Health Wise

We tend to take our health for granted but as we age little things creep up on us, arthritis being the number one pain we feel and other problems start to show themselves. I decided last  to start taking my health serious and start getting myself taken care of health wise. I had surgery on my shoulder and I saw my cardiologist and neurologist and got a clean bill of health.

I am having surgery on the 28th of this month and probably will end up having another surgery in six months. I have had my mammogram and my colonoscopy so I have taken care of the most important health issues and preventive measures. We take our health for granted until something bad happens but I am getting caught up on that front.

The surgery on the 28th is going to change my life tremendously and no it isn’t cosmetic surgery. I do not believe in cosmetic surgery of any kind unless it is required to help a medical issue. I will no doubt need to have surgery on my nose but it isn’t for cosmetic reasons, I have issues with my septum that need to be taken care of.

My biggest worry is diabetes as my brother died from it and almost every family member has had it. It is up to me to do everything I can to avoid getting it and I will do what ever I have to to avoid it. I eat healthy and I actually eat very little but you would never know that by my weight and I hate it. I am who I am except me for who I am and the way I look or get the fuck out of my life is exactly how I feel.

The Wish Of Christmas

My wish for Christmas is that my children stay healthy and know that I love them. My wish of Christmas that I may touch people in a helpful and positive manner. I want not for myself because what I want and need cannot be purchased and comes with no price tag. I just want those that are grieving to know we grieve together.

We may feel we are alone at times but we are never truly alone as our loved ones are with us. I know those that have moved on never forget us and they look down upon us with love and hope for our happiness. It is difficult to be without family and the holidays are terribly lonely without them but we must remember the joy we brought into each other’s lives.

The tear you shed today comes back to you in the form of a hug you cannot see and a kiss you can feel but lips you cannot see. Hold tight to those good memories and be thankful you had the time you did with that person. Be thankful you have family and those of us that do not, let it be known we hold hands and are together.

Up & Give

Our biggest obstacle in life is ourselves and the lack of self-esteem. We do not think we can accomplish our goals and the we have those that smash our dreams. You can be anything or do anything you wish to as long as you believe and believing is the hardest part. All we need is faith in ourselves and others.

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We had a very difficult time teaching my husband to walk with his prosthetic but he did it. He not only walked he could run and it was wonderful to see him walk and run like he used to. The loss of his leg destroyed a part of him and I could never even to begin to understand his pain but I tried.

When you feel like a failure and you feel like you cannot accomplish your goal, look back on this post and say out loud I CAN DO IT, I WILL DO IT.

Foot Foot Who’s Got The Foot?

I was just thinking how ugly my feet are and how they went from a size 8 to 9 after I had the kids. I have wide feet and it’s hard to find shoes that fit without killing my feet. I have had foot problems since I was a kid and my toes are scary ugly, or at least I think so. My daughter’s baby toe curves in like her grandfather’s.

Bob had a curved baby toe to and I was also thinking about the title of this post. When Bob was in icu, one of the times he was in icu the nurse came in to check his pulse to his feet. She reached under the blanket and felt his left food and then asked him if she could feel his right foot.

He didn’t have a right foot and Bob literally started to cry when she left the room. I felt so bad for him and I was so pissed I told the nurse that he was her only patient and she should have read his chart because that was her job. I went on a serious nut and filed a complaint.

Filing a complaint didn’t change a thing but at least Bob knew that I wasn’t leaving him to the wolves. Anyway, Bob had so so feet I guess , I never gave it much thought except he had little feet size 8. His feet were really skinny like his legs and it just looked odd to me that a man 5’10” would have such a small foot.

Feet are so sensual and I can tell you if someone sucks on your second toe you will feel it clear up into your groin. It is an arousal spot and the nerve runs clear up our legs. Try it some time if you haven’t, I believe you will find it quite enjoyable and exciting.

Negative Back Feed

People can be so mean and hateful and when you blog you are doing it for yourself. Some blog to make money, release feelings and emotions, settle problems in their own mind and numerous other reasons. You should never get hurtful back feed you should only get positive feedback.

I was reading a post and the comment made was one that made me want to slap someone. I wanted to reach right through the computer and slap the person that made such a comment. The blogger is dealing with a mental illness and the “commenter” was saying how much he hated people with a certain mental illness.

People with mental illness fight everyday to make it through and it is difficult when you do not have positive around you. Mental illness is so ignored  anymore and thrown to the wayside. Mental illness can be controlled under the right circumstances with the right medicine.

I have bipolar disorder as does my 15 yr old son. I am happy to say I am quite stable and doing fine mentally. My son on the other hand is going through what I went through trying to find the right “cocktail” of meds. Mental illness is usually treated with several different meds and you have got to take your meds.

I hate taking meds but I do it daily to keep the abyss from swallowing me whole. The more I trust myself the better off I have been and the meds help with that. I am making good decisions and thinking of myself for a change. I no longer fall for stupid lines from men or are manipulated by them.

I see my future clearly these days and who will be in it and who won’t, sometimes you just have to cut someone lose if they are giving you what you need emotionally. That is where I am at and I am doing a good job at it to. I have reached the limit of no return and it’s about time I take control of my life.

“C” Ab

I think a muscular body is so hot on a guy and thighs and calves really get me going. I also like that little spot where the thigh meets the butt, ohh  la la and then there is the six pack that makes me just want to do bad things. “C” has an awesome chest and he is so sexy but I can’t seem to do anything but friendly gestures.

