The Union True

We are programmed to marry, raise our children and divorce or divorce and raise our children. The union true of marriage is a contractual agreement between two people and the contractual agreement doesn’t make room for emotional feelings. People make a huge mistake of marrying for love alone.

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Love doesn’t pay the bills and love doesn’t guarantee happiness and it doesn’t guarantee longevity of the union true. Women tend to want to get married more quickly than a man but there are some men that require marriage to make them feel secure. I am secure within myself even though I have days of self-doubt but I do not need to legalize a union true.

If I ask you to marry me I am not asking for a legal document, I am asking for a commitment of your heart.

I consider myself married to someone because I have not laid with another and I am here for him always. He makes me mad, damn mad at times and I infuriate him as well but it’s a beautiful thing we have. Totally unconventional, we love each other but we do not know each other to be in love with one another.

I love so many things about him but what I really get a kick out of is when he thinks he pulling a sneaky over my eyes. He is a riot and so funny and I sit back and just laugh and laugh. He is very smart but guess what? I have check mated him several times with great joy and I don’t play chess, lol.

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A Hope A Dream

I woke up to take Ryan to school and he was up all night sick so he didn’t make it to school, again. I am still sick myself with the intestinal flu. I went back to bed and had the most delightful dream. I seem to have the best dreams after I go back to sleep and they are always so comforting.

I was sleeping in his bed in France and the light was sneaking peeks through the drapes. He was lieing behind me with his arm over my waist. I could feel the warmth of his body and his breath on my neck and I moved his hand from my waist and placed it on my bare breast.

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We were so comfortable and it felt so right to be next to him. There was no sexual arousal, it was just two people feeling secure and happy to be with each other. Both of us needed this time to relax and to recharge for the day ahead and he was going to be leaving for the day shortly.

He repositioned himself and we slowly awoke and he climbed over me to get out of bed and into the shower. My day wasn’t to start for several more hours but the thought of him in the shower made me get up and join him. Both of us stood under the hot water and I soaped up the sponge and began to wash him.

I slowly moved the sponge over his neck and down his chest and then I washed his back and moved back to his crotch and gently washed his erect member. I worked around to his tight butt and washed him delicately. He kissed my neck and put me against the wall and entered me slowly.

This was no hasty sexual act but an act of slow methodical  demonstrative love. We made slow, passionate love and both of us exploded like a bomb. I washed his hair and then bent down and washed his legs and feet as he washed my hair and bathed me. We exited the shower and dried each other off and both of us had that look of mischievous on our faces.

I took off towards the bed and he chased me and as I dove into the bed he followed. We got under the covers and in a comfortable position and we talked about the days events. He got out of bed and I admired his glistening nakedness as he got dressed and then I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing.

I really like dreams like this because it makes me feel safe and secure, he makes me feel safe and secure and just thinking of him puts a smile on my face. I wish he was just a regular guy with a regular job but he isn’t regular in any way shape or form. With all that he has he also goes without the security of knowing that people like him for himself not his title.

People can be rich and famous and others think they have it all but the truth is they have no piece of mind. They always have to protect themselves from users and people who want to capitalize from them. Women have to be analyzed for their intentions and motives as well.

Would I ever want to be rich and famous? No, you may have the fame and all that you want materialistically but you can never be sure if someone likes you for you and nothing more. I have known him for years and the last two is when I discovered who he really is.

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It is difficult for me to know who he is because I feel as if he compares me to all of the other women that want to be with him because of who he is. He doesn’t realize that his fame is a total turn off to me because I have no desire to live that lifestyle, no I am the girl who wants to go back to her youth of happiness living on a farm.

My wedding ring is very beautiful I guess but I am not into jewelry and my daughter wants my ring. I do not know if I should give it to her or not because it does represent her father and I. The ring means nothing to me and holds no memories like it should but the first sign that the marriage wasn’t going to work was the day we got married.

My girlfriend took pictures at the justice of the peace and not a single picture turned out. That represented a black cloud over our marriage to me. Things progressively got more distant as the years went on and we were no more than two ships passing in the night. I look back now and I see my purpose in the marriage was to take care of my husband until he reached heaven.

I did all the required duties and so much more but the marriage lacked the essentials for a happy union. I guess I am a strange  bird because I do not want anyone to support me or pay my bills and take care of my kids. I do not want a fancy house and car and I do not want a closet full of expensive clothes.

What do I want? A small ranch and a garden that I can pick fresh tomatoes, cilantro, garlic and jalapeno peppers. I really like hot sauce and making my own is the best. I just want a simple, happy life and I think that is what he is striving for himself because he has realized long ago the pitfalls of fame.

No matter how my dreams end I will always want him to be happy and healthy and I will always want his happiness, even if it is at the expense of my own. I have such a deep believe in the thought of us as true soul mates and that will never change because it continues to grow stronger year by year.

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A Simple Happy

Everyone likes to feel happy and I happen to be happy because of Michael and Gabriel. These two don’t weigh 4 lbs. between them and they are so comical. They are full of piss and vinegar and love, these two love for days and they are kissers, always kissing Ryan and myself.

