I Miss

I miss my grandparents and living with them as a kid, I remember my grandmother putting coke bottles on the porch and it was so cold the pop froze and broke the bottle. I miss the chickens clucking and the rooster attacking my sister, lol – I miss the cows mooing for their breakfast and I miss the smell of the pigs.

I miss the smell of frying pork chops for breakfast and I miss the large vats of tea, the fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread, fried apples, sausages, eggs and all the pies my grandmother used to make. Have you noticed no one cooks like your mom? No one could cook or bake like my grandma’s.

I miss such a simple life, life was so easy then and when I got mad at my grandmother I would scribble on paper and put it in the mail box as the pages were to be letters sent to my mother. Of course after a while the mailman got pissed and told my grandmother and of course she scolded me, probably beat my ass with a switch.

I miss the special trips to the candy store and the peach vendor stopping my so my grandmother could by like 20 containers of peaches. I miss sitting in front of the washer and dryer waiting for my “gutty” to get washed and dried. My “gutty” was my security blanket and I noticed my kids never needed anything to make them feel secure.

Kids that have security blankets or toys are very insecure do to parental separation or one of the parents is gone a lot. I was so glad to see that I hadn’t raised insecure kids, at least I did something right. My kids will thank me one day for raising them the way I did and yes I made a lot of errors but I did a lot right as well.

When This Woman Loves A Man

I am sure most women will frown when they read what I have to write but I was raised by a southern grandmother that fed a huge family. Everyone came over for sunday dinner, my grandmother would go ring a chickens neck, chop of it’s head and hang it from the side of our swing set to bleed out.

Then she would heat up a huge vat of hot water over a fire, she didn’t do one chicken she did a lot of chickens. She would put them in the boiling water which helped with the removal of the feathers. My aunts and uncle and their kids would come over and then there were my great aunt and great uncles.

My family is twisted, no two ways about it-my uncle fell in love with this girl and he went to war, well his brother fell in love with her and they got married. My other uncle came back from the war and the three of them lived together until my one great uncle died after like thirty years of marriage to this woman.

As soon as my uncle died, my other uncle married his original great love and they lived happily until she got cancer and died. You see that is what a great love is, he loved her so much he waited for even though his own brother was married to her. Hey, I don’t know maybe he was doing her when his brother was at work, don’t have a clue.

Any,  I love to cook and bake and I really enjoy taking care of a man. Bathing him, massaging him, feeding him, taking care of him, arousing him and sexually satisfying him. I prefer a man run the house and take care of all the bullshit and I cook and take care of the satisfaction part.

Of Me

I know this sounds strange but he is part of me, somehow someway he became part of who I am and he has helped shape me as a person. God has his ways of protecting each and everyone of us and I believe “he” has been sent to protect me.

Foolish thinking? Maybe and then maybe not, maybe a strong belief in goodness versus evil lies within me and “he” is the protector of my soul and the maker of my future. Do I love him, absolutely, unquestionably but the real question is “am I in love?”

Not so sure about that one and I probably am not but I do love him for who he has become in my life and how he has taught me so much, shaped my world and colored my dreams. He laughs at my naivety but he also knows that the innocence that is within me is rare and even I know that.

I have deliberately made him angry and jealous so he would know if he had feelings for me or not and if he didn’t he wouldn’t have felt neither emotion. He is very intelligent but he has met his match with me in slightly a different way than in most women.

I guess he can’t figure out why money doesn’t move me, how I can forgive, how I think of others the way I do and always put myself last, as most women do. When you’re young and you have money rolling in you spend like crazy, have a family, build a life and then start regretting all of it.

You realize you were to young for marriage, to naive to be left on your own and your hormones took over and you spent to many a night with a different woman. In time your marriage becomes functional, the kids grow up and you get divorced.

Then you realize life is lonely and you start the search for your life long mate and if you are lucky you end up with a relationship like we have. It may go no further, who knows but I am living day by day to see where we do go if anywhere.

We may just find there is nothing there but I already know that is a lie because I love this man for who he is within himself and that is the only man I ever want to know and love that way. He is special to me for he has been by my side from a distance for a very long time and I have leaned heavily on his shoulder at times.