As People

As people we are an odd bunch with odd ways and yes we are a very complex species, as long as you do not single out certain people, yes we are a very complex species indeed. I find it terribly funny that some people thrive on being sneaky.

Yes, there are those that love to by a mystery and love to keep mystery going for a very long time. People enjoy a good mystery, that’s if you stay away from the those ignorant souls that find reading and living to boring to endure.

As for myself I hate to break the news to you but I am probably the funniest, craziest person that enjoys reading and solving a good mystery. It took me several years, literally several years to unravel a mystery and I  am not sure that I have unraveled it as of yet.

One should never be to sure of themselves as that can blow up in your face so easily and I am not sure of myself as far as this situation goes. I honestly am so damn scared I’m almost well I won’t tell you what but ya I am scared.

I am actually feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety that is making my heart race and I’m close to grabbing the bottle of xanax to calm my nerves. The last time I took xanax is when my husband died last year and I lived on xanax as I was a mess.

I have been fortunate enough to have someone behind the scenes watching over me and listening to me when I was so messed up. I have gone through all the stages of grief and the hardest one for me was anger, I had a lot of anger and was entitled to every bit of it and more.

People that go through a divorce deal with the same emotions, the only difference is their spouse didn’t die but the relationship did and that is tough on anyone. I hope this is a trip that changes my life for the better, for happier times, more romantic times.



Have You Ever

Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by mystery and intrigue? Have you ever felt like someone was putting on a surprise party for you but there was no special occasion?

I have felt that way for the last couple of days, yes like there is a surprise party in the works but I know there is none. Why I feel like I am surrounded my intrigue is another thing I cannot explain.

It’s as if the joke is on me and someone has been pulling my strings all along. This is exactly why I am getting away. I am losing touch and my thinking is going way out in left field.

I guess it’s good to fantasize now and then but emotionally I prefer to keep control of those emotional moments. I could so easily fall apart and I have no plans of letting that happen.

My biggest fear is that I will fall seriously in love and then never see him again. That is the type of luck I have and it would destroy me if that happened. I hope I do meet someone and maybe just maybe we can work it out.

That’s one thing about me I am flexible and always willing to go the extra mile to make something work. I am not a controlling greedy person and I find it beneficial for two people to work out what works best for them.

I think this trip is going to be holding something quite unique for me. I feel like this is a turning point and I have no idea why, it’s some big mystery but one delightful mystery at that.