Packed & Stacked Luggage

Have you ever really liked someone for a long time and they knew it and just didn’t seem to care? Have you ever finally met someone who makes life fun but the one that didn’t want you before now wants you? Have you told the person that their shit is packed and stacked and they can move on?

Why in the hell do people play hard to get and when you have finally had enough and found someone else all of a sudden they want to be with you? Well, it’s just a bit too late because I do not have time to waste on someone who plays games. I have a very nice man in my life that is almost everything I have ever wanted in a person.

I am not giving him up for someone who now wants me, maybe for the day or week but not interested in seeing if there is anything else to build a relationship on. “C” is a pretty fantastic guy and I will never really know him anymore than I knew my husband of 18 yrs. My husband hid a part of himself that was not admirable in the least.

All people have a hidden side that comes out during divorce time or separation time and they are evil mother’s now aren’t they? I have just gotten tired of the chase and now I am running and trying to leave a trail of barbed wire behind me. He thinks this is some kind of game but it is my life and I am trying to be happy, FINALLY.

I have no intentions of ever meeting this man because I tried once before and he played me, again. No more chances for him and I am done and if he thinks I am kidding he better realize that I am deleting him and blocking him, he can go play with someone elses mind and heart because mine is off the market.

Don’t Hang On Snoopie

I have learned a few things in my life and the one thing I do know very well is behavior patterns. Relationships are pretty cut and dried and when someone is in another relationship with someone it becomes obvious by their actions. People cheat on each other all the time and after sometime they become so comfortable in their actions that the truth is can no longer be ignored.

There are people who refuse to admit what is before their eyes and so many people turn a blind eye to the infidelity. The signs are crystal clear as they cannot see you when they want or you want and you never see them on holidays or weekends they are usually “working”.

The cheater cannot accept your calls or hangs up on you unexpectically and they can’t spend the night with you and if they do it is rare. The cheater eventually forgets their lies and slips up by saying something they shouldn’t and then when questioned about it they come up with another lie.

The cheater never takes you anywhere because they do not want anyone to see them with you and have it get back to the one he is really with. Men and women both cheat and it used to be mostly men but those stats are changing as both sexes cheat, they not only cheat the person they are fooling around with they are cheating themselves and the one they were originally committed to.


Moving To Fast

Everyone is moving so fast these days they have no time to enjoy their lives. I sit here day after day doing basically the same thing over and over because I have no money to fly away. I wonder if people move so fast because they do not want to deal with what is truly important in their lives.

People have kids, because they want kids and then when they realize how much kids change their lives they either no longer want to spend the time with their kids or they end up being a person’s entire world. It’s not good to let anyone be your entire world because you can end up getting crushed so easily.

If people would slow down and have a glass of iced tea on the back porch and just watched the grass grow they would be so much happier. People no longer enjoy the simple things in life or a simple life, the world is all about money and the more you have the more time you no longer have to enjoy it.

The only thing that keeps me going is God and what he has planned for me, I know that sounds stupid to so many but it is the truth and I believe he has a grand plan for me. I am not here just to take up space, no sir I have a purpose and I have already touched many people’s lives.

I am not an angel, I am not regular either as I am different for whatever reason. Some people think I am weird, some think I am wacked out and some know that I am a very good person with a good heart. I am what I am take me or leave me but I am proud of who I am.

Yes, my son and I have problems but at least we can acknowledge our problems and deal with them the best way possible. Being bipolar is a hard life, but it’s even harder when you refuse to deal with it. I seem to be pretty even keeled lately so anyone that has anything negative to say to me simply just go fuck yourself.

To Deep

I find studying people quite interesting and how they react to different scenarios. I wonder what is going through the person’s mind in the car next to you as they are picking their nose as if gold where in it.I wonder what the lady I saw stealing was thinking when she saw me watching her. 

I wonder what the neighbor is thinking as they let their dog shit on my lawn and I wonder what the chef is thinking as he drops the steak on the floor and picks it up and serves it to his patron. I wonder what the lady with the baby is thinking as she leaves the commode and walks past the sink without washing her hands.

People fascinate me and the way they react varies from one person to the next.  I think the people who fascinate me the most are those that heavy into religion and their church and leave Sunday mass to meet up with his neighbor’s wife. It’s these type of people that are so hypocritical and judgemental and I really wonder how they can be so involved in others lives as they have dirty lives themselves.

