What The Hell

I only woke up once last night and ran into the great room looking for Ryan, he has severely traumatized me. I see his lips turning blue and I gag. I can finally eat and shit like a normal body should. I finally got my bedroom almost clean and the great room furniture moved around.

I am starting to get motivated again which is great because my son has made me very depressed and when people post things on my fb which I know are pointed at me it really hurts and makes my life so much harder. I am sitting on the couch now eating a frozen stouffer’s dinner of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and green beans and carrots.

I usually do my own cooking but it’s been draining running to the hospitals and will start cooking soon. I’m wearing a wife beater t shirt and shorts and I am mentally fried. This situation with my son makes me shake my head and say what the fuck. I can do nothing for my son as I have done all I can and pray that he is in a long term care.

I finally feel relief and can breathe again but my son is really mad at me and I do not know why. I am assuming he is pissed over something related to my husband. He has to deal with the anger before his life will get better and I hope he can get rid of his demons.

The Embrace

I stood in the center of my great room and hugged myself and it felt good, yes it did. I have needed a hug for so long and since there is no one alive that is available, I hug myself and I liked it. I will not wait for someone to love me as I am loving myself and if I molest myself along the way, fantastic I need some physical appreciation as well.