Want It

When you have feelings for someone it always feels so good to tell them or show them. I have feelings for two men now and I really do not know which one to choose. The one that is doing flips for me is making me very happy and the one that I am not sure how he really feels is always on my mind.

So what do I do? I do nothing because when I can’t choose I think about it for a few days then make my final decision. The one that is long distance show me nothing but games so that is his first strike. I can afford not to settle for less than I deserve because I am seeing people for who they really are.

I am eliminating the old and useless and opening the door for new and useful. It doesn’t matter what your feelings are for someone else because you have to put yourself first no matter what. Nobody is going to come and take care of me and I know that so I put myself first for a change.

I have finally built a suit of armor for myself and I am not so easily pushed over. I have reached my “fed up” point. I am fed up with people trying to railroad me and use me, I am fed up with the games and lies and I am fed up with being ripped off. I am taking back what is mine and walking away from people and things I no longer want.

Wrong Thought

Most people have no idea what it means to let other’s know they love them because they always think those people will be there. I have learned how precious time is when I lost my entire family in the last five years. Do you have any idea what it feels like to make Thanksgiving dinner and you are the only eating it?

Do you have any idea what it is like to be in front of the tv or computer eating dinner alone? Do you have any idea what it is like to spend holidays alone? I’m not even putting up an xmas tree this year and didn’t last year either because no one cares, the kids don’t care and I cannot do it alone so I don’t bother.

The holidays no longer are fun or exciting for me and the most excitement I have had this month is chatting with some guys on topface.  Of course they are all lieing and probably scammers and that is one thing I have “him” to thank for. I have learned so much about scammers that I have to be thankful to him.

I no longer get scammed and I no longer believe anything anyone says to be online. I invited Mr. Soccer for Thanksgiving dinner, do you think he will fly in from Dubai? I have no doubt he will and I have even washed sheets for his arrival, NOT. These guys think I fell off the turnip truck but they do not know the truth, I own the truck.


There is this guy on tv with four wives, is this guy out of his mind? Women living together end up menstruating at the same time, this guy has got to be a closet drunk. I cannot image having a relationship with three other women, not happening, not now not ever.

I do not like women to begin with, sorry readers-women are petty and catty and working in the steel mill as an industrial electrician with all men has taught me two things, women bitch-men whine.

Men whine like forever about the stupidest shit and women bitch because we are trying to get things done. If you disagree with me, guess what I don’t care, lmao. I have heard every complaint a man could ever have about a woman.

I listened to one guy whine about his wife not wanting to have anal sex with him, like what am I suppose to do about it? Then I listened to another guy complain about what a lousy cook his wife was even though dinner was on the table every night.

Men whine and whine and whine and it gets as old as listening to someone bitch all the time. Women bitch because they are not happy and the more they bitch the more you better pay attention.

Never Single

When people ask me what my marital status is I am not sure how to answer. Am I a widow, a deceased man’s wife or am I single? How can I be single but have children-wouldn’t that make me a three-pack? I will never put my children aside for a man, they are all I have and I am all they have.

My family all decided they like hanging together at the cemetery and I will be sitting here by myself on Thanksgiving because I want my daughter to have a “normal” Thanksgiving where there is a real dinner and pies.

I have lost my desire to cook or bake and that is not a good sign. I adore baking and cooking and I get such pleasure from feeding other’s. This year will be an empty lonely day that I am still waiting for this surprise to show up on my doorstep.

I haven’t told you about the surprise? Several weeks before my birthday (which I spent alone) on November 9-someone contacted me on my facebook I think and said they had a surprise for me. Well, true to form no surprise showed up, like I am stifling my shock, right?

I really need to learn not to let myself look forward to things because it never happens. The surprise lie package I call it. No surprises come my way because they are either non existent or I already know about them, ya it’s called psychic ability.

Ms. Right

I feel as if I am the perfect person for someone special, yes he knows who he is and I am sure he is feeling quite smug at this moment. He seems to always get what he wants but with me, well he will be getting what he needs. I confuse him, piss him off, make him feel fantastic and loved and keep him guessing.

He can’t figure out why he is attracted to me when there are so many beautiful women in this world he could choose from. I am not ugly but I am not a knock down beautiful woman either. I do ok and I am ok with who I am which is more than I can say for a lot of women.

I am Ms. Right and there is nothing he can do about it, which is what cracks me up. It’s called soulmates love, yes soulmates.  I will always be Ms. Right for someone special and you will be too, everyone has a Ms. Right or Mr. Right. We just have to believe and bring in positive into our lives.

Multi Colors

Have you ever completely shut out the world, closed your eyes open your arms wide and whirl in a circle feeling life? Have you ever noticed how the world is multi colored? Have you ever stood in the center of no where and just enjoyed the serenity of the moment?

Bet you haven’t done any of the above and think I am  a freak of nature. Well, that is really sad because absorbing the beauty that is before us and doing it away from everyone else gives you a new perspective on what is really important in your life. All the crap is weeded through and the important things comes bubbling up to the surface of the brain.

The world is such a beautiful place and I am not so sure that it is round, I mean all I have done is read that it is round but have no proof. It’s like we have been taught Christopher Columbus discovered America this is a lie, he did no such thing as he was the second man to discover America.

I think there is beauty within every person, even the ones I have no use for. We are all beautiful beings with a purpose and a mission and do not believe otherwise. Do an act of kindness today and see how it feels, it feels good and it is rewarding. It would be so nice if there was a day specific for random kindness.

I know I am a dreamer and dreamers appear to be flighty and flakey and maybe I am but that’s ok because being flaky requires butter so butter me up and eat me.