I like his chest and the feel of it on my face and him running his hand through my hair as we are chatting. It’s so natural yet so odd at the same time. I am guilty of doing the most insulting thing that you can do to anyone without them knowing it, I think of someone else which I hate doing.

 

I find myself fantasizing about “him” which isn’t fair to “C” but I cannot help it. I fantasize that I am with “him” but I cannot have sex with “C” because if I do, I would feel “soiled” if “him” and I ever met. I know that is stupid but I am the way I am and I have morals and ethics I just cannot throw away.

Education Station

Well, my son managed to get himself suspended from school last Friday. I have been trying to get him registered in a high school down the street for troubled kids. There are pregnant teens, teens with babies, drug and theft issues and you name it.

The high school has daycare and special counseling for these kids. Ryan will hopefully fit in and I am sure he will. I also think he will be very helpful to the girls because he loves kids and is so good with them.

I am so hoping he gets a girlfriend and I think this school is the perfect “catching” ground for him. He hates school and I can’t blame him because he gets so bored because he is to smart, like his grandfather was.

Both of my kids are very smart and Shelby will probably be valedictorian or valedictorian. Ryan excels at the classes he likes and he hates religion and going to mass. He wants me to take him to school so he can get his things from his locker.

I think he wants me to take him so he can tell the principal to fuck off. The principal will get pissed and look at me for parental take over but all I would be able to do is look at him and tell him I agree with Ryan.

Sometimes, you have to take your kids side when you feel the same way and not be a hypocrite and do one thing and say another. I think I will take him so he has something to brag about to the new kids he is to meet.

I am so thrilled these kids have someone to talk to, in fact numerous people to talk to and as soon as my son gets a gf, it’s condom shopping straight away.

I hope he knows how to use them because I am not showing him, well maybe I guess I can get out a banana but then I would embarrass the shit out of him. I am sure he knows how to use one, I think-hell I don’t know.

 

Seriously Now

People move to fast in today’s world and everyone wants everything right now and that includes relationships. I am very cautious of people and relationships because I am afraid to get hurt. “C” and I have spent time together and we talk on the phone and skype all the time.

He’s talking about Christmas and us possibly living together, I haven’t been seeing him a month and he is talking like this. I am not going to live with him, we haven’t even done the deed. Why do people feel so threatened  and think if you are married, living together or are a couple that you and every thing you do should revolve around them.

You cannot control anyone and being in a relationship doesnt  give you the right of control.  “C” is jealous of “him” which is so stupid but it is quite obvious. I told “C” that “he” said he would meet me in vegas in January and we both busted out laughing when I told him. We know that will never happen because “he” likes to play games.

The way things work out for me is I would go to vegas and he wouldn’t show of course and I would end up hurt and disappointed again and I will not let him do that to me. If he wanted to meet me he would make arrangements to do so which would be convenient for me and my safety. Who knows he might be the next one that is into white slavery or something off the wall.

Direction Positive

I have been going through quite a few mental changes and how I view people and the world. These changes are subtle but definitive and they are reshaping my views and fears. I am ready to step forward into a healthy relationship and I have wiped the slate completely clean so we can start fresh.

It’s like I have met someone for the first time when in fact I have known him four years. I want to meet him and talk to him and I want to know what I feel for this person. I love him, yes but in a different way then I have loved anyone else-it’s hard to describe but I know I can be silly with him.

I also know I can be myself with him and that is hard to come by because I do not feel totally comfortable with anyone. I have always kept a shield up but with him I feel safe enough to let it down. He is finally letting a bit of his guard down as well and this is good for both of us.

I do not want to change a single thing in his life, not where he lives, the time he spends with his kids or family, the way he sleeps. The sleeping part is a lie because I want him to get into a better sleeping pattern for his health. He is going to make a gigantic change in his own life soon enough.

I am here for him and I am starting to believe he is here for me but I am going to continue to see “C” until I know there is a connection with us. I won’t have sex with “C” but I will continue to want him to kiss me and hold my naked body next to his. It is an odd relationship we have because he hasn’t tried to push the sex button.

 

Boxed I

Have you ever met someone and didn’t like them and you were mean or ignored them only later to meet them again and be attracted to them? Maybe you stole something from them and later found yourself so attracted you couldn’t let go? Don’t you hate when things like that happen?

What have you done to yourself? You have boxed yourself in and it’s hard to redeem yourself in the other persons eyes. You spent hours trying to figure out how you can get this person to forgive you and get some of their attention. I have never had that happen, lol but I have had that happen to guys and they seem to have this desire to be with me.

I can remember when I was around 21 I went to the bar with some friends to celebrate my birthday and one friends boyfriends friend was an annoying ass. My girlfriend went home with her boyfriend and had his friend give me a ride home. What a night, he drove a vet and decided to show me how fast it went, lmao.

He ended up going to jail that night for speeding and drunk driving and I drove his vet to my house. He picked up his car the next day and exactly one year later he called me to wish me happy birthday and to ask me out. It’s funny how people remember me at the oddest times.

Someone I know has been trying to redeem themselves and I wish they would stop because it’s water under the bridge, dirty panties in the wash and the wet spot has dried. I have long ago forgiven him and I get pissed at times because I felt like I was spinning my wheels with him.

I think I have a better understanding why he has done what he has done and why he has stood behind the green door for so long. I do hope I am right because it makes me like him much more because I am not left up to think the worse.