Anger Management

I think some of you can tell I have that female scorpio temper and you are so right! I do not get really pissed often because I let that shit build up inside like the piss on the bottom of the toilet seat, ya guys while you’re drawing your gf’s face in piss in the bottom of the toilet, that shit is splashing.

I do not get pleasure out of hurting anyone but then again they didn’t seem to mind hurting me now did they? I have enough evidence to back up any claims I post and people can run but they can never completely hide. I have records going back four years on a certain individual and he is so full of himself he wanted me to know who he was.

I think that is why he follows my blog, he is waiting for his picture to be posted, mon chere’ your time is coming.

I wasn’t impressed than and I am not impressed now and I admit I fell in love with a non entity for years but I recently woke up and I am cleaning out my closet. Out with the old and non useful to the new and useful and I feel nothing, I am not sad, upset or regret a single decision I have made this month.

Next month will start with a bang as well as I go on trial for a felony, ya going into my deceased dad’s home. Cops are stupid and they are lining my pockets with money from their own ignorance, thank you gentlemen. I have been trying to get this trial over for several months now and December 5th will be the finale.

Once I get on the stand and the probate judge’s statement is read it’s all over with and the prosecutor loses, dumb bitch.

Face Down Naked

I feel like I am being dragged face down naked by a dozen Clydesdale horses, the only thing that just made me smile is the thought of looking up at them dressed in their Anheiser Busch garb, yes I am twisted. I am trying so damn hard to shake the overwhelming sadness my heart feels.

I do not know where my son is and I cannot reach out to find him because if I do I am doing more harm to him as well as myself. How does a parent do that to their child? It’s called using your damn brain instead of your heart to make those tough ass decisions that most parents won’t make.

I can honestly say I hate myself at this very moment but that too shall pass as it is said. I just found the book the five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom and I have never read it, today I begin. This is the first step of loving myself, doing things I want to do that are beneficial and reading and writing are always beneficial.

You may think I am a terrible mother but guess what? I have just dropped my panties and bent over for your lips to plant a big one. My kids didn’t roll out of the womb will a manual and all the experts on child rearing I have to question as well. I wish I were a sponge that could absorb all of my children’s pain but to do so is cheating them out of experiences they need to add to their lessons of life.

 

As It Goes On And On

Today was my trial for the felony charge, I am such a bad girl doing such terrible things like going into my deceased dad’s home looking for legal papers, with a probate document signed by the judge in hand. His roommate of thirty years refused to give me a copy of anything so I didn’t know if any docs even existed.

I will not go into what a piece of shit this pig is or how much I can’t stand the bitch but let’s put it this way, I wouldn’t hesitate to run her over several hundred times for letting my dad suffer the way he did in the end. Anyway, court is such a joke, first the judge is ALWAYS an hour and one half late, then Doris (the roommate) and her four groupies came walking down the hall and I could have sworn I was at the geriatric ladies dildo society.

They all had their hair done for the occasion and it was quite comical as they marched by. My attorney showed me some pictures today that he had just gotten and they show my suitcase filled with the legal documents I needed. Is the prosecution completely blind?

The court couldn’t get another judge to take my case and the one that would wanted me to waive jury trial, as if I have complete IDIOT stamped on my forehead. We ended up setting trial on November 14 and then Scott says it will take two days. It was a bit upsetting seeing the picture that had my dads ashes in a clear plastic bag.

Doris wants to see me burn so bad so she can keep my dad’s entire estate but that isn’t going to happen because I will not let her kids have what my dad worked for his entire life. My kids were his grandkids and they have a future ahead of them hell her kids are my age, get a life.

Before I get to enjoy the show of the 14th of this month I get to celebrate my fifty-third birthday, now aren’t I friggin special? Just another day I crawl up on the couch under a blanket with my jammies on watching pawn stars for the millionth time because Ryan likes the show.

Young Love

Young love is so sweet, so fragile and so deep and my daughter is experiencing this exact thing. She and Leo met in ninth grade. He took her to the prom but she didn’t like him but wanted to go to the prom. Then he asked her out months later and that was the beginning of me losing a part of my daughter.

When your child falls in love, serious love they write you off like a bad check. They have a backup that will pit themselves against you when they are not happy with the way you treat your child. Leo has made some serious errors as a boyfriend by telling me how to raise my daughter.

I have banned him from my home and my daughter is now living with him because of cps. We have no family so she had been given the right of where she wanted to live instead of going into foster care. She was in foster care for two weeks and I went crazy over her “care giver”.

I went to see my daughter, which I wasn’t suppose to do or know where she was staying. This woman opened the door with a nighty on clear up to her kitty and it had holes in it. She swore at me and that did it, I turned her in and cps interviewed my daughter to see if I was lying.

