Gift Or Curse?

Some people can sing beautifully and some people are given the gift of being a sports idol and then some are given the gift of knowing things without any knowledge or proof of it being. I have been given the gift of knowing, yes I know things just because and that is just the way it is. When I am grounded and in a well adjusted state of mind I can easily pick up when someone is trying to play me or when they are lieing to me.

I am not sure if this is a gift or curse but I do know that I hate hurting anyone and avoid it at all costs but sometimes there is a person that wants to hurt me because they cannot control me and they resent their own emotional connection with me and want me to pay in some way for their own emotional weakness. I have no desire to hurt this person but he has become careless over the years and has left himself open to actually knowing it is him for sure.

I could easily contact his family members and send his naked pic to them and I have so much proof it is him that has contacted me over the years but I have no desire to hurt him. Sometimes, mental illness only seems to affect one person in our family but the truth is stalking is caused by mental illness as well. This person is a billionaire but he is not the only billionaire that is stalking online.

I have been weighing out the good and bad of contacting his family and letting them know that he is stalking me and has for years and yes I can and will provide the proof they need to believe it. He will deny, deny, deny but the evidence cannot be ignored and his family will be in such shock and denial for a while but then they will realize that he is a sick person and all of his money cannot make him free of the mental illness that has controlled his obsessive behavior.

I finally told my bf friend about him and showed her the information about him online and she couldn’t believe he was stalking me until I showed her all of the proof I had. After looking at everything even she couldn’t deny it was him stalking me and she was quite surprised as well. She thinks he wants to meet me badly but because he is married and his wife has her thumb on him he cannot meet me without her finding out and that could never happen now could it? Nope, she would disgrace him among all family and friends and that could never do for him.

He is acting like a typical stalker, blaming me for his desire of me, being hateful, being kind, trying to find out everything he can about my life and my family ect. This is all typical stalking behavior and he needs to get help and get it fast. He could very easy pay someone to hurt me and it wouldn’t surprise me if he did so and yes he could even have me killed but would he? Who knows because he is a stalker and stalkers are very sick people.

My stalker used to be very attractive but as he ages he has lost much of his physical appeal and he is no longer wearing his age very well. The surprising thing is he has so many wrinkles at 45 years of age and I have yet to show a single wrinkle on my face. I am getting healthier every day and he is slowly losing his health, his vitality, his desire. He will stay in an unhappy relationship because to leave it would be such a blow to so many people and that would come back to haunt him or so he thinks.

He is the type of person that will wait for his spouse to die before he finds true happiness but the truth is she will out live him and he will lie on his death bed with so many regrets and so many unfulfilled desires. He is no longer the young attractive young gent, o no he now is an old man who is bitter and regretful and hates having anyone not want to kiss his ass and bow down to him and he will attempt to hurt anyone that doesn’t do his bidding but that is to bad now isn’t it???

The Greatest Gift

the greatest gift you can give anyone is hope and I believe that with my whole heart. I can remember the day the Dr. told my husband and I he only had a month to live and I was so shocked at such news. The look on the Dr.s face told me that this wasn’t the kind of news she wanted to tell us or to tell anyone for that matter. We had hope in our hearts but when she delivered the news the hope was snatched away just like that.

For some of us hope is all we have and when people play games with us or attempt to mind fuck us it takes our hope away. I have had hope for years to meet the man that is going to change my life but what do I get? I get men that play stupid games online and I know they will disappear as fast as they appeared and they talk nothing but bullshit and I do not believe anything they say anyway.

I believe that man is just to damn afraid to meet me like I am going to call the tabloids if we were ever to meet. He plays games as well and it doesn’t make him look manly in the least but instead it makes him look very immature and self centered. He seems to enjoy pretending to be someone else and he gets off on leading me on so all I have to say to him is go fuck yourself Gabriel, when you grow up let me know, maybe I will be available but don’t bet on it.

No Room

I have a king size bed and I like sleeping alone because I am a restless sleeper. I toss and turn, burp, fart, snore, sneeze and pee myself. I am not a good bed partner at all. I steal the covers and put my cold feet on the warm body net to me. I love to cuddle but men generally have a high body temperature and they are to hot for me.

I tend to cuddle, play and push away, I know that is tacky but I cannot handle the man heat. I do some weird shit when I sleep and I have a habit of putting a blanket or pillow between my thighs because I am so hot. I under cover my feet and cover them back up all night and toss and turn because I cannot get comfortable.

Everyone has sleeping habits and I absolutely hate being woken up when I am finally sleeping good. The house would be on fire and the kids would not wake me up for fear that I would go off. I haven’t been getting enough rest lately and feel pretty shitty for the most part and the pain, the fucking pain is too much.

Frankie, a friend of mine called me last night out of the blue, how weird Frankie is because he calls and says nothing and says he will call me back but he never does. Frankie is a dear one and I care deeply for him and am finally going to go visit maybe in April. I am definitely going but have to clear up the legal crap first.

I have my visa paid for and just need to get some more shots and then I can go. I was going to send a big xmas box but think I will just hand deliver it to him. He doesn’t really believe I am coming but I am and he will be shocked when I actually do show up.

The Gift

The gift I give you is your freedom, your freedom to forget me and find someone who makes you happy. You are addicted to me and this is not good. You have no desire to meet me just to read about my life and look at my pictures. It is time for Gabriel to find Gabriel and his happiness, this does not include me.

I tried I really did but even I have my limits and you are used to getting anything and anybody you like, so get yourself one just not me. I do not want anything from you and I would hope you are financially well off enough to take care of yourself and I am sure you are.

I am not for you I am not one that would bring looks your way, I am not beautiful I am not thin I am not famous and that is what you like to be seen with rich and famous. It’s just your way but not mine and I wish you luck but you are doing fine all on your own.

