Knowledge Man

Our parents shape who we look for in a mate and when you do not have a parent of the opposite sex around then you have a difficult time finding the person for you. I only had my mother to shape my views and so I ended up in bad relationships and allowed myself to be used, abused and manipulated.

My dad and I started to build our relationship in 2007 and I can tell you I have yet to meet a man that impressed me the way my dad did. My dad was a genius, literally and I learned so much from him that I have yet to meet a man that held my interest like my dad. My dad could make me feel so good about myself when my own husband was tearing me down.

My dad loved food, absolutely loved it and there are certain things that my great grandmother used to make my dad that triggered a positive emotion from him. My great grandmother’s lemon meringue pie was one of those foods. I would make him a pie once in a while and he would tell me how much he liked it.

When he was dying I made some chili and took it to him and he couldn’t get enough of it. My dad’s last meal was my chili and that makes me feel really good as well. I miss my dad but I have someone who reminds me of him an awful lot, which is hard to do. The person I speak about is a “knowledge man” because he seeks out knowledge constantly and he enjoys learning.

He is extremely smart and I am not so sure he doesn’t have a genius IQ as well. He reminds me of my father which is new to me because I know of no one like my dad. This person is so like my dad but even better, he has the capability to show love and affection which my dad could not.

I think he is pretty awesome just as he is and behind closed doors I am sure he is pretty special as well. Behind closed doors he can be himself, he doesn’t have to live up to any ones expectations but his own. He can walk around naked if he so chooses and he can be a total slob but I doubt he is a slob every, messy at times maybe.

This person means the world to me and we have a connection that is of soulmates, I respect him immensely and sometimes he surprises the hell out of me. He is everything I have always wanted in a companion and I am his personal cheerleader without blowing smoke up his arse.

Travel Rocks

I do not have a clue of what I want in my life but I do know in two more years I am out of here. I am working on getting rid of stuff and I have a lot of stuff and I will be so glad to get rid of it.

I am trying to put as much crap online for sale as possible with xmas so close already people are snatching up my books. I made about 130 dollars last week which isn’t bad for books that I do not need.

I am still donating more stuff to Salvation Army and I want to get rid of as much as possible. Shelby is going to need stuff and so is Ryan so I am looking at getting rid of stuff between the two of them.

I have heirlooms that I have no use for like my mother in-laws china, I am just going to put that stuff online as well. I have my great grandmother’s china which is being passed to Shelby. 

Shelby wants my wedding ring which I think is b.s. because she shouldn’t be using my ring to enhance hers and she told me she wants some diamonds from Bob’s ring and my ring. My ring is worth around 7 or 8 thousand and it is beautiful.

I think I should just sell it and I can replace a banquet for Shelby, that girl does not need my wedding. If her “fiance” at the time can’t afford I nice ring well then he gotta go because her taste is too expensive.

Just For Me

Have you ever wanted something so bad that your heart aches for it? I’m not talking about wanting another person, no I am talking about something that just consumes you because you want it so bad? Sure you have at some time in your life and the only time I have felt like this is when I wanted a parka jacket as a kid.

My grandmother got me one that was green and I wanted the blue but I was just as thrilled to get the jacket as it meant so much to me. It was more than a jacket it helped keep my legs warm when I was waiting for the bus to go to school. Now I have that same burning wanting desire.

I miss my dogs so much that is my desire, to have a pair of yorkie pups that I can breed again one day. I would be happy with just one purebreed miniature yorkie. There is nothing like a dog to make life fun and happy for me and even though we have Khloe, Khloe would love to have a puppy to torment.

Cats love to abuse and tease dogs for some unknown reason and my pets are what makes me laugh and smile through out the day. Pets do some funny ass shit and a puppy and a kitten together really do some crazy stuff. I figure if I can’t have the man I want to be with then a puppy would make my day almost the same.

I really do enjoy my pets so much more than people because they are honest and want to give love as much as accept it. Pets, you can pour your heat and soul out to and they never stab you in the back. When you’re sick, they always stay by your side and they are just great company.

I have several good friends but only one I trust to tell everything to and even sometimes I cannot tell her things because I am so embarrassed to tell anyone. That’s why I need a puppy, I need a confidant twenty four seven and since I have to go without a human confidante then a puppy it will be, one day when I can afford one again.

Once again I am putting myself behind my kids as xmas is coming and I need to get these kids some nice things for a change. I can go without because I am used to doing that but the kids, well I have to make xmas special for them as it is the first full year their dad has been gone.

I don’t mind if xmas isn’t special for me as it hasn’t been in years anyway and there really is nothing I need or look forward to. The holidays havent meant anything to me since my family is all gone. Holidays used to be huge occasions in my family and the food, well the food went on for days. 