My daughter didn’t even have a sheet on her bed, there was dog piss everywhere and the woman even said she was a foster care participant for the money only. They did finally remove her as a foster care participant. This really affected my daughter terribly and as I drove away she sat on the porch crying.

This ripped out my heart so that is how she ended up at Leo’s. I went to court yesterday and my daughter has to come home for the weekends and her attorney totally agrees with me that she should not be living with her boyfriend. The young love she is in could end up blowing up in her face.

What will happen if they break up? Where will she live then? In foster care again and I will not have that. We talked about her going to college and the settlement money will not be enough every month for her to be able to afford an apartment. She will receive six hundred dollars a month for the next four years and I explained to her that law school is very expensive.

It cost like fifty grand for law school so I have got to figure out a way to get the money. She is going to be working and going to school but how is this young love going to sustain? I hope she ends up being so busy she doesn’t have time for him but I think I am just going to have to bite the bullet and accept Leo.

The one thing I cannot deny is how perfect they are for each other. They both have lost their dad’s and Leo seems to think he knows how I feel losing my husband. He has no clue and my parents divorced when I was three so I know what it is like not to have a father around but not how I would feel if I was seventeen and lost my dad.

I can never understand the depth of loss my daughter feels as she was a daddy’s girl. She stays busy so she doesn’t have to think of all that hurts her so bad. She is very closed and keeps her own council most of the time. She is a beautiful girl and she wouldn’t say shit if she had a mouthful.

Her attorney agrees that my family needs to rebuild our foundation and the judge ordered Shelby home on the weekends as a step towards bringing her home. In January we will be going back to court and she will be ordered home but she turns eighteen the seventeenth of January so she could turn right around and move back in with her boyfriend.

I need to get the money to buy her a car and I do not have that much time left that she will get social security and I am trying to pay off her private schooling. Leo will be around probably for the next year and then he may no longer hold her attention but I do not know, so I have to support her choice in boyfriends.

Sleepless In Paris

Wouldn’t you be worn out if you had traveled to all the countries below in less than twenty four hours?
France 
United States 
United Kingdom 
India 
Philippines 
New Zealand 
Georgia 
Poland

Well, I happen to have a no see relationship with the person doing this traveling, we have found it to be more exciting not to meet each other as that always keeps us guessing about the other one. Now isn’t that a new way to have a relationship? Ya, I know it’s pretty fucked up but you have to tell him that.

He’s afraid of me, afraid I might control him, take away his freedom like he is some little boy. He lies, he lies a lot and I just laugh because he has no reason to lie. I am not going to beat him, scream at him or punish him, so lieing is foolish. He follows my every move and I am not quite sure why.

To be honest I would love to have a real relationship with him but at this point body rental would do just fine. He’s a kinky fucker and loves porno. He just can’t help himself, he fantasizes all the time and he is the jack off king of the world. Bet his mom washed a lot of dirty sox when he was growing up, sorry mom.

I really would like to see him take better care of himself, get more rest, eat right come to me and get laid right, you know the little things that make life worth living. He’s either got a girlfriend or he is bisexual with a lover and I do not know which, my luck he’s bisexual.

Growing Up Again

I lived with my mother until I could escape and I got a job, apartment, car and all the good stuff money brings with it. I was doing very well for myself and being single I drank up life with vim and vigor. I traveled and partied, had wild sex and great times.

Then, I got married and life became about the kids, everything surrounded the kids and we had no relationship romantically. No, my husband and I were best friend and the almost eighteen years together had done that.

Then, he checked out-poof, gone in a heartbeat and I was left alone with the kids. I became dependent on my husband and now I am learning to become dependent on myself and it sux. As soon as people find out you’re a widow, they are like blood suckers and want to suck every dime out of you.

I seriously need a break from the bullshit and need to breathe some fresh air and relax. I am wrapped tighter than a rubber band wrapped around a pencil and paper clip. I’m really bored with my stalker and have just about lost interest in him.

You can play hide and seek for so long and if I can’t find you then I get bored and move on. This has all been a fine fairytale and mildly entertaining but it’s time to grow up and be an adult and act accordingly, that would be impressive.

The Path

So what path will you take when you finally find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Will you stay in a relationship that is good but not great and you are treated so well? Will you stay in a relationship that leaves you wondering what it would be like with someone like me?

Do you fantasize about us? Am I even a thought in your mind at all? If you do then you better decide what you are going to do because you are going to hurt one of us. If she is pregnant and you stay with her because of that then you are an asshole simple as that. You are the father and have rights that she cannot take away from you.

I cannot understand why you fear me so, why not bite the bullet and take a chance? Change your world, take a chance-reach out and grab what you want, dammit-you only live once.