Have It

I try to fool myself into thinking that I have it together but the truth is I am so fucking scattered I do not know which direction to go any longer. If it isn’t one tragedy it’s another, it’s as if there is a black cloud over my head and I cannot lose it. I hate to say this, hell no I don’t I am looking forward to my son graduating and going off to college.

These kids have put me through hell and so has my family as they chose to drop like flys the last six years. I already know the next several years are going to be a bitch as Saturn is in my sign and sign is a teaching planet. When saturn affects you shit always goes bad so you can learn from it, aren’t I the lucky one.

It’s ok because I am getting prepared for my new life without my kids and frankly I am looking forward to it. I am a good mom but I can tell you to do over again, nope – I don’t like kids that much. I get along with them good but they are so emotionally draining I am worn out. I haven’t had any time to myself to process my husband’s or father’s deaths and I really need a break.

I’m thinking about taking a little vacation maybe Thanksgiving, it all depends on what is going on with Ry. What I would give for a week on a sandy beach and peace and quiet. What I would give for a nice bottle of wine and holding hands with someone in the evening breeze.