Try Me Please

Tomorrow I head back to court for the felony charge of entering my deceased dad’s home to get documents. Long story and boring but tomorrow should be the beginning of the end. The trial will last for two days my attorney has told me and he asked me what the pictures were of that the prosecutor had.

The pictures were of the documents I needed to settle my dad’s estate and then there was the bag of my dad’s ashes. Doris lied to me about my dad’s ashes, she said he wanted to be buried on the highest mountain and on his farm. This is a lie and there is nothing written in his will about that.

Those ashes belong to me not her and it is very upsetting for me to see them in a picture when I was going to put him to rest. This woman is greedy and a thief, she steals from the elderly and manipulates them into giving her their things and money. The relationship was one of convenience and she wanted my dad to marry her but he refused.

I just want to get this over with because I want to leave the states on a vacation and I need to clear this mess up first and then I am suing the shit out of the cops and Doris. I am fighting for what is my children’s as well as mine and with no family left all I have is family heirlooms.

Panic Over Seas

Long distance relationships can put a lot of pressure on you if you let them but they need not be stressful at all if you look at the relationship logically. The first thing you have to take into consideration is any children of either party and then you have to consider family.

I do not have to worry about family because they are all have passed and it’s me and my children. I do not want anyone to move to the states to be with me because they do not have to. If their work is overseas then it is best to live overseas for the most part and then one has to look at the taxes.

I wouldn’t want him to move here because I don’t want to live here, lol. I am moving after Ryan graduates and I want to live over seas somewhere or another country and I am leaning towards latino countries because of personal believes. I think it is best that we take this real slow and get to know each other.

Sometimes people panic and say things to keep the person in their life but they should be careful of their promises and statements. There is no reason we can’t spend time together on the weekends or when he is alone and when a little one is visiting, I do not or he doesn’t visit me.

I am not one to want to bring children into a relationship for quite some time because  the scares  kids have are deep already and I am not one to want to rattle anyone’s cage. Children get very protective of their opposite parent and I know my son is very protective of me.

The thing about kids is they tell everything and there are no secrets. When I was separated I tried to drive into the kids that my life was mine and do not go back to dad and tell him what I am doing, it is none of his business. Don’t you know they couldn’t wait to tell him every little thing I did.

I know there will be problems if things work out and the x always has their two cents to put into the jar. I have no interest in being a problem for anyone and I definitely do not deal with x wives. I didn’t know her before and I do not know what happened in their relationship nor do I care to want to really know.

I think if we can make it through the first six months then we are doing well enough to go to the next level if things are working for everyone involved. I am a giver and I will do what ever needs to be done to make my relationships happy for everyone.

I do not ever expect to be put before kids unless they are adults then that is a completely different situation. I know how important a child/father/mother relationship is and our children are only children once and how we act shapes their world. We have to always be mindful of our kids and if we are things will work out beautifully.

I can live anywhere and I can go long periods without seeing someone if we keep in contact by phone or computer and I also see a huge changing coming into his life which is employment related, how he brings in money will change drastically and he will do very well for himself.

I do not want him to support me or my children and the nicest gift he could ever give me is a house keeper for a month, lol. My back is so bad that it hurts so much to bend and pick up around the house. I want us both to feel that we have our freedom but we are also one and I know both of us will have to make sacrifices, but it’s one day at a time, baby.

Jealousy Theory

I have finally figured out what triggers Ryan’s depression and attitude, it’s his sister. Ryan is obviously jealous that I enjoy my daughter’s visits and I want to be part of her life. His entire demeanor changes when she is around and he is mean and very moody. I am glad I go to counseling and will start family counseling again.

Shelby doesn’t like to be around Ryan because he acts this way and there is really no excuse for it. I spend all of my time with Ryan and very little time with Shelby but he still resents her being around. He is constantly comparing himself to her and that is what my husband did to my son.

My husband always made Shelby out to be the greatest kid alive and never made Ryan feel good about himself. I can only do so much and a boy needs positive reinforcement from his dad. I have tried to build up my sons self esteem but I can only do so much and then my hands are tied.

I am hoping this new school makes Ryan feel good and I know he will feel accepted which is a great thing for him. The principal is supposed to be really good with kids that don’t fit in and Ryan is one of those kids. I do not see why he doesn’t fit in but I am not a kid either.

Knowledge Man

Our parents shape who we look for in a mate and when you do not have a parent of the opposite sex around then you have a difficult time finding the person for you. I only had my mother to shape my views and so I ended up in bad relationships and allowed myself to be used, abused and manipulated.

My dad and I started to build our relationship in 2007 and I can tell you I have yet to meet a man that impressed me the way my dad did. My dad was a genius, literally and I learned so much from him that I have yet to meet a man that held my interest like my dad. My dad could make me feel so good about myself when my own husband was tearing me down.

