Party Not

I could be out having a great time tonight but my daughter is home for the weekend and it’s a way for her to transition back into the family. The guy I have started to date is a bit peeved that I set him aside for my daughter who will be 18 in January. He’s a heck of a nice guy but hey my kids come first in my life.

He is choking on this and it bothers him but I told him my kids are all I have and I am all they have and do not try to come before them because it will never happen. My kids don’t have the luxury of having family alive and I am the one they too for  everything.

He is beginning to assume he will see or talk to me every day and that is bugging me, he is moving to fast and showing signs of cracking where my kids are involved. I have no respect for anyone that puts someone they are dating before their kids, our kids were our choice and they should always be paramount in our lives.

I like spending time with my kids and Shelby is tutoring tonight and will be home soon. I enjoy my kids and I really am enjoying watching my daughter turn into a woman. I am so proud of her and can see her doing very well for herself and that is something to be proud of.

Ryan is doing better but he has lost a good friend at school, she no longer will have anything to do with him since his suicide attempt. It has to be so hard for him and he has asked to go to counseling twice a week and of course I have agreed. My kids have issues because of my husband and myself and not to let them work that out is a crime.

 

Clowns

 

 

 

 

Sadness crosses my

Face

When I think of

You

I should be with 

You

And we should be

Living

We are one 

This is true

You may not know it

Now

But you sure will

Soon

We are meant for each

Other

There is no longer

Denying

So shut the fuck 

Up

And sit right 

Down

And let’s be

Silly

And let’s be

Clowns.

Planning

We spend our lives planning, from the time we are born we plan as that is how the brain works and it’s one of many purposes. We plan our futures and some plan them at a very early age, myself I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up.

Life can be pretty serious business at times but I think people have gotten way to serious, to stressed and to overworked. People in the States tend not to be the friendliest except Midwesterners and even they have become indifferent to others.

I am convinced that I am not of the attitude of most people today as I was raised in the sixties and still think that way. I believe in opening doors, saying thank you and you’re welcome, helping others, believing in God and home cooking.

By today’s standards I am a Neanderthal and I really do not mind as I have strong moral fiber as well as beliefs. I am learning to enjoy life again and I am basically happy as well as content and I feel good about myself and who I am.

I have learned not to put to much energy into planning my days or my future as I already know where I am headed without laying down the plans. Most have such little faith in God and they do not believe in angels either.

I believe in angels and God and I do have angel that watches over me, he is always there in the corner of the room or on my shoulder and yes, he does whisper into my ear. He has been with me since about November of last year.

Yes, I know you think the bipolar is rearing again don’t you? Well, it is not I can assure you of that and I do not mind admitting that I have an angel. My angel is always looking out for me and guiding me and he knows how hard life has been for me.

My angel has kept me from making any concrete plans until quite recently, as recently as today I have finally made a concrete committment to visit NY. I booked my flight so now I am committed and looking forward to getting away from it all.

It’s going to be nice to wake up without any demands placed on me and just go through the day letting it unfold before me. I am opening up like the bud of a flower and letting the good come into my life finally and I am looking forward to this vacation.