There is something about puppies that make me happy and the littler the better. I used to have shepherds but Sassy had to be put down and Saber is with a family that loves her and has another dog for her to play with. I need a person to play with, lol because everyone needs someone to play with.

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Life gets to dark and dreary and we need to try to be happy as much as possible. People say they are happy when the truth of the matter is they are surviving. Happiness is a smile on your face a lift in your step and a lightness of the heart and that is what my boys do for me. They are so funny and keep me laughing constantly and they make me feel so loved.

Love Of Oldie

Love used to be special, it used to be flowers and cards and letters. Love used to be a 6 oz. coke a cola and a stolen kiss in the driveway. Love used to be sweet and innocent, love was holding hands and doing homework together. Love used to be what all of us wanted but love has changed.

Love is now about how famous you are or how much money you have. Love today is who can I be seen with and how much jewelry one can collect. Love is presents which is nothing more than buying the person’s love. The more you give the more you lose sight of your love and more of ownership and commitment.

In the dream world that I live love is the scent of flowers and bumble bees, love is the warmth on my face and my hand in his, love is the sharing a piece of cheese cake, love is fun, love is simple and love is unique. I want the innocence of love once again and I want the purity of the heart.

Want It

When you have feelings for someone it always feels so good to tell them or show them. I have feelings for two men now and I really do not know which one to choose. The one that is doing flips for me is making me very happy and the one that I am not sure how he really feels is always on my mind.

So what do I do? I do nothing because when I can’t choose I think about it for a few days then make my final decision. The one that is long distance show me nothing but games so that is his first strike. I can afford not to settle for less than I deserve because I am seeing people for who they really are.

I am eliminating the old and useless and opening the door for new and useful. It doesn’t matter what your feelings are for someone else because you have to put yourself first no matter what. Nobody is going to come and take care of me and I know that so I put myself first for a change.

I have finally built a suit of armor for myself and I am not so easily pushed over. I have reached my “fed up” point. I am fed up with people trying to railroad me and use me, I am fed up with the games and lies and I am fed up with being ripped off. I am taking back what is mine and walking away from people and things I no longer want.

A Letter Of Life

How do you live without being with someone you love? Do you look at pictures and old love letters? Do they remind you of where you would rather be or who you would rather be with?  Love letters are the glue that hold long distant relationships together.

Love letters say so much even when they say so little and they put a smile on our faces. If you take the time to write a love letter than the person you are writing to is pretty special. Most people don’t write letters even on the computer.

Love letters are so precious and they are the letters of life as they fill the void in our hearts when we are alone or lonely. A simple letter can say I miss you and I love you in a way even words cannot convey at times.

I wish I had someone to write me love letters without me having to tell them, but then again I am the dreamer am I not?

Hook Line

I can’t be with him but all I have to do is close my eyes and we are together and I can imagine his hand touching my cheek, his lips kissing mine and the warmth of his body keeping me warm and safe. He is the one I have waited an eternity for and no one can replace him.

It’s been a long hard road but we have stayed on it against all odds and no one would ever believe the love story we have been writing. When someone controls your every thought and your dreams are romantic dancing, just the two of you and your world smiles when you think of each other, it is a good day.

We have something so unique and special it is so hard to explain or describe. We have a love that is of two best friends and I can talk to him about anything and he can always calm me down and give me peace. He has angelic magic that makes me smile and he makes me laugh so much.

He is someone I cannot describe to you because he is so unique and he is a driven man. He never gives up on anything he wants or anyone and he never walks away from a challenge because that is what he lives for. He needs a challenge and he needs to stay stimulated or his life is boring.

Boxed I

Have you ever met someone and didn’t like them and you were mean or ignored them only later to meet them again and be attracted to them? Maybe you stole something from them and later found yourself so attracted you couldn’t let go? Don’t you hate when things like that happen?

What have you done to yourself? You have boxed yourself in and it’s hard to redeem yourself in the other persons eyes. You spent hours trying to figure out how you can get this person to forgive you and get some of their attention. I have never had that happen, lol but I have had that happen to guys and they seem to have this desire to be with me.

I can remember when I was around 21 I went to the bar with some friends to celebrate my birthday and one friends boyfriends friend was an annoying ass. My girlfriend went home with her boyfriend and had his friend give me a ride home. What a night, he drove a vet and decided to show me how fast it went, lmao.

He ended up going to jail that night for speeding and drunk driving and I drove his vet to my house. He picked up his car the next day and exactly one year later he called me to wish me happy birthday and to ask me out. It’s funny how people remember me at the oddest times.

Someone I know has been trying to redeem themselves and I wish they would stop because it’s water under the bridge, dirty panties in the wash and the wet spot has dried. I have long ago forgiven him and I get pissed at times because I felt like I was spinning my wheels with him.

I think I have a better understanding why he has done what he has done and why he has stood behind the green door for so long. I do hope I am right because it makes me like him much more because I am not left up to think the worse.