The Beach Boys were very popular when I was like 5 or 6 and Christmas just wasn’t Christmas without this song. 

We were living with my grandparents on their farm and Christmas morning was always so exciting, as it should be for kids. My grandparents pinned our stockings to the back of the couch because we had no fireplace. They would be filled with walnuts, apples and oranges so of course we never bothered with them, lol.

I can remember listening to Little St. Nick in my nightgown watching the snow fall and opening presents. Christmas was as it should be, fun, exciting and filled with love and laughter. It’s been many years since I have felt that way about Christmas and I do not know if I will ever feel that way again.

Holidays are for families and I have spent several holidays all by myself with a microwave dinner and tv. It’s a lonely place to be by yourself on a holiday and it makes you really appreciate your loved ones. I would so love to spend a holiday with someone who loved me for me but that has yet to happen, minus my children of course.

Christmas Reality


As a young girl I remember a movie about xmas that I have seen only once but I still remember it. I was about eight years old and it there was a blizzard outside. I was holed up in my night-gown drinking hot chocolate, the kind you made on the stove.

The story was about a boy about my age who lived in the ghetto’s of New York and his family had no money for Christmas. This little boy found this cat and fell in love with it and the corner store owner ended up giving this little boy tuna fish to feed his cat.

That’s all I can remember about the story but it has stuck with me all these years. The kindness of one can make another’s world so bright and gay. It would be nice if people didn’t wait for the holidays to do good things for others but I will take whatever is offered in this world at this time.

I wish I could remember the name of that movie because I would so like to watch it again. There are some movies that have such an impact on us we never forget them. This movie is a real eye opener to the kindness of man and to see it again would be so delightful.

Love Of Oldie

Love used to be special, it used to be flowers and cards and letters. Love used to be a 6 oz. coke a cola and a stolen kiss in the driveway. Love used to be sweet and innocent, love was holding hands and doing homework together. Love used to be what all of us wanted but love has changed.

Love is now about how famous you are or how much money you have. Love today is who can I be seen with and how much jewelry one can collect. Love is presents which is nothing more than buying the person’s love. The more you give the more you lose sight of your love and more of ownership and commitment.

In the dream world that I live love is the scent of flowers and bumble bees, love is the warmth on my face and my hand in his, love is the sharing a piece of cheese cake, love is fun, love is simple and love is unique. I want the innocence of love once again and I want the purity of the heart.

Fault Is Mine

I have some faults that I really need to get rid of:

I smoke

I love to swear and saying fuck is my favorite word

I like to get greasy and dirty

I like to smell like horse

I like bubble baths

I like clean sheets and feather pillows

I like naughty men

I like kinky sex

I like romance

I like kissing alot

I like making people laugh

I like helping others

I like being right, lol

I like you and you and you too

And this post took on a life of it’s own

Heart A Stabbing

I feel so bad that I have walked away from my son and it is like my heart is constantly being stabbed. He thinks I am a lousy parent one minute and the next we get along so well. I have to turn my back on him because it is for his best and you may wonder how.  I am not a dr. and I have no answers so it’s best those that do step in.

The cops keep coming to my door and the phone keeps ringing and I refuse to answer either because as soon as I do they are going to want me to step up as the parent and I cannot. Touch love is the hardest love any parent can give their child and it rips away at you as you are torn between wanting to hold them and walking away.

I have put my life out there for others to learn from and hopefully learn not to be so critical of others because you do not know their pain. People that supposedly love us are nowhere to be seen and we have to save ourselves or go down and I will never go down no matter what.

Where Is The Romance

Why is it people are so romantic until they get you then some of them stop being romantic? Forget the candy, flowers, nice gifts as that has all gone out the window. The homemade dinners stop, but you didn’t know they weren’t homemade to begin with, lol.

Yes there are women that cannot cook, never could cook and never will. They run to the local deli or grocery, buy the pre made and put it in bowls like they made it. It’s called to impress but does it really? Why play games and lie? Why not just be yourself and call it a day?

Romance is something I thrive on, the nice dinners are made from scratch, the bath is already waiting for him and a glass of wine is perfect temperature to enjoy the bouquet. Men like to be romanced as well as women but sometimes women think they are the only ones that should be romanced.

Relationships are hard enough without being stupid and trying to pretend you are someone you will never be. What impresses most people? Honesty does and if you can’t cook, all I can say is you need to learn.

Romancing a man includes nice lingerie, good music and lots of talking dirty. Men love to be talked dirty to in the bedroom, kitchen or even garage. You talk dirty to a man and he gets so turned on, so remember romance isn’t just for the women.


The Silly In Me

Have you ever been in a restaurant with someone and the conversation went flat? Neither of you speaking but looking out the window or at the other patrons? I think this has happened to all of us at one time or another, these are the moments I absolutely love because that is when I do really stupid shit.

I have been known to pick up the paper napkin and tear a whole in the center of it and stick my tongue through it at the person I am with. I do not care if I know them or not it breaks up the dead silence and both of us ended up laughing. That is the kind of silly that is harmless and fun.

Being silly keeps us young at heart and adventurous and it’s just plain fun, sometimes reality is much better than to have to be drunk or high to enjoy it. I am silly and love being that way and I do hope you enjoy my knock off pic of the adams family, it, remember it? Ok so I don’t look as good as him, o fuck yourself I look better, lol.

First Love

Do you remember your first love? I bet you do and I bet some of you fools even married your first true love only to get divorced years and kids later. I remember my first true love, his name was Tony Giannola now if that isn’t Italian I don’t know what is, he had blackish brown hair, brown eyes and he was tall.

He used to put his leather jacket around my shoulders when I got cold, he was so damn romantic to, such an Aquarius in so many ways. We would sneak to see each other because I wasn’t allowed to date, like ever and we would walk in the rain holding hands, jumping into puddles spraying each other and making out under a tree to get shelter from the rain.

I sit here with a smile on my face remembering those days and how crazy, silly, in love I was with him. True to form of a male I caught him banging my best friend. Dumb bitch let her foot be scene from under the bed and I dragged her out and beat the shit out of her and slapped him a couple dozen of times and walked out.

I have loved only twice in my life, my first love and recently my last love, not my husband, o no we didn’t love reach other we just pro-created together. I fell in love with a man who I cannot describe to you because he is one of a kind, I’m not saying that’s good and I’m not saying that’s bad. All I can say is I will never love another man the way I love him, there I said it, feel better now, sweetie?

To Love Me

I will tell you square away I am a bitch on wheels because life has made me that way. If you want to love me you better eat your post toasties, cheerios and wheaties to keep up with me sexually. You must like to laugh and be silly, letting the child within out.

You must like romance and hand holding, kissing in the rain, and making snow angels. You must like the earth and camping, traveling, humanitarianism, spiritual helps, enjoy reading, computers, always learning, and being daring.

You must be sensual and erotic, methodical and passionate, you must be flexible and not demanding on my time as I would not demand your time. I want a relationship where we do our own thing when apart and when together enjoy the hell out of each other.

If I am with you, there is no one else and I expect the same from you. I expect you to be a passionate kisser and love maker, a man who can please me at every turn. A man who knows the worth of this lady and respects her for it.