I enjoy the feel of a soft wind on my cheeks when the sun is beating down and turning my face a natural pink. There is no sun and there is no wind and my heart is wiping my tears as I read the text from James:
“Mom, can you please call Ryan or let him call you he is crying” I cannot call him I cannot let him touch me-I have to guard my heart as I am hurting so much the pain is terrible. I want to drown out the silence of his voice, I want to block his image from my mind, I want to close and bolt the door, God give me the strength I need now-
I really like wind chimes and I could listen to them moving in the wind all day long. There is something about the sound that takes me back home. The sound reminds me of hot summer days and hummingbirds drinking their nectar and fluttering around the flowers on the bush.
I think the sound of wind chimes is so relaxing and soothing and it puts me in a relaxed mood. I just so enjoy the simple country life and the wind chimes is such a reminder of those days and it makes me feel comforted.
Have you ever felt like running off a mountain into the air? Wondering will I fly or will I die? Have you ever wanted to run away from your life and run away from everyone? I wonder if I will ever fly, I wonder if I will ever grab the golden ring, I wonder if I will ever be able to help those that are in need.
I want to do so much for so many but barely can take care of myself right now, that will change in time of course but in the mean time I think of how I can make homes out of box cars and use solar power to provide the homeless with housing, I want to teach the world how to make use of food so it isn’t wasted.
I want to show the world how to prevent illness, and I want to show the world how to love. There is so much hate in this world and so much anger and resentment. People should not feel this way but this is the way life is now, people are moving so fast they no longer can enjoy their lives.
I so wish I could hug the world, I so wish I could take care of those that need help the most, I am a humanitarian, I am a giver of love and hope and I feel like I am losing myself layer by layer. I am starving for the very thing I am giving to others but no one can see me as I bare my soul to the world.
I feel naked and lost, unloved, unwanted and this is so unbearable at times I crawl into myself. I feel like a shattered mirror and when I look into that mirror I can only see pieces of myself. I feel scattered and trashed, I feel too much for to long for too many and I will come together in time.