Want It

When you have feelings for someone it always feels so good to tell them or show them. I have feelings for two men now and I really do not know which one to choose. The one that is doing flips for me is making me very happy and the one that I am not sure how he really feels is always on my mind.

So what do I do? I do nothing because when I can’t choose I think about it for a few days then make my final decision. The one that is long distance show me nothing but games so that is his first strike. I can afford not to settle for less than I deserve because I am seeing people for who they really are.

I am eliminating the old and useless and opening the door for new and useful. It doesn’t matter what your feelings are for someone else because you have to put yourself first no matter what. Nobody is going to come and take care of me and I know that so I put myself first for a change.

I have finally built a suit of armor for myself and I am not so easily pushed over. I have reached my “fed up” point. I am fed up with people trying to railroad me and use me, I am fed up with the games and lies and I am fed up with being ripped off. I am taking back what is mine and walking away from people and things I no longer want.

Panic Over Seas

Long distance relationships can put a lot of pressure on you if you let them but they need not be stressful at all if you look at the relationship logically. The first thing you have to take into consideration is any children of either party and then you have to consider family.

I do not have to worry about family because they are all have passed and it’s me and my children. I do not want anyone to move to the states to be with me because they do not have to. If their work is overseas then it is best to live overseas for the most part and then one has to look at the taxes.

I wouldn’t want him to move here because I don’t want to live here, lol. I am moving after Ryan graduates and I want to live over seas somewhere or another country and I am leaning towards latino countries because of personal believes. I think it is best that we take this real slow and get to know each other.

Sometimes people panic and say things to keep the person in their life but they should be careful of their promises and statements. There is no reason we can’t spend time together on the weekends or when he is alone and when a little one is visiting, I do not or he doesn’t visit me.

I am not one to want to bring children into a relationship for quite some time because  the scares  kids have are deep already and I am not one to want to rattle anyone’s cage. Children get very protective of their opposite parent and I know my son is very protective of me.

The thing about kids is they tell everything and there are no secrets. When I was separated I tried to drive into the kids that my life was mine and do not go back to dad and tell him what I am doing, it is none of his business. Don’t you know they couldn’t wait to tell him every little thing I did.

I know there will be problems if things work out and the x always has their two cents to put into the jar. I have no interest in being a problem for anyone and I definitely do not deal with x wives. I didn’t know her before and I do not know what happened in their relationship nor do I care to want to really know.

I think if we can make it through the first six months then we are doing well enough to go to the next level if things are working for everyone involved. I am a giver and I will do what ever needs to be done to make my relationships happy for everyone.

I do not ever expect to be put before kids unless they are adults then that is a completely different situation. I know how important a child/father/mother relationship is and our children are only children once and how we act shapes their world. We have to always be mindful of our kids and if we are things will work out beautifully.

I can live anywhere and I can go long periods without seeing someone if we keep in contact by phone or computer and I also see a huge changing coming into his life which is employment related, how he brings in money will change drastically and he will do very well for himself.

I do not want him to support me or my children and the nicest gift he could ever give me is a house keeper for a month, lol. My back is so bad that it hurts so much to bend and pick up around the house. I want us both to feel that we have our freedom but we are also one and I know both of us will have to make sacrifices, but it’s one day at a time, baby.

Ok You Win

Some people treat love as if it is a win or lose game and it has nothing to do with winning or losing. Some people like to say they won an argument and it makes them feel superior. Relationships are about give and take, understanding and feeling secure, there is nothing worse than a relationship where one is insecure.

You must be able to trust your partner and accept how they live their life and they must respect the same in you. I think long distance relationships can work if the two have trust and some of us cannot help but trust another. I know quite a bit about trust and it is amazing how someone can really let you down and we still have trust in them.

If you are in my life then I trust you  because I have a very small social circle because I do not trust many people and I am quite happy in that area of my life. I look at relationships in an open light because if you cheat on me keep going because if you were happy with me to begin with you wouldn’t be looking elsewhere.

I want people to be happy because life is so much easier when you are happy. I am not happy but I am not terribly unhappy since I got Khloe. I rescued her from the pound and I am not a cat person but she is easy to care for, I will be picking up my yorkie boys this morning and I am happy when I think about those two little shits.

I am happy with my pets more so than most people because I am hope all day and I play with them so much. I should be focusing on “C” but sometimes you meet someone and you have such a friendship connection that sex isn’t thought about. I think that is where “C and I are.

What I was mistaking as “C” falling in love with me I think is actually this awesome friendship like I haven’t had in a real long time. Some people may think it is weird that we can lie naked together and he could bathe me and there is no sex involved. We just click on a different level I think.

I think we both like kissing and lieing together naked and it is like something both of us need, nor more no less. If you know me than you can understand that me being naked most of the time at home is a way of life for me. Yes, I grab a robe now when someone knocks at the door.

Once you are used to someone who is naked most of the time what others would think is terrible is common place with them. I do not walk around naked in front of strangers or my friends because that would make them feel uncomfortable. Being naked is such a free feeling as free as someone feels jumping out of a plane and hearing complete silence except for the wind.