Turning Tables

He is gone, the wind he whistles to me in hopes that I can hear him. He is turning tables on me now, He has left me empty handed and praying to the Lord for help and guidance. He just left, no good byes, no see ya laters, no anything as he just walked out the door leaving his body behind.

His soul flew high and he is soaring high without me and he doesn’t need me any longer but someone else does, I am sure. Every year he was here giving me unwanted presents at xmas and now that I want those household items he isn’t here to give them. Everytime I see a front load washer and dryer I think of him.

Is it stupid? Is it a bit narcissistic? Is it about being confused and uncertain? He watches and laughs as he knows I will find my way somehow and he knows he is tripping me up. He always wanted to trip me up and now he is and he no longer has me chasing pavement, he is gone, his spirit is above.

It’s hard to be without my husband at times and I miss him because I wanted to keep him alive and I tried with every ounce of who I am. I lost battle and the war and he won as he looks down and says “See, I knew you would miss me”. He haunts me and he touches my shoulder as I cry and he says ” honey, I left so the one that should be with you will be with you, don’t give up hope on your dreams because he will come to you and make you so happy”.

I have accepted the fact that my husband did fall for me and loved me. He couldn’t let go of the best thing that ever happened to him. Those are his words not mine, I was a damn good wife and I am a damn good mother regardless of my present circumstances. My husband wants me to move on and let in the love I want so desperately.

He gave me a life pass to search and find myself and the love that should be in my life. He is a kind loving man and he supports me and has let me go long ago. It has always felt like he was there judging me, condemning me, criticising me, when the fact is he only supported me all along.