I am so glad Ron came by and put up the doors for me it’s nice to have privacy and I can shut the world out if need be. I can lock up the knives and meds when Ry comes home. He called yesterday and was much nicer to me so the meds are finally working, he was so pissed but has calmed down.

I cannot imagine how he feels at his age and all that he is going through. I have no doubt a lot of this has to do with Bob and I am sure myself as well. It’s so hard to see my son go through so much at his age and I can do nothing to help him but love him. He says he doesn’t believe in God and I rightly cannot blame him.

So much has gone wrong in the last four and 1/2 years and the kids have been put through so much. I think he still believes in God but is angry at him for so much pain he has been through. I wish I could just hug away his pain and fears but it’s not that easy and being a mother makes it so hard because I cannot rescue him.