A Simple Happy

Everyone likes to feel happy and I happen to be happy because of Michael and Gabriel. These two don’t weigh 4 lbs. between them and they are so comical. They are full of piss and vinegar and love, these two love for days and they are kissers, always kissing Ryan and myself.

There is something about puppies that make me happy and the littler the better. I used to have shepherds but Sassy had to be put down and Saber is with a family that loves her and has another dog for her to play with. I need a person to play with, lol because everyone needs someone to play with.

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Life gets to dark and dreary and we need to try to be happy as much as possible. People say they are happy when the truth of the matter is they are surviving. Happiness is a smile on your face a lift in your step and a lightness of the heart and that is what my boys do for me. They are so funny and keep me laughing constantly and they make me feel so loved.

All Different

Ryan got suspended on Friday and I have been trying all week to get him into another school. We finally had our “interview” with the principal and counselor this morning. I think this is a good move for Ryan and myself because this boy is draining me. He is so moody and he is like on an emotional rollercoaster.

He has had it pretty darn rough for a kid and this change may be what the doctored ordered. I have gotten him involved in my little business of selling junk and books on ebay and amazon. We are averaging 1 item per day which isn’t bad considering I only started listing two weeks ago.

There is a trick to selling on amazon and I figured it out pretty quickly and I am thinking about doing an online business reselling on ebay for other people. I know this has been tried in a building and doesn’t work but online may be different. It’s easy enough to make money and maybe it’s not a lot but it does build over time.

The kids get a kick out of me doing the amazon thing because I am selling stuff you never would think would sell, lmao. It is so true one man’s junk is another man’s treasure. Everytime I sell something I text the kids and say cha  ching and they crack up, it’s something all of us can be involved with and it’s fun as well.

My kids make me laugh because they tell me they cannot believe that I am actually getting money for selling junk, lol. They are always asking if I have sold anything else for that day, lmao. This is like a running a mail order business which is so easy as I had several mail order company’s years ago.

The kids are learning a thing or two from their hairbrained mother and I can see I have amazed my kids. You know kids have a way of making us feel invincible and they make us proud of ourselves, kids are just unique individuals who see us for who we really are, crazy or not.

Jealousy Theory

I have finally figured out what triggers Ryan’s depression and attitude, it’s his sister. Ryan is obviously jealous that I enjoy my daughter’s visits and I want to be part of her life. His entire demeanor changes when she is around and he is mean and very moody. I am glad I go to counseling and will start family counseling again.

Shelby doesn’t like to be around Ryan because he acts this way and there is really no excuse for it. I spend all of my time with Ryan and very little time with Shelby but he still resents her being around. He is constantly comparing himself to her and that is what my husband did to my son.

My husband always made Shelby out to be the greatest kid alive and never made Ryan feel good about himself. I can only do so much and a boy needs positive reinforcement from his dad. I have tried to build up my sons self esteem but I can only do so much and then my hands are tied.

I am hoping this new school makes Ryan feel good and I know he will feel accepted which is a great thing for him. The principal is supposed to be really good with kids that don’t fit in and Ryan is one of those kids. I do not see why he doesn’t fit in but I am not a kid either.

Back Seat Terror

My son Ryan, daughter Shelby and James the one I have adopted all decided to brave Black Friday. I needed a new mattress for my bed and so I bought one, finally. It came with a 32” tv and that just wouldn’t do so I upgraded to a 60″. My husband spent 5 grand on one and Ryan and I were arguing and he threw his phone at me and I threw it back hitting the tv and breaking it.

It was actually a good thing because I want no reminders of my husband and that tv screamed at me everyday to remember him. Anyway, Ryan has his drivers permit and he was driving and James was in the passenger front. Shelby and I were in the back seat and have you ever looked at someone and your eyes were wide open?

Shelby and I were looking at each other like we couldn’t wait to get our feet on the ground. Ryan was afraid to part so we went in a circle four times around a parking aisle until he finally parked. Shelby was making fun of him to me and he over heard her and threw down the keys he was so mad.

He has already gotten his first speeding ticket which cost 130.00 dollars and he does scare the hell out of me. Shelby and I are getting along so good since I finally admitted my fear of losing her and I think she is beginning to understand how I feel. We are to go to court with cps next month and the judge is going to order her to move back home.

I told her I wouldn’t make her move back and I won’t because I have to accept my little girl is a young woman. So we are slowly mending our relationship but none the less both of us are scared to death of Ryan’s driving. I do not remember Shelby being that bad but we made it home safe and sound.

