The shower is running and the steam is rolling from the room, you step under the water and it runs down your body but I am nowhere to be found. I want to wash you, kiss you, hold you and comfort you. It is our time soon enough if we hold on and keep the faith, the love that surrounds us is precious and unusual.


We can try to deny the truth of our connection for only so long and then the man steps in and makes it happen. We walk hand in hand as the mist parts for us to have free passage. This is our life, this is our destiny and this is the place we belong but for only so long because we will be one in time.

Do not turn your back, do not close the door, do not run into the dark and stay out of the shadows. I will always protect you, I will always hold you dear to me and I will always be yours and yours alone. I tried to replace you but you have become my restrictor plate, you hold me tight and you push away the others.

You are a lover and you are a dreamer as I, do not deny it because we both know it’s true that you belong to me and I belong to you and you can run but I have a tight hold so do not jump off the cliff of denial because I am attached to your heart and you are attached to mine.

Quarter Bounce

I finally bought a new king size mattress for my bed. I got rid of our mattress a few days after Bob died. I just couldn’t sleep in that bed any longer. Every morning since May 10, 2003 I would put my hand on his chest to see if he was still alive.

Bob’s family has a clotting disorder and Bob would get clots quite a bit. I thought he would die from them but he died from leukemia. The mattress was to symbolic of him and it had to go. I got a new one and it is extra firm.

The mattress is so hard you can bounce a quarter off of it. Most people wouldn’t like to sleep on a mattress that hard but I have slept great for the last two nights. I haven’t woke up with back or hip pain, it’s a beautiful thing.

The next dilemma is  being very careful of  “breaking it in”. I seem to remember the first man I have been on a mattress. I do not want just anyone in my bed if you know what I mean but I can only wait so long and with “C” in my life, I don’t know if we ever will make love but the potential is definitely there.

Fancy Flute

Kids are a trip and the smallest things grab their attentions. In my house the kids have a thing for the wine glasses or champagne flutes, they haven’t found the margarita glasses yet. They like to drink pop out of them or juice.

My daughter started this trend years ago when I gave her welch’s grape juice in a shot glass. I do not drink but the kids get a kick out of using the stemware. My daughter also has a thing for my gravy server because she likes the shape of the serving spoon.

Shelby used to have tea parties and I would make the girls juice and put it in a teapot and they enjoyed their little party with sandwiches and cookies. Remembering times like these put a smile on my face because the kids were so damn cute.


I have been sleeping on a queen size mattress on my king size bed because i threw away my mattress after Bob died. Today, the kids and I went and bought a new one and we got a 60″ tv. They come tomorrow and James will finally have a mattress for his bed, the mattress is really comfortable if you do not have back problems.

I settled on an extra firm mattress and I almost fell asleep while they wrote it up, I am hoping to sleep better finally because I toss and turn too much and soft mattresses are painful for my hip and back. Age is something on the body and I have torn up my back helping Bob and now my shoulder from my son trying to commit suicide.

Half my daily battle is getting through the day with as little pain as possible and I really need my sleep or I am really bitchy. I think this may help me quite a bit because no pain I feel great but when I wake up hurting I am so damn miserable.

Anger Management

I think some of you can tell I have that female scorpio temper and you are so right! I do not get really pissed often because I let that shit build up inside like the piss on the bottom of the toilet seat, ya guys while you’re drawing your gf’s face in piss in the bottom of the toilet, that shit is splashing.

I do not get pleasure out of hurting anyone but then again they didn’t seem to mind hurting me now did they? I have enough evidence to back up any claims I post and people can run but they can never completely hide. I have records going back four years on a certain individual and he is so full of himself he wanted me to know who he was.

I think that is why he follows my blog, he is waiting for his picture to be posted, mon chere’ your time is coming.

I wasn’t impressed than and I am not impressed now and I admit I fell in love with a non entity for years but I recently woke up and I am cleaning out my closet. Out with the old and non useful to the new and useful and I feel nothing, I am not sad, upset or regret a single decision I have made this month.