I wonder how “he” feels about me, really feels about me and what I mean to him if anything at all. Does he care at all how sad and lonely I am? Do I hold any part of his heart at all? I truly think I am nothing more than a “friend” to him and I see nothing happening further.



Where Do We Go

I have called the hospital and told them that I want Ryan released today, as a mother I cannot stand to hear my child cry and in such misery. The dr. told me he is basically stabilized on his meds and she didn’t have a reason to keep him there much longer and the insurance wouldn’t pay.

I have given this a lot of thought and Ryan has got to take his meds and that is all there is to it. He has found out that playing games will catch up to him and it has. He isn’t crazy and he has played his manipulation games to his own peril and now he is really depressed because he got caught.

CPS can do nothing for him so I have no choice but to bring him home and I know how the dr.s are in places like that. The Dr. told him maybe next weekend she would let him come home and I know from past experience if you do not act a certain way they use it against you and keep you longer.

You cannot get angry at all and you basically have to do every little thing they say just perfectly or they keep you, it sux but that’s the way it is. I will not let any Dr. “get back at” my son because he didn’t act “right” in her eyes, people abuse their power in all walks of life and you can never trust anyone.

On top of dealing with Ry, this jerk that was supposed to do work for me has ripped me off so bad, the jerk stole saws, my lawnmower, computers are missing and a lot of other stuff. Yes, I filed a police report but he’s claiming I gave the stuff to him so it’s his word against mine and I will probably have to take him to small claims.


It’s a crisp fall morning and I am lieing naked on his chest with my hand on his bare thigh. We lie there and he has his hand on my back rubbing my but and he begins to kiss me slowly and so gently. He slowly moves me onto my back and spreads my legs and his body is lieing in between my legs.

He places his head on my chest and I run my fingers through his hair and we are so relaxed and enjoying the cool sheets and the warmth of our bodies. It’s moments like these that make a relationship what it is, it’s the quiet times, the moments of just lieing next to each other without saying a word.

When two people can lie next to each and feel at peace and content I’d have to label that pretty special and if he feels that way when he is with her then he should stay with her, that is if there is a her. I have no idea and it isn’t fair or right to do this to me.

The Lonely One

I have an online stalker and I really have not a clue of what he wants. I am not beautiful or thin, young and carefree. I am a fighter and scrapper and do what I have to, to get through each day. I have nothing to offer him as I am not wealthy I am only myself and I guess I am such an odd duck that he just can’t let me fly away.

He refuses to meet me or talk to me online and tell me who he really is, even though I already know. He plays games constantly and I just do not get it. He is approximately 7 years younger than I am so I do not see the attraction, I just do not get it. All I know is I have fallen crazy in love with him and I could kick myself in the ass for it.

His world is going to take a huge change shortly and he will be much happier and that makes me happy. I am glad for him because it is about time he started to relax and enjoy life more. I cannot see him  unhappy and I can see he will be quite happy soon enough. I want the same for myself but that has yet to come.

I am beginning to think that he has a lack of self-control, along with possible instability. People want what they cannot have, and some refuse to accept that and move on. He is involved with someone and doesn’t want to let them go and refuses to let me go, now I would say that is a pickle without the burger for sure.

One thing I do know is my life is no longer on hold for him and it is just a matter of time before I finally meet someone and my life will change drastically. He will no longer be part of my thoughts or my blogging, no more in my dreams, hopes or wishes. He will eventually get bored and forget all about me.

Crack In The Mirror

Hey there


I am looking 

at you and 

Who do I see

Hello mirror

Mirror, it’s only



Sadness at 


I have given

To all the 


Takers and 


No miracle 


No players like the


Mirror mirror

On the wall

You have a huge


No it’s not


I see the crack

Run through my


And I see

Much disgrace


Discarded and 


By most

It’s such 

A shame

I will a be

Your host.

Thinking Of Someone

I am thinking

Of you

Do you ever




I want to wrap

My arms around


And kiss you

Ever so 


I want to kiss



Hug your 


Massage your


And laugh at



I want to 

Slap your 


Pinch your 


And play

Just a bit

With your


I want to laugh

In the rain

Kiss away your


And make 

Love to


These are just

A few things

I want to do



God I love

Him so

Tell him please

To come to me

Or let me go