“C” Ab

I think a muscular body is so hot on a guy and thighs and calves really get me going. I also like that little spot where the thigh meets the butt, ohh  la la and then there is the six pack that makes me just want to do bad things. “C” has an awesome chest and he is so sexy but I can’t seem to do anything but friendly gestures.

I like his chest and the feel of it on my face and him running his hand through my hair as we are chatting. It’s so natural yet so odd at the same time. I am guilty of doing the most insulting thing that you can do to anyone without them knowing it, I think of someone else which I hate doing.

 

I find myself fantasizing about “him” which isn’t fair to “C” but I cannot help it. I fantasize that I am with “him” but I cannot have sex with “C” because if I do, I would feel “soiled” if “him” and I ever met. I know that is stupid but I am the way I am and I have morals and ethics I just cannot throw away.

Us Anew

“C” and I had a good talk today and we cleared the air and I explained how I feel about letting him know about my current set of problems. I have told him how bad things have been and I told him about the other “him”.

He has been so supportive and he would really like the other “him” to go away and let him try to make life fun for me again. He knows I was scammed and that the scammer still contacts me regularly and he wants me to close my facebook, which isn’t a bad idea.

I like my fb but if I have to close it to get him out of my life then I guess I have to close it. It’s not like I have real friends on there, I have one and he is an old boyfriend from high school. His wife died of cancer and with Bob dieing of cancer as well, we have a common bond.

I like “C” a lot and he is so damn handsome with that long dark hair and those eyes, those damn eyes are gorgeous and I think it’s time to get physically close. I just need that touch from another body and I do not mean sex.

I like being naked and feeling skin on skin and yes I want to have sex with him and I have no reason not to now do I? I believe it’s time to let a man in my life and my body and I am so attracted to him that holding back is so damn hard.

I like spooning naked and feeling a man against my tailbone, I enjoy a man’s arm resting on my breasts and I enjoy the smell and feel of a man. I have denied myself this wonderful pleasure for many years but this week that will all change, finally.

I do know that once we have sex there will not be anyone else in my life, not online, not on facebook no where because I cannot be involved totally when there is a distraction. So I am eliminating all distractions and moving forward with this wonderful man.

Myself Lost

I am so completely lost in my own life and have not a clue where I am heading. One would think at my age I would have all the answers and know where I want to go. I do not, I am completely and utterly lost at this point in my life and all the changes keep on happening so I can never adjust.

I would love nothing more than to live on a small farm with my pets away from people. I have found I like my own company more than other people’s. I am so comfortable by myself and in my own home that I have no desire to go anywhere else right now. I love to travel but I just can’t afford it.

I need to get through these next several years and when the kids are gone is when I will make whatever moves are necessary or desirable. I am so glad I am not a woman who needs company or a man to make her complete. I get lonely but I have survived quite nicely without a man.

I will one day find all that I have dreamed for but in the mean time I am just trying to get past the manure pile of my life and dump the unnecessary crap. It is hard work to clean yourself up and dust yourself off and it takes years to shed the old skin and let the new one shine brightly.

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The Door Does Hit You In The Ass

I have been trying to keep you out of my life because all you do is hurt me but you just won’t go. You have a gf knocked her up and posted the pic, wtf is wrong with you? Must you continue to hurt me because you are so damn insecure and assume things without proof to back them up.

Well I dumped your sorry ass off my fb, ya I know there’s another 1499 profiles that are yours-just go the fuck away will you? I don’t need this shit especially right now but you are so damn self centered and narcissistic you have to make things all about you and your damn feelings.

You may your choice and now that’s she is knocked up, well there ya go your new wifey-please just leave me alone, all I have done is love you and help you and all you have done is continuously hurt me. I can tell you as long as you have contact with me and ask me to help you jack off you and her will go nowhere EVER.

Do you love me? NO Do you care? A tad bit-based on that information you have a small amount of caring for me which I would hope you would be man enough to be gone as you know you are destroying me, my son just did that please do not do it as well. Hell, it’s to late it’s a done deal.

Please, leave my life and let me be happy because you do not want any part of my life-