My grandmother we used to call “ma” she was from the south and “ma” is a southern term so they went hand in hand. She always made xmas is wonderful and as kids we got the advantage of hitting up several grandparents, aunts and uncles and we scored, boy did we score big.

Now, well now everyone is gone and it’s just me and the kids and there is no laughter and joking like there used to be and I don’t even bother to decorate a tree anymore. I have completely lost my holiday spirit before the season has even begun and I have got to get it back for the kids sake.

I Miss

I miss my grandparents and living with them as a kid, I remember my grandmother putting coke bottles on the porch and it was so cold the pop froze and broke the bottle. I miss the chickens clucking and the rooster attacking my sister, lol – I miss the cows mooing for their breakfast and I miss the smell of the pigs.

I miss the smell of frying pork chops for breakfast and I miss the large vats of tea, the fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread, fried apples, sausages, eggs and all the pies my grandmother used to make. Have you noticed no one cooks like your mom? No one could cook or bake like my grandma’s.

I miss such a simple life, life was so easy then and when I got mad at my grandmother I would scribble on paper and put it in the mail box as the pages were to be letters sent to my mother. Of course after a while the mailman got pissed and told my grandmother and of course she scolded me, probably beat my ass with a switch.

I miss the special trips to the candy store and the peach vendor stopping my so my grandmother could by like 20 containers of peaches. I miss sitting in front of the washer and dryer waiting for my “gutty” to get washed and dried. My “gutty” was my security blanket and I noticed my kids never needed anything to make them feel secure.

Kids that have security blankets or toys are very insecure do to parental separation or one of the parents is gone a lot. I was so glad to see that I hadn’t raised insecure kids, at least I did something right. My kids will thank me one day for raising them the way I did and yes I made a lot of errors but I did a lot right as well.

Why Me?

To many people ask “why me” when something bad happens to them, they blame God and curse him. Why don’t people say “why not me?” as no one is special or immune from heartache and pain. I never ask “why me” because I am one of those people who already know “why not me.”

I come from divorced parents who trashed myself my brother and sister, she dumped us on our grandparents to raise us, until money became involved (child support). She took us back and beat the shit out of us daily, she left multiple bruises which required wearing long sleeve shirts in 100 degree weather.

Once I grew up I took care of my grandmother until I found her dead in bed. Fast forward to 2002 when both of my in-laws passed away, 2003 my husband lost his leg do to a dr.s error, I dealt with my husband’s clotting disorder and he was constantly going to the hospital. Then my brother was found dead, he was homeless and mentally ill and quite happy.

Then my aunt died of legionnaires disease, then my grandmother from cancer, then my husband passed from leukemia last year and my father passed of colon cancer in January. So “why not me?” has become words I live by as it helps with such great loss and disappointment.

For those cursing God for what they see as a misfortune, I am thanking God for the opportunity to be there for those I loved and who loved me back. The greatest thing you can do for another human being besides loving them is being able to fulfill their last wishes or be there to have their body handled properly.

To me, the body is just a vase to hold the soul of the person and when the person passes on, their soul moves on and leaves an empty vase.  Funerals are for the living, not the dead as they have moved on and are quite happy I am sure and they are looking down on us with smiles.

I have  learned something from every death and it has come in handy to help others. There are so many people that have asked me about funerals. They want to know how to save money if they could, simply the answer is yes, you can rent a casket and you can join the crematory society in your area.

You can actually plan a complete funeral through them for approximately $3600.00 if you want all the bells and whistles and if you are just less than vanilla and just want go through the oven well that’s approx. $700.00. You can also set it up now and prepay, kind of like cash and carry, lol.

My life reads like a mad novel but that’s ok because good is coming to me, happiness is just around the corner even if that corner is two blocks away. I will never give up hope that I will be loved the way I need to be loved and he need the kind of love that I have to offer, I do believe in happily ever after and I am just sitting and waiting for my after to come to me

My My

Well poor James is really wanting me to go to court this morning as his own parents are not going. He was in the car with John when the dumbass went over and pissed off his girlfriends grandparents and they called the cops. Then he was supposed to take James home because he had been up all night and he fell asleep in John’s car.

John went back over the grandparents house after I told him not to and both got arrested. James got arrested for having a pipe and weed in his lap and John for trespassing. These stupid ass kids never listen and learn. I will show up for James because the kid really has no one in his corner.

James is a good kid it’s John that is the bad seed, his own parents say he’s an asshole, lol. The kid was supposed to move in the basement then I found out the little fuck doesn’t even have a job. Well, that is just to bad because he messed with the wrong person,lieing to me and not even calling to see how Ry is.

He was using my son so now it’s time for me to pull out my bag of  “your fucked” because I am going to burn that kid like he has never been burned. John might as well bend over and kiss his ass goodbye because I have a plan in place to save James and torch John. It’s not nice to try to fool Kimberly, o no.