Just For Me

Have you ever wanted something so bad that your heart aches for it? I’m not talking about wanting another person, no I am talking about something that just consumes you because you want it so bad? Sure you have at some time in your life and the only time I have felt like this is when I wanted a parka jacket as a kid.

My grandmother got me one that was green and I wanted the blue but I was just as thrilled to get the jacket as it meant so much to me. It was more than a jacket it helped keep my legs warm when I was waiting for the bus to go to school. Now I have that same burning wanting desire.

I miss my dogs so much that is my desire, to have a pair of yorkie pups that I can breed again one day. I would be happy with just one purebreed miniature yorkie. There is nothing like a dog to make life fun and happy for me and even though we have Khloe, Khloe would love to have a puppy to torment.

Cats love to abuse and tease dogs for some unknown reason and my pets are what makes me laugh and smile through out the day. Pets do some funny ass shit and a puppy and a kitten together really do some crazy stuff. I figure if I can’t have the man I want to be with then a puppy would make my day almost the same.

I really do enjoy my pets so much more than people because they are honest and want to give love as much as accept it. Pets, you can pour your heat and soul out to and they never stab you in the back. When you’re sick, they always stay by your side and they are just great company.

I have several good friends but only one I trust to tell everything to and even sometimes I cannot tell her things because I am so embarrassed to tell anyone. That’s why I need a puppy, I need a confidant twenty four seven and since I have to go without a human confidante then a puppy it will be, one day when I can afford one again.

Once again I am putting myself behind my kids as xmas is coming and I need to get these kids some nice things for a change. I can go without because I am used to doing that but the kids, well I have to make xmas special for them as it is the first full year their dad has been gone.

I don’t mind if xmas isn’t special for me as it hasn’t been in years anyway and there really is nothing I need or look forward to. The holidays havent meant anything to me since my family is all gone. Holidays used to be huge occasions in my family and the food, well the food went on for days. 

My grandmother we used to call “ma” she was from the south and “ma” is a southern term so they went hand in hand. She always made xmas is wonderful and as kids we got the advantage of hitting up several grandparents, aunts and uncles and we scored, boy did we score big.

Now, well now everyone is gone and it’s just me and the kids and there is no laughter and joking like there used to be and I don’t even bother to decorate a tree anymore. I have completely lost my holiday spirit before the season has even begun and I have got to get it back for the kids sake.