You were my best friend, ya you were and I always felt safe when I heard your voice. You will not accept my calls so I will call you no more. I am keeping you from the one you should be with so please be happy take care and be the best you can be, o ya find yourself Gabriel and be true to yourself.

Christmas Reality


As a young girl I remember a movie about xmas that I have seen only once but I still remember it. I was about eight years old and it there was a blizzard outside. I was holed up in my night-gown drinking hot chocolate, the kind you made on the stove.

The story was about a boy about my age who lived in the ghetto’s of New York and his family had no money for Christmas. This little boy found this cat and fell in love with it and the corner store owner ended up giving this little boy tuna fish to feed his cat.

That’s all I can remember about the story but it has stuck with me all these years. The kindness of one can make another’s world so bright and gay. It would be nice if people didn’t wait for the holidays to do good things for others but I will take whatever is offered in this world at this time.

I wish I could remember the name of that movie because I would so like to watch it again. There are some movies that have such an impact on us we never forget them. This movie is a real eye opener to the kindness of man and to see it again would be so delightful.

Boxed I

Have you ever met someone and didn’t like them and you were mean or ignored them only later to meet them again and be attracted to them? Maybe you stole something from them and later found yourself so attracted you couldn’t let go? Don’t you hate when things like that happen?

What have you done to yourself? You have boxed yourself in and it’s hard to redeem yourself in the other persons eyes. You spent hours trying to figure out how you can get this person to forgive you and get some of their attention. I have never had that happen, lol but I have had that happen to guys and they seem to have this desire to be with me.

I can remember when I was around 21 I went to the bar with some friends to celebrate my birthday and one friends boyfriends friend was an annoying ass. My girlfriend went home with her boyfriend and had his friend give me a ride home. What a night, he drove a vet and decided to show me how fast it went, lmao.

He ended up going to jail that night for speeding and drunk driving and I drove his vet to my house. He picked up his car the next day and exactly one year later he called me to wish me happy birthday and to ask me out. It’s funny how people remember me at the oddest times.

Someone I know has been trying to redeem themselves and I wish they would stop because it’s water under the bridge, dirty panties in the wash and the wet spot has dried. I have long ago forgiven him and I get pissed at times because I felt like I was spinning my wheels with him.

I think I have a better understanding why he has done what he has done and why he has stood behind the green door for so long. I do hope I am right because it makes me like him much more because I am not left up to think the worse.


No Man Catch

Women use some shady tactics to “catch a man” but the things they should be doing they seem to forget are important. Men do not like to be tricked or manipulated anymore than a woman. Men do not find the helpless, innocent, ignorant female to be attractive no matter how pretty they may be.

Men like women that are confident, independent, senual, romantic and of course sexual. Men do not like the women that chase them and they do not like women to hang on them. Men like an intelligent woman, a woman of substance, someone who is interested in them not who or what they have.

Men love to give a woman presents but the woman who accepts every gift is a damn fool. Gifts are nice but if you do not limit the ones you accept then you are losing part of yourself. I do not want a man to think I live for his presents because I am not like that and presents should only be given on special occasions.

I like to keep communication always open because as parents, we have a responsibility to our loved ones and to ourselves and letting each other know what is going on in our lives singularly as well as collectively keeps us on the same path. A relationship that is healthy is very important to me and this man makes me happy.

I want to see him healthy and happy and I want us to always be best friends first, lovers and a couple that respect each other enough to have trust, faith and love. I have no doubt with open lines of communication we will build a foundation for our relationship that is unmovable.

Re Gift Him

I was telling my gf about this guy I have been seeing and all the presents he has attempted to give me. She said to me that I obviously needed to be slapped because I could take those gifts and sell them or re gift them for xmas. I thought I had a devious mind sometimes well I have got to tell you she has me beat, hands down.

First, I would never think of accepting his gifts but to think of selling them or re gifting them is just way out there for me. I know of people who re gift their kids gifts because the kids get way to much crap and if you have to buy for a lot of family members, well what the hell.

I would never re gift a gift given to me, omg to think of doing that takes some balls and mine just don’t roll that a way. I crack up when I think about it because that is just something that is even beyond me, lol and there is few things that fall in that category. My gf keeps on me to accept these gifts and give them to her, lmao.

Gotta tell ya, a friend like that is worth so much as she is a friggin riot and the two of us drinking is the best damn time I have ever had! Neither of us drink so we get drunk very easily and stupid, let me tell you we are stupid at it’s best and we should have our own stupid slow.

White Christmas

I am watching a movie called mixed nuts and the soundtrack and the storyline are Christmas related. The movie made me think of the last time I enjoyed Christmas. I was twelve years old and wanted a blue parka jacket and I had opened all of my gifts and there was no jacket.

My grandmother came over with presents for us and when I opened the gift it was a green parka jacket. I was kind of down that it was green but then it hit me, I had the jacket I wanted, maybe not the color but never the less I finally had a warm jacket to wear while waiting for the bus.


I enjoyed Christmas watching the kids open their gifts but other than that I haven’t had a nice Christmas since I was twelve. I know this may come as a shock but a new vacuum or floor cleaner just doesn’t make a Christmas for the “little lady”.

I hope this Christmas is different and I have someone to share it with as that is what makes Christmas so happy. I like sledding and throwing snowballs, drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows and playing in the snow. 

I really enjoy shopping at Christmas, all the smells, pretty lights, decorations and the excitement in the air. I like holidays because they can be so romantic and it’s a time to show your feelings for the person you are with. Christmas can be so fun with the right person.

I hope my son has a girlfriend because “love” is so sweet during the holidays, I have no doubt Leo will still be in the picture and that will make Shelby very happy. Christmas is all about kids and that includes the kid in us because when you feed that inner child, life is so much better.