The Michael Lick

I got my puppies yesterday and what a riot! Michael and Gabriel, my Archangels are just adorable. Ryan held them all the way home and now Michael is crazy for Ryan. They have the best personalities and Michael is the adventurous one and Gabriel follows him but he is more laid back.

Puppy love is wonderful therapy and the change in Ryan is phenomenal and I am surprised that he is being so responsible and taking care of them. He thinks it’s great that Michael has chosen him over me and that is fine because Ryan is laughing and playing with them and I haven’t seen Ryan this happy since he was a baby.

 

When we got home Ryan was sitting on the couch and Michael started licking his face and Ryan just laughed and laughed. He is really enjoying these little guys and I am to. I am never amazed how pets are wonderful therapy for anyone and those fighting depression cannot hold back their empathy for these little guys

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I have also noticed the smaller the dog the depressed person is liable to be more taken by the puppy. I think the reason for this is they are so small that you automatically feel they need to be protected. I have steps for the puppies because if they jump off the couch they could really hurt a leg.

These little guys warm the cockles of my heart and make me smile. These little ones are my angels and they are a great investment for me. Investing in your own happiness is important and that is what I am doing, finally investing into my own happiness, and no I do not feel one bit guilty.

 

Kick Em

Why are people such users and take advantage of people when they are down? How can people live with themselves stealing from the elderly, sick and people in bad situations? What has happened to this world I once knew?

The night after my son tried to commit suicide I was a total mess, completely scattered and had a difficult time processing things that were going on around me. This guy that was supposed to do work for me, well I found him in my house when I got back from the hospital.

I had forgotten to close and lock the door next to my garage, that door is a separate entrance into my basement. He was in my house stealing and I didn’t even know it, he stole my sons computer, sony headphones, my reader and I do not know what else.

He stole my brand new opera gloves three pairs and my white corset. I am so pissed I could choke him to death. Who is this piece of shit anyway? Someone I thought was going to be a good referral until he never showed up on time, like hours late or he didn’t show up at all-I knew then he had to go.

He’s telling the police we had an agreement, bullshit he says we had a verbal agreement. Ya, we had a verbal agreement that he would give me a written estimate. The guy thought I would pay him 700.00 to install two rooms of carpeting, that isn’t including the carpeting.

If I would have seen the estimate at the beginning I would have blown him off. He isn’t capable of writing up an estimate. The guy has no business sense at all, and then my son tells me the guy makes his living by collecting scrap and selling it.

This guy is suppose to be like a handyman the only think he’s handy for is removing property without consent, it’s called stealing and I’m seeing about getting him for breaking and entering. Why do I always attract the trash of the world?

The bad thing about being bipolar is I keep it together during an emergency and do what needs to be done and then I fall to pieces after the emergency is taken care of. When my son tried to commit suicide I was literally scattered for a week.

I couldn’t think straight or deal with anything else as my son was my primary concern. I was back and forth to the hospital and mentally and physically exhausted. I wasn’t paying attention to items missing and didn’t even know they were missing from the house until yesterday when I brought Ryan home.

This is not going to be something I let go, no way I am going to get this jerk prosecuted and if he doesn’t return everything I will see that he burns and sits in jail for a while. I do not care anymore he screwed me so it’s time for me to drill him.

Where Do We Go

I have called the hospital and told them that I want Ryan released today, as a mother I cannot stand to hear my child cry and in such misery. The dr. told me he is basically stabilized on his meds and she didn’t have a reason to keep him there much longer and the insurance wouldn’t pay.

I have given this a lot of thought and Ryan has got to take his meds and that is all there is to it. He has found out that playing games will catch up to him and it has. He isn’t crazy and he has played his manipulation games to his own peril and now he is really depressed because he got caught.

CPS can do nothing for him so I have no choice but to bring him home and I know how the dr.s are in places like that. The Dr. told him maybe next weekend she would let him come home and I know from past experience if you do not act a certain way they use it against you and keep you longer.

You cannot get angry at all and you basically have to do every little thing they say just perfectly or they keep you, it sux but that’s the way it is. I will not let any Dr. “get back at” my son because he didn’t act “right” in her eyes, people abuse their power in all walks of life and you can never trust anyone.

On top of dealing with Ry, this jerk that was supposed to do work for me has ripped me off so bad, the jerk stole saws, my lawnmower, computers are missing and a lot of other stuff. Yes, I filed a police report but he’s claiming I gave the stuff to him so it’s his word against mine and I will probably have to take him to small claims.