My dad loved food, absolutely loved it and there are certain things that my great grandmother used to make my dad that triggered a positive emotion from him. My great grandmother’s lemon meringue pie was one of those foods. I would make him a pie once in a while and he would tell me how much he liked it.

When he was dying I made some chili and took it to him and he couldn’t get enough of it. My dad’s last meal was my chili and that makes me feel really good as well. I miss my dad but I have someone who reminds me of him an awful lot, which is hard to do. The person I speak about is a “knowledge man” because he seeks out knowledge constantly and he enjoys learning.

He is extremely smart and I am not so sure he doesn’t have a genius IQ as well. He reminds me of my father which is new to me because I know of no one like my dad. This person is so like my dad but even better, he has the capability to show love and affection which my dad could not.

I think he is pretty awesome just as he is and behind closed doors I am sure he is pretty special as well. Behind closed doors he can be himself, he doesn’t have to live up to any ones expectations but his own. He can walk around naked if he so chooses and he can be a total slob but I doubt he is a slob every, messy at times maybe.

This person means the world to me and we have a connection that is of soulmates, I respect him immensely and sometimes he surprises the hell out of me. He is everything I have always wanted in a companion and I am his personal cheerleader without blowing smoke up his arse.

Must The Father

A man loves his children as much as the mother but in a different way and men can and are just as responsible if not more with their children. I do not think either parent should bring a new person around unless they are sure that person is going to be around.

Divorce is very hard on children and they need to adjust even if the parents were separated. It is not easy for any child to see the hurt and anger between their parents and even if you hide it from them, you have hid nothing as they saw the writing on the wall long ago and dreaded it.

When you get involved with someone you need to have a clear understanding of what is expected of each other and their children. I would never get mad if the man I was seeing wanted to be with his kids or had to do something with his children, say if one were to get married I would not feel comfortable attending such an event unless we had been together a long time.

I think if you have been seeing someone on a steady basis for 3-6 months then it is safe to bet you will be together for a while longer. If you have a long distance relationship then you have to base your decision on the time you have spent together, not the time you have communicated on the computer or phone.

To build a relationship two people must spend time together and learn about each other and their likes, dislikes, bad habits, ect. I think we must have a meeting of the minds and mutual respect and the kids play a very important part of my relationship with anyone.

Bypass Child

It is difficult for me to accept the fact that my daughter will be leaving for college before I know it. Yes, she still has to graduate high school but even that is a blink away. Because of circumstances beyond my control my has been living with her boyfriend and I will tell you that goes over like a lead fart with me.

Those that know me are surprised at my reaction regarding my daughter because they never knew I would be so against my daughter living with her bf. Yes, it bothers me because I feel he has too much influence over her and no influence from me at all, and his mother also puts her two cents in as well.

I was very hurt when Shelby was driven to U of D by her bf’s mom and he went along. Those are trips her and I should be taking together and I was really pissed and hurt. I wanted her to come stay at home this week because she is off of school but she didn’t want to and we got into a huge fight.

I thought about it and I have finally accepted the cold hard facts which are she is going to be 18, she is going to do what she wants and she is a brilliant young lady that has lived the last three years in a very difficult place. She is to smart and to pretty for her current bf but for me to keep them from each other is just going to push them closer together.

I am hoping once she starts work and college she will see he needs to grow up quite a bit. I will go on a nut if she spends a dime of her settlement on him instead of school but once again I cannot control that either. I cannot control her at all and I actually do not want to.

I apologized to her and explained to her how hard it was for me not to have her at home and I will be letting her go for good very soon. I had to admit that I wasn’t mad but very hurt and that showing anger was a way to protective myself from further hurt. The honesty on my part has brought us closer together and I can feel us rebuilding our relationship, which is great.

The Child

This child was born at 2:50 pm on January 17, 1995 she is now a young adult who seems not to need her mother, but this is so not true. Children have a connection with their mother’s which is totally different from a relationship with their fathers. A child will forever need their mom and go to her in times of trouble or need.

I have always been totally honest with my children because that’s the way I am and my husband’s health was not good and they watched him leave the house on a gurney way to many times. They never knew if he would live or die and I would tell them the truth when they asked me questions.

Most moms that are having a difficult time with their daughter must remember one thing, children need us always no matter how old they get or how much they think they know. They will always come back to mom and seek out her knowledge, advice or help and you can bank on that.

My daughter and I have been separated since June and I do not see her often but when she needs something she is seeking me out. Just like tomorrow, she wants to come over and have me help her bake something for her pom squad. Moms are priceless and don’t forget it, the place of a mom isn’t always a happy place either.

