A Hope A Dream

I woke up to take Ryan to school and he was up all night sick so he didn’t make it to school, again. I am still sick myself with the intestinal flu. I went back to bed and had the most delightful dream. I seem to have the best dreams after I go back to sleep and they are always so comforting.

I was sleeping in his bed in France and the light was sneaking peeks through the drapes. He was lieing behind me with his arm over my waist. I could feel the warmth of his body and his breath on my neck and I moved his hand from my waist and placed it on my bare breast.

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We were so comfortable and it felt so right to be next to him. There was no sexual arousal, it was just two people feeling secure and happy to be with each other. Both of us needed this time to relax and to recharge for the day ahead and he was going to be leaving for the day shortly.

He repositioned himself and we slowly awoke and he climbed over me to get out of bed and into the shower. My day wasn’t to start for several more hours but the thought of him in the shower made me get up and join him. Both of us stood under the hot water and I soaped up the sponge and began to wash him.

I slowly moved the sponge over his neck and down his chest and then I washed his back and moved back to his crotch and gently washed his erect member. I worked around to his tight butt and washed him delicately. He kissed my neck and put me against the wall and entered me slowly.

This was no hasty sexual act but an act of slow methodical  demonstrative love. We made slow, passionate love and both of us exploded like a bomb. I washed his hair and then bent down and washed his legs and feet as he washed my hair and bathed me. We exited the shower and dried each other off and both of us had that look of mischievous on our faces.

I took off towards the bed and he chased me and as I dove into the bed he followed. We got under the covers and in a comfortable position and we talked about the days events. He got out of bed and I admired his glistening nakedness as he got dressed and then I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing.

I really like dreams like this because it makes me feel safe and secure, he makes me feel safe and secure and just thinking of him puts a smile on my face. I wish he was just a regular guy with a regular job but he isn’t regular in any way shape or form. With all that he has he also goes without the security of knowing that people like him for himself not his title.

People can be rich and famous and others think they have it all but the truth is they have no piece of mind. They always have to protect themselves from users and people who want to capitalize from them. Women have to be analyzed for their intentions and motives as well.

Would I ever want to be rich and famous? No, you may have the fame and all that you want materialistically but you can never be sure if someone likes you for you and nothing more. I have known him for years and the last two is when I discovered who he really is.

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It is difficult for me to know who he is because I feel as if he compares me to all of the other women that want to be with him because of who he is. He doesn’t realize that his fame is a total turn off to me because I have no desire to live that lifestyle, no I am the girl who wants to go back to her youth of happiness living on a farm.

My wedding ring is very beautiful I guess but I am not into jewelry and my daughter wants my ring. I do not know if I should give it to her or not because it does represent her father and I. The ring means nothing to me and holds no memories like it should but the first sign that the marriage wasn’t going to work was the day we got married.

My girlfriend took pictures at the justice of the peace and not a single picture turned out. That represented a black cloud over our marriage to me. Things progressively got more distant as the years went on and we were no more than two ships passing in the night. I look back now and I see my purpose in the marriage was to take care of my husband until he reached heaven.

I did all the required duties and so much more but the marriage lacked the essentials for a happy union. I guess I am a strange  bird because I do not want anyone to support me or pay my bills and take care of my kids. I do not want a fancy house and car and I do not want a closet full of expensive clothes.

What do I want? A small ranch and a garden that I can pick fresh tomatoes, cilantro, garlic and jalapeno peppers. I really like hot sauce and making my own is the best. I just want a simple, happy life and I think that is what he is striving for himself because he has realized long ago the pitfalls of fame.

No matter how my dreams end I will always want him to be happy and healthy and I will always want his happiness, even if it is at the expense of my own. I have such a deep believe in the thought of us as true soul mates and that will never change because it continues to grow stronger year by year.

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The Happy Side

I can honestly say I am not unhappy but I am not happy and I just go through each day as it melts into the next. I think most people live life that way and I surely know that  way to many marriages and relationships are like that. I was in a marriage like that so I can back up what I say.

I do not believe life is meant to be that way for me, no I believe my life will be exactly happy. I know it will happen one day but damn that day is taking a hell of a long time to get here. I know what it will take to get there and that is sharing my life with someone who can understand me.

I am very simple to understand but people look at me and get so confused by my different sides that they cannot even begin to grasp the real me. I am like that algebra problem I could never solve, I looked at it and got overwhelmed, but then I stepped back and looked at the problem piece by piece.

That is the way you have to look at people, many different things make up a person’s makeup and you have to break down the personality in that fashion. I know someone who was raised on a farm and understands the importance of the land yet he is wealthy and also appreciates the finer things.

I just want to be happy with someone else and watch the grass grow, I just want a simple life that is quiet and enjoyable. I just want to watch the moon and the stars slowly kissing the one that I love. Is that asking to much? Am I wanting just to much for myself and another?

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 guess I am a strange one but I believe you really need to live on both side of the septic tank. People aren’t happy and off they go looking for someone to make them happy. But what they do not realize is happiness comes from within.

People no longer accept the vows of marriage and it is a shame because I no longer believe in the sanction of marriage. I guess I am going to be a flower child hippy just floating through life. I am seriously looking at where I want to be in two years and you know what? I cannot think of a single place, lol.

I’m seriously thinking about joining the peace corp because I love helping others and seeing how my work has helped them. I so want to go to Nigeria and teach them about safe food handling and food banks, but of course that takes money but I am working on that aspect right now.

I really need to work with a non profit as I get so much enjoyment out of it and I do have so much to offer.