The Fear

Mike and Gabe are scared to death of thunder and lightning and they couldn’t get any closer to me if they had tried. They curl up in a ball and push themselves into my chest as if that is the safest place they could be. I sleep like a log and didn’t hear a thing but my kids said the thunder was super loud and shook the house. I do remember waking up and seeing the lightning but then I fell back to sleep.

This has been a strange summer but I shouldn’t be surprised because Michigan weather is screwed up with the winter being ridiculously cold and the summer just being strange as we have had a lot of rain this year. I haven’t been to the rv in a month and the grass is so damn long so we will be heading that way Saturday once Shelby gets out of school. I have had a couple call me to see the rv and they asked me not to sell it until they see it, wtf???

I had a lady ask me to do the same thing about six weeks ago and she never showed and wouldn’t pick up when I called her which is so fucked up. She should have just said she found something else or she had changed her mind. I do hope these people show up and buy the place because it is such a waste of money as we do not use it as we once did. Im not going to hold my breath but damn the money would come in so handy as I need to buy another car.

The Fear

Mike and Gabe are scared to death of thunder and lightning and they couldn’t get any closer to me if they had tried. They curl up in a ball and push themselves into my chest as if that is the safest place they could be. I sleep like a log and didn’t hear a thing but my kids said the thunder was super loud and shook the house. I do remember waking up and seeing the lightning but then I fell back to sleep.

This has been a strange summer but I shouldn’t be surprised because Michigan weather is screwed up with the winter being ridiculously cold and the summer just being strange as we have had a lot of rain this year. I haven’t been to the rv in a month and the grass is so damn long so we will be heading that way Saturday once Shelby gets out of school. I have had a couple call me to see the rv and they asked me not to sell it until they see it, wtf???

I had a lady ask me to do the same thing about six weeks ago and she never showed and wouldn’t pick up when I called her which is so fucked up. She should have just said she found something else or she had changed her mind. I do hope these people show up and buy the place because it is such a waste of money as we do not use it as we once did. Im not going to hold my breath but damn the money would come in so handy as I need to buy another car.

The Fear

We are born fearless but as we grow we become aware of the pain that life holds. We fear physical pain and rejection the most and rejection is the number one fear we have. I have experienced rejection many times in my life and no I do not like it one bit but what can you do?

We cannot make someone love us let alone like us and when we deny ourselves the chance to find out if we will be rejected we are stunting our own growth. I have found wealthy people are so used to getting whatever and whom ever they so chose that the thought of being rejected by another just doesn’t have a place in the play book.

They cannot fathom the thought that someone wouldn’t be interested in them because they buy everything and everyone and it becomes a way of life for them. The very thought of rejection from another is something that they just cannot grasp because most people are so damn material.

When you get whatever you want or whom ever you want then you do not experience defeat at any level. I have found wealthy and famous people do not know how to deal with rejection because they have never had to deal with it. What they fail to realize is they just need to be themselves and that alone will more likely than not get them where they want to be.

As long as someone is real with me and treats me with respect they are accepted into my world but once they try to wave their wealthy status in my face, Im gone with the wind. I do not want fake or plastic in my life and I like a person that is secure enough to show their real selves.

The key to getting into my world is to be funny, intelligent, kind and giving and when you let yourself be yourself than those traits come out unless you have no personality. I think everyone wants to impress others in some way at certain times but you can take that a bit to far as well.

Ive been flown to Maine for lunch which was impressive but it didn’t keep me with the person because I need more than to be impressed. It’s nice to have someone want to impress you but just dont take it to far or you will lose the very person you want the most.

Afraid Of The Night

I have finally ran into something that scares me more than the night, it’s love, yes I am afraid of love I have just discovered. Who is afraid of love you may ask, someone that has been hurt very badly and very deeply. I want love so bad but the fear, well the fear.

I don’t think I could ever believe that someone could possibly love me just for myself and nothing more. It seems the first time I was engaged of course what I had played a key role and then my husband well he married me for what I had as well. It’s as if I cannot be worth loving if I don’t have something that someone else can profit from, well I guess the next one is shit out of luck because I am scraping by every month. I don’t mind the way my life is of course it would be nice to be debt free again and I will in time.

I don’t need someone to help financially and emotionally well hell I’m just a mess in disguise, not really I am doing very well thank you. I’m so used to be alone and frankly it sucks if you want to know the truth but I realized today that I am scared to death of a relationship.

If I knew that he would be true to me and me alone I might take the plunge but I do not know if I could ever really trust anyone again. As much as I would like to I do not know if I have that in me or not. I want a committed relationship so bad but can he commit?

It would hurt me so bad to find out he cheated on me I don’t know if I could take it or not. I’m so true blue it’s not funny, when I’m committed I don’t even flirt anymore because I have that much respect for the person I am with. When I tell someone I love them I mean it and I don’t want them to feel insecure or hurt.

 The next relationship I have will be my last I guarantee it because we will be a perfect fit and I know it in my heart. I have so much love to give and so does he that is why we belong together and will eventually be together in time.

If he makes me fall deeply in love with him then he has got to keep me those are the rules baby.

I WANT LOVE IN MY LIFE AND I DESERVE IT