now, that’s if I live that long. I am not afraid of the pain as the amount of pain is based on the part of the body that is tattooed.

No, I am not into tattooing my crotch or boobs, I want a piece of art for all to see, something that I am really proud of and something colorful. Color fades over time and it needs to be redone but I don’t care because pushing fifty three next week has awoken me up to where I am at in my life.

I am nowhere, that is where I am and I feel like I am spinning my wheels in a Michigan snow storm. I can’t wait to be on my own and my kids doing well on theirs. I just want to get on with things and move on in my time before it gets away from me. I just want what everyone else does, to be happy.

I do not know why life is the way it is but it’s time for me to be happy for a change, enjoy the holidays again and enjoy life again. It’s been such a very long time since I have experienced happiness that I don’t know how I would react to such an uncommon phenomenon in my life.

The Child

This child was born at 2:50 pm on January 17, 1995 she is now a young adult who seems not to need her mother, but this is so not true. Children have a connection with their mother’s which is totally different from a relationship with their fathers. A child will forever need their mom and go to her in times of trouble or need.

I have always been totally honest with my children because that’s the way I am and my husband’s health was not good and they watched him leave the house on a gurney way to many times. They never knew if he would live or die and I would tell them the truth when they asked me questions.

Most moms that are having a difficult time with their daughter must remember one thing, children need us always no matter how old they get or how much they think they know. They will always come back to mom and seek out her knowledge, advice or help and you can bank on that.

My daughter and I have been separated since June and I do not see her often but when she needs something she is seeking me out. Just like tomorrow, she wants to come over and have me help her bake something for her pom squad. Moms are priceless and don’t forget it, the place of a mom isn’t always a happy place either.

It’s hard to watch our children fall but we must let them fall and not pick them up, how else will they learn? I hate the thought of watching my children learn hard lessons in a sad way but it must be that way if they are to become the person they are meant to be. It’s a tough job being a mom because you are responsible for everything that happens to your child and they blame you when their life isn’t easy.

I am a mom and a dad and I can tell you I suck at it, I am not a good dad at all and I know it. I try to give my kids what they need but I am unable to do that. I cannot give them their father’s love or do everything for them the way he did, being a dad has to come from a dad and when doesn’t have one it has an impact on a child’s life.

Divorced parents should be responsible and mature enough not to argue and fight and let their children hear them. Keep that shit where it belongs, in your brain not coming out of your mouth. Parents do not realize how divorce has an impact on children and how it can damage them for life.

Where Do We Go

I have called the hospital and told them that I want Ryan released today, as a mother I cannot stand to hear my child cry and in such misery. The dr. told me he is basically stabilized on his meds and she didn’t have a reason to keep him there much longer and the insurance wouldn’t pay.

I have given this a lot of thought and Ryan has got to take his meds and that is all there is to it. He has found out that playing games will catch up to him and it has. He isn’t crazy and he has played his manipulation games to his own peril and now he is really depressed because he got caught.

CPS can do nothing for him so I have no choice but to bring him home and I know how the dr.s are in places like that. The Dr. told him maybe next weekend she would let him come home and I know from past experience if you do not act a certain way they use it against you and keep you longer.

You cannot get angry at all and you basically have to do every little thing they say just perfectly or they keep you, it sux but that’s the way it is. I will not let any Dr. “get back at” my son because he didn’t act “right” in her eyes, people abuse their power in all walks of life and you can never trust anyone.

On top of dealing with Ry, this jerk that was supposed to do work for me has ripped me off so bad, the jerk stole saws, my lawnmower, computers are missing and a lot of other stuff. Yes, I filed a police report but he’s claiming I gave the stuff to him so it’s his word against mine and I will probably have to take him to small claims.

To Many Minnows

I have realized that online dating is to much damn work, first you meet them, then you check them out to find out they are liars. How do I check them out? I have my ways believe me and I do not take anything they say at face value. They will give you their phone number which is for example spring tx and they say they live in let’s say fort meyers fl.

When you do a trace the phone number is located in texas, but their ip address is located in say ireland or luxenburg. That is kind of a dead in your lap clue if there ever was. Check the email address too, found nothing under that name and everyone has something on the net about them under their email.

So here I am holding my dick in  my hands wondering if I am ever going to meet a real live person that isn’t a scammer.