It’s hard to watch our children fall but we must let them fall and not pick them up, how else will they learn? I hate the thought of watching my children learn hard lessons in a sad way but it must be that way if they are to become the person they are meant to be. It’s a tough job being a mom because you are responsible for everything that happens to your child and they blame you when their life isn’t easy.

I am a mom and a dad and I can tell you I suck at it, I am not a good dad at all and I know it. I try to give my kids what they need but I am unable to do that. I cannot give them their father’s love or do everything for them the way he did, being a dad has to come from a dad and when doesn’t have one it has an impact on a child’s life.

Divorced parents should be responsible and mature enough not to argue and fight and let their children hear them. Keep that shit where it belongs, in your brain not coming out of your mouth. Parents do not realize how divorce has an impact on children and how it can damage them for life.

Believe

You do not trust yourself that is why you do not trust me, you do not believe in yourself and that is why you do not believe in me. I am not you, not remotely and because you lack the faith in yourself you cannot put faith in others. I will not chase you and I will not wait and I do not care what you do any longer.

You hurt me, I hurt you it’s over-you are going to be a new dad and marry so enjoy your life, move on forget me and quit posting shit that is hurting me. I am deleting everyone that posts things that hurt me and that is the way it has to be. You are happy and fulfilled so be on your way, be happy and enjoy what you have for now.

The Drive

My son and I drove seventy miles to our rv and winterized it, turned around and came back home as the thrill was gone by the time we got the sink fixed and the rv buttoned up for the winter. We have such good talks and laughs when it’s just him and I.

Shelby has always been mad that her brother was born and took attention away from her but that seems to be the case with most children without siblings. I have found the only child family to end up with a selfish and self centered child most of the times.

They seem to always get what they want and think they can go through life and expect the same thing. The only child behavior is exactly why I didn’t want just one child. Those of you that are an only child can say I am full of it but look at your life, really look at it.

You tend to like to be competitive because you like to win and like all the attention on yourselves. Fine through rocks at me but ask anyone with multiple children. My son is the most loving child but my daughter has bitch written across her forehead in neon.

Maybe it’s just her age but I do not think so as she has always been very selfish and wanting the best. My daughter is taking all honors classes this year and she is one of those girls that every mother wishes she had and every mother would love to have as a girlfriend for her son.

Both of my kids are very impressive intellectually because they got my dad’s genes. My dad had a “third eye” as he could see things others couldn’t. He was hired by the gov’t to work on a secret project back in the sixties so that tells you he was no slacker.

My dad and I became acquainted five years ago and since we met I tend to have no intestinal fortitude for weak minded men or people in general. My dad was a unique person in so many ways, he made his own silver water for medicinal purposes.

It’s hard to find intelligent men in my neck of the woods so when I do run across one randomly I really enjoy their company. Nice boobs just doesn’t get it for intelligent conversation but some men do not know anything else but sex.

Child To Parent

As we get older we tend to revert to being a child even to the point we must wear diapers. It is not easy for a child to watch their parent revert and even forget who they are. I received a call today from the home my mother is in and the Dr. needed my permission to treat my mother’s mental health issues.

Ask my mother and she will say”fuck you” there is nothing wrong with me but if you look at her history you can clearly see a person with mental set backs. I told the Dr. her history and now he can treat her accordingly because he couldn’t say to much but I told him what he needed to know.

My mother has relied on xanax for years to get her by but it never worked as she needed other meds. I know it sounds terrible for a daughter to refuse to put herself in a situation that could be harmful to her as well as her kids but sorry toxic people cannot be around healing people,

She could very easily destroy me and I will not let that happen and I do not have to let it happen either. You can actually damage someone to the point that they cannot associate with you and there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself from that danger.

Most parents can rely on their children in their old age but how you treat your child as they grow up will come back on you eventually, one way or the other. I took care of both of my grandmother’s and my in-laws but just cannot do it with my own mother.

She is very abusive to the staff at the home and she would be worse with me and I will not allow her to treat me that way any longer. I am learning not to let others treat me poorly as well but that seems to be a bit harder task for me to overcome, but I’m winning the battle.

I have noticed how we are treated as children is the same way we let other’s treat us and that isn’t right, not one bit. I find myself letting others treat me unfairly because I was raised that way. This is a very sad state to be in and can really hurt a lot.

I’m not someone who falls in a bucket of shit and comes out smelling like a rose, no I’m the type that falls in a bucket of shit and ends up smelling like a manure plant. You can’t even by animal manure without it being mixed with human waste, what is wrong with this world?

I am not going to apologize for my stand against my mother as she is being cared for and she has excellent health insurance because she listened to me long ago and signed up for the right insurance add on to medicaid, you have to always cover your butt in this world.