The Can’ts Have It

When you ask someone to help you and they say they cant what they are really saying is they won’t. When someone says they love you and can’t wait to be with you, what they are saying is I won’t be with you at this time. People confuse can’t with won’t and they fool themselves into believing things they shouldn’t.

I cannot remember the last time I said I can’t and I cannot remember the last time I said I won’t either. I am sucker with a “C” lol, I am such a feelings on the sleeve type of individual and I am easily taken advantage of. I have a situation that I am not sure what to do about. 

James, James my boy had Ryan’s laptop in his back pack along with a gameboy and a cell phone. Now I feel compelled to kick him out but then he would   be in a very bad way. He’s a good kid but Brandin has rubbed off on him. I think now that he knows we are watching he won’t be so likely to steal from us.

I called the police and told them James gave me the computer when in fact Ryan went in his book bag and found the items. The police took the laptop as evidence so I think they are finally going to do something about this. I look at it this way, James knows we are watching and James knows I have been really good to him.

I’m going to have to tell him if this happens again he is out of here. I want to help him but if he steals from me one more time he has got to go. I have enough problems with my own kids without having to watch out for one more. My kids take my things all the time, especially Ryan and they lie about it.


Who Is He?

He is a very, compassionate young man of 17, he has no parents and lives with a step father and his wife. He is a great kid and has come to be a very good friend to me. He helps me with anything I need and he listens to me, he is not a young man of 17 intellectually and his compassion is incomparable.

He sat he with me the last few nights and hugged me while I broke down, it wasn’t sexual or sensual-it was one person comforting another-he made me something to eat, has cleaned up for me and ran errands. We are not lovers, not even close-in more like I have another son.

I do not know what I would have done without James, honestly I believe he has saved my life in many ways. I am helping him as much as I can and he is helping me tenfold. So if you think we have a sexual relationship-turn around and do not even go there and even though I am dealing with a bad situation, I try to focus on something else for a while and I write.

You fool, I will write of you, us, my fantasies and that isn’t going to change, so get a fucking grip, quit trying to make me jealous and hurt me because it isn’t going to work. I wish you all the happiness in the world what more could you possibly ask for? You are the master of your mind and if you let it wonder, it will take you into places you shouldn’t even go.