Next month will start with a bang as well as I go on trial for a felony, ya going into my deceased dad’s home. Cops are stupid and they are lining my pockets with money from their own ignorance, thank you gentlemen. I have been trying to get this trial over for several months now and December 5th will be the finale.

Once I get on the stand and the probate judge’s statement is read it’s all over with and the prosecutor loses, dumb bitch.

Hurting Place

Try as we do we cannot stop love from reaching a hopeless place that is a hurting place. We carry our hearts on our sleeve and someone comes along and squashed those good feelings. Letting go into a drowning pool is what it feels like for me and the seaweed wraps itself around my legs pulling me further down.

Is it a hopeless place we go  for so long or is it our own minds that place us there? Does love and the loss of it take us to the box with no lid, does it take us to the shower with no water? Dealing with loss of love is very difficult and painful to the heart for so many of us and we look at ourselves like fools gold.



Just Say It Already

Have you ever gotten pissed because someone put the toilet paper on backwards? Left a glob of toothpaste in the sink? Didn’t flush the toilet or left their clothes on the bathroom floor? These are fighting words for so many.

People let things build up and then they blow up over stupid shit. This is where the lack of communication comes in. Instead of dealing with the problem at hand a lot of people hold their resentment in and blow up over stupid shit.

So what if the toilet is put on backwards, don’t get pissed of over it just make it plain and clear to the other person what annoys you. Yes, this can backfire and they can use it against you to piss you off just because they know they can.

I started a new campaign around my house and my new slogan is ” pick it or pitch it” which means pick your shit up or I throw it away. I don’t care if it’s clothes, shoes, games, computers whatever it goes in the trash.

My son found his geometry book in the trash and acted like I had committed some terrible injustice. He has been banned from using tableware because he won’t put his dishes in the dishwasher, now he has paper plates, cups, bowls and plastic ware he can pitch.

So we need to talk more, bitch less and appreciate each other for a change.




The Chimes

I really like wind chimes and I could listen to them moving in the wind all day long. There is something about the sound that takes me back home. The sound reminds me of hot summer days and hummingbirds drinking their nectar and fluttering around the flowers on the bush.

I think the sound of wind chimes is so relaxing and soothing and it puts me in a relaxed mood. I just so enjoy the simple country life and the wind chimes is such a reminder of those days and it makes me feel comforted.

Odd Bed Fellows

Everyone has a unique way of sleeping, some have a pillow between their knees, some have one under their knees or feet, some hug a pillow and some must have two pillows under their head. Most don’t even recognize the feel of the sheets, I for one notice two things, if I have a feather pillow and at least a thousand thread count sheets.

I know that’s kind of anal but there is only one thing I like more than being in bed and that is in the tub. I love having a master bathroom with a jacuzzi tub it’s so comfy and pleasing in more ways than one, lol..It’s a damn shame all this sexiness is going to waste, roflmao, told you I was an asshole, at least I can admit it and laugh.

Back to bed, when I have a partner besides a cat or dog, more in the male persuasion human species kind, I like to have my head on his arm, hand on chest and right knee next to groin. When I turn over, then I have a pillow between my knees, relieves some of that post surgery pain.

I really like the feel of cool sheets and the softness of them, I like to go for all the “cold” spots in the bed, moving my leg once the bed gets warm underneath my leg. I know it’s weird but I am weird in my own way and it’s ok to be weird and it is damn fun at times as well.

Morning Has Broken


Have you ever noticed how beautiful the sky is when the sun begins to rise? The sky looks like cans of paint have been thrown across the it. It’s so beautiful and gives me such a peaceful feeling, I can  see the colors through the trees and it’s as if the sunrise is sneaking up without anyone noticing.

The sun is slowly rising and lighting up the sky for the day, the beauty of the day is so awesome and I can see the squirrels are up early hiding their winter nuts, which they will have long forgotten where they hid them. The birds are chirping their morning wake up calls to the other birds and they are trying to eat as much as possible for winter weight.

The trees are shedding their leaves which will leave the trees completely bare exposing the trees naked trunk and branches. The morning is a beautiful time of day. Everyone is asleep and it’s just me, just myself being with my myself to enjoy the peacefulness without it being shattered by another voice. This morning is mine and mine alone.