Mwah Mercury Direct

I filed a police report several weeks ago regarding all of the items stolen by that jerk. Well, the other day Ryan found his laptop in James book bag and some other items. I called the police and filed another report but covered James butt, this kid has nothing and I mean nothing.

The detective called me just now and he wants James to give a statement and needs the receipt of the purchase of the laptop. I buy most things from best buy and they always keep records so I do not have to. The detective will hand over the receipt with the list to the prosecutor and Brandin will be arrested on a felony charge.


Mercury going direct is a great thing because things come to light, we find lost items and information needed comes to light. I go to court Wed. for my felony charge and I will finally have all my legal problems behind me. Now is the time for me to final get what is mine and the next two years will produce those results.

By the end of the month I expect that jerk that ripped me off on a website will cough up every dime, which will make life so much easier for me. Brandin will get nailed for stealing from me and the police dept that charged me with a felony will be facing a lawsuit. By the end of 2015 things will be finally coming up all roses.



The Can’ts Have It

When you ask someone to help you and they say they cant what they are really saying is they won’t. When someone says they love you and can’t wait to be with you, what they are saying is I won’t be with you at this time. People confuse can’t with won’t and they fool themselves into believing things they shouldn’t.

I cannot remember the last time I said I can’t and I cannot remember the last time I said I won’t either. I am sucker with a “C” lol, I am such a feelings on the sleeve type of individual and I am easily taken advantage of. I have a situation that I am not sure what to do about. 

James, James my boy had Ryan’s laptop in his back pack along with a gameboy and a cell phone. Now I feel compelled to kick him out but then he would   be in a very bad way. He’s a good kid but Brandin has rubbed off on him. I think now that he knows we are watching he won’t be so likely to steal from us.

I called the police and told them James gave me the computer when in fact Ryan went in his book bag and found the items. The police took the laptop as evidence so I think they are finally going to do something about this. I look at it this way, James knows we are watching and James knows I have been really good to him.

I’m going to have to tell him if this happens again he is out of here. I want to help him but if he steals from me one more time he has got to go. I have enough problems with my own kids without having to watch out for one more. My kids take my things all the time, especially Ryan and they lie about it.


King Me

I finally got the boys to take the queen size mattress up to James room and put my bed together. I love a king size mattress and I got a real firm mattress this time. I put on the new mattress pad and clean sheets and then I went and stood under the shower and then decided to take a bath.

I enjoyed a bath and when I was through I dried off and walked naked with dripping wet hair to the side of my bed. I sat there for a moment and thought what great pictures I could be taking. I thought of him touching me and I laid back on the bed with my legs spread and dangling over the side of the bed.

I cannot close my eyes in bed and not think of him and all I could think of was him standing between my knees and bending over to kiss my breasts. I positioned myself in the center of my bed and laid there naked and uncovered and enjoying the feeling of downy sheets under my ass.

I grabbed the comforter and covered myself as I was getting cold and I thought of us lying in a spoon position and just relaxing. We were talking softly and he began to stroke my nipple which excited me. We made love slowly and passionately which was so romantic and exciting.

Then of course my fantasy was shattered by Ryan wanting me to make him Tres Leche, that kid and that cake are making me crazy. He doesn’t want to help around here why should I do anything for him? 

The Empty Chair

I was so hoping to have a nice dinner with my kids and James but Ryan didn’t take his meds last night and I saw them today and he took them before I could stop him. Of course he passed out because he has pills for sleeping and so as it goes he fell asleep on the couch and Shelby, James and I had dinner.

The fourth chair sat empty and I avoided looking at that chair because I didn’t want to think about Bob but it was a distraction none the less. This is the second Thanksgiving without Bob and that is a good thing because the second holidays without your spouse is kind of  a landmark for healing.

The first holidays are always the roughest and the second ones you seem to “remember when” and for me it has been easier than the first one for sure. These are mile stones I need before I can move on completely and I am glad I am not in a serious relationship because these are things I need to do myself and for myself.

No one can ever feel what you feel or think what you think and that is exactly why this is my “healing time”. I have to heal myself before I can let myself get seriously involved with anyone. Once I get past this year and the kids birthdays there will only be Bob’s birthday, Shelby’s graduation and our anniversary.

Once I am past those occasions then I will feel much better about getting seriously involved. I would like to meet someone and have a long distant relationship because I would like to know someone slowly. A long distant relationship would give me time to adjust to someone in my life and give both of us a chance to get to know each other while we continued to work on our own lives.

I want to have a lasting relationship and I think working on one slowly gives both people breathing room and not feel pressured. I am not one that is happy to skip down the aisle anytime soon if ever again. I would like to have an open relationship for a while until both of us feel we want to be exclusive.

Inside Of Her

You caress her and kiss her, you touch her all over and then you enter her but she is not me in any way shape or form. She doesn’t have what I have and you cannot fantasize about me when you are inside of her. You think you are in love with her? Fine have at it but we both know I am always in your mind, dreams and constantly in your thoughts.

You follow me through the internet wondering what I am really doing and whom I am with, you will never know if I am caressing his head as he lies between my thighs or if I am alone. I will not discuss personal information of that nature here and now or never.

You two are so happy together then why do you read my every word? Follow my twitter and fb? Why do you care what is going on in my life? Do you enjoy reading the trials and tribulations of my life as if I were a good novel? Do you get off on knowing that someone loves you beyond the word love and would do whatever to help you and make you happy?

Are you so self-centered that you get rock hard reading how much I love you and care for you? I am not one of your groupies and have no interest in your title or fame as you damn well know. You have no idea the feel of my arms, the sensual kisses I give and the way I can touch a man’s body that makes him shiver with delight.

You have no idea what my love is capable of doing to your world and you lie with her trying to fill the void that I fill but she never will. She will never be more than she is and you say you love her but not in love with her, it’s quite possible to love and not be in love and that is what you are, from what I gather.

You have fucked so many woman and that is all you have done is fuck, you have no real concept of what sensual love is because if you did you wouldn’t be with her.  I will admit you are my great love but no man will ever be my entire world, not even you.

You two can go out and have a good time but the first chance you get you are reading my fb and my blog, so where is your heart? Do you even know? Do you even know what you really want  of life or are you moving so fast all you can think about is the next country you must travel to?

Am I jealous? Envious? Hell no because she hasn’t gotten the best of you, just tidbits of a famous life that is but a memory. She has no idea who you really are and what really moves you, she can never know because you never will let her know.

I am not waiting for you as my life has it’s own agenda which doesn’t include you any longer. I am moving on and James is helping me. He is a wonderful person, so helpful, kind, loving and he is there when you are not. You haven’t even taken the time to call me to see how my son is.

James drove me to Detroit last night to sign Ryan into another hospital and he was kind enough to listen to me as I ranted, cried and felt so loss and hopeless. He hugged me like I haven’t been hugged in so many years and it felt good, comforting and he cares, where you do not.

It’s fine as I do not rely on you as you are not reliable or care enough to want to be with me in my time of deep need. There once was an open spot next to me in my bed for you but no longer as I have moved on even though you are my greatest love.