Day Dilema

What a day, wow I am glad it is time to relax. Had to drive an hour to pick up my yorkie puppies, Michael and Gabriel and they are brothers but the personalities are quite different and distinct already.

I shouldn’t have spent the money on them but it’s time for me to love me and show myself some kindness and buy myself something I have wanted since my other guys were given away.

I told the kids do not buy me anything for xmas because I got the puppies. I have started to pick up a few items for Shelby and she is coming over tomorrow for dinner. We had a huge fight yesterday and then I thought about it.

It’s hard for me to  accept that I am wrong and say I am sorry but I do do it. I had to finally admit to myself and my daughter that her living at her boyfriends and graduating from high school is hard for me.

I am losing someone I love very much but I have to let her make her own way in this world and under the circumstances it isn’t fair to her. It is hard to admit that your child is growing up, no let me rephrase that, she is grown up.

It has been so hard on her and her senior year without her dad has been really hard for her and her graduation is going to be hard for me. I’ve got her a job lines up with my attorney and she will be going to college in the fall and working.

I feel so bad that Bob spent the kids college money but what can I do? Maybe it is a good thing who knows. I am trying to pay off school and put money away to get her a car for graduation.

Ryan got expelled yesterday and I think that is also a blessing, it saves me money on tuition and Ryan is going to an alternative school which is for troubled and pregnant, trying to get these kids to graduation instead of dropping out.

The kids have grown up fast like Ryan and some have problems like Ryan and others have worse problems. Some classes may have 15 kids and some may only have 5 kids so this will be good.

The puppies have stolen Ryan’s heart and Michael took right to Ryan. Gabriel is just as cute but their personalities are so different. I am glad that Michael took to Ryan because it makes Ryan feel special.

 

 

 

 

Growing Up

Our children grow up so fast that we blink and they are adults. My daughter wants to be a judge one day and I have been able to secure her a job with my attorney when she graduates in May. We went out shopping today because she needed some boots for winter and she found some she really liked so of course I bought them for her.

I was able to save ten grand for each of my kids before my husband could spend it, I had money put aside to cover college but he pissed it away. My daughter is finally realizing that she cannot afford an apartment and school and she is also knows that if her and her boyfriend break up she needs to live somewhere and home is the place.

tomorrow we go before the court to see what will happen with my kids, Ryan wants to stay with me and Shelby wants to stay at her boyfriends, cps is going to recommend to the court that Shelby return home and the court generally adopts cps recommendations. I am looking forward to rebuilding a relationship with my daughter before she fly’s the coop.

Then on Thursday I go on trial for a felony charge which is bullshit and even the probate judge said the same thing and that will be used in my favor during the trial.  My attorney isn’t worried one bit so I guess I won’t worry either about the outcome, the cops think they are judges and juries these days and make some real stupid mistakes which cost them.

I love my kids but it’s time for me to find my own way and Ryan will be gone in two years and I will be by myself completely. I need to meet someone or my house will be full of dogs again, lol. I want to be able to not worry any longer about my son committing suicide and I hope we can get through this terrible phase in his life.