It’s the end of the season and the kids and I went to the rv as it is time to close up soon, so we took the seventy mile drive and did a few things and came home. I really love it there as I look across the “road” to an empty field
The clover sways in the breeze and the other assorted weeds and flowers color the field of pink and purples. The blue birds dot the sky and the clouds take on shapes of animals, it was a lovely day and I know it was hard for the kids.
I just realized I am going on vacation the date of Bob’s sixteen month passing and I will not think of it again as I am working to hard to move on and I will not let myself fall back. The kids where melancholy at the rv and they mentioned their dad a lot.
The things they did together, or so they remember and I let them have all the fond memories they want as it does give them some comfort. I enjoyed the break and being with the kids is always a grin but I like to see them be nice to each other and they were.
I’m really looking forward to getting away and just relaxing because I sure need it and I am so looking forward to having no pressure, just good times and laughs. I must admit I am nervous to finally spend time with a man but I am so ready for it.
As far as a committment or anything like that well you have to play it by ear and just let things flow and see how things go. I have no doubt we will have fun because I like him, I like talking to him he has an “air” about him he is subtle, there’s a quiet within him and I like that.
He is self assured but no overly confident, in fact quite the opposite he goes after what he wants and he really expects to get what he wants and he does, but me well I am a puzzle to him and I have no clue why. I don’t know what he wants to know but hey I’m not that hard to figure out, or am I?
Of course, I am a contradiction of emotions and thoughts, I mean really what did you expect me to say? That I make perfect sense all the time? Not likely, hell I confuse myself regularly and yes I am a stupid shit but I laugh at myself when most can’t.
I want to experience NY with a looseness, no confines, restrictions or demands, I want to just be, enjoy life, the days and nights.I will enjoy my company and that goes without saying, he’s just a nice guy what else can I say.
I feel safe when I am chatting with him which is so odd but he makes me feel “quiet” inside and that is good, very good for me. I can play lazy so damn well that I cannot wait to get on that plane and escape from this dead town.
I really want companionship so bad and actually having an intelligent conversation with an adult, well hell what do you call that anyway? When someone you have a conversation with really grabs your attention and keeps it? I don’t know but that is what happens when we chat.
I was going to meet someone else but things didn’t feel right so I blew that one off and lucky for me I just got contacted by my friend. We have been planning to