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There is something wrong with me and I am having a difficult time sexually with someone I am seeing.  We have slept together naked and not had sex, only romance and kissing and I know I shouldn’t be complaining because I love romance and kissing.

I want to have sex with him but I can’t, don’t ask me why there is just something stopping me. It’s as if I have sex with him then there is a committed relationship and I do not want that. I am not someone who will have sex for the sake of having sex, if you know what I mean.

I really like “C” but I’m not ready for that leap and he isn’t pushing me, I think I am pushing myself as if I have fallen off a horse and I am getting back on to get over my fear. Men are not horses and I am sure sex is like riding a bike but for some reason I cannot take that step with him.

This is not normal behavior or is it? Do people get afraid to have sex when they have been alone for so long physically? It’s as if sex is a trap that lures you in and grabs you from behind and for me it solidifies a relationship, am I wrong?

Many

There is this guy on tv with four wives, is this guy out of his mind? Women living together end up menstruating at the same time, this guy has got to be a closet drunk. I cannot image having a relationship with three other women, not happening, not now not ever.

I do not like women to begin with, sorry readers-women are petty and catty and working in the steel mill as an industrial electrician with all men has taught me two things, women bitch-men whine.

Men whine like forever about the stupidest shit and women bitch because we are trying to get things done. If you disagree with me, guess what I don’t care, lmao. I have heard every complaint a man could ever have about a woman.

I listened to one guy whine about his wife not wanting to have anal sex with him, like what am I suppose to do about it? Then I listened to another guy complain about what a lousy cook his wife was even though dinner was on the table every night.

Men whine and whine and whine and it gets as old as listening to someone bitch all the time. Women bitch because they are not happy and the more they bitch the more you better pay attention.

Love Thy Pervert

Ok I admit this is my favorite subject SEX, I love everything about sex-doing it, planning it, dreaming about it, writing about, talking about and fantasizing about it. I am a pervert at heart compared to most women and the ones that are my age would gladly pay someone to have sex with their husband so they don’t have to.

I admit sex can get boring, very boring if you don’t take the time to make it exciting and if you want to keep your man at home and out of another’s bed you better be a pervert in the bedroom, kitchen, living, front and back yard. I think of sex in different terms than a lot of people because sex is not just sex to me.

Sex should be a deep connection between to people and you should be able to see that connection when he is inside you looking into your eyes. You should be able to feel that connection as well and it should be deeper than anything you have ever felt for another person.

Sex isn’t just about the orgasm and it isn’t just about the wet spot left on the sheets, sex to me is self-expression of kindred spirits looking to quiet the soul and meet its mate. Sex can be so fun and exciting, so loving, gentle and caring, so eye-opening to the depths of another’s soul.

I have always been very sexual and I have some kind of “magic” that hits men right between the eyes. I think it is how sensual I am and how I make sex to be an experience like most have never had. I am not bragging, just stating facts from past men that were in my life.

I have never had a single complaint in the bedroom or out and I have been told by more than one man who I gave a new meaning to sex for them. They were used to other women  lieing in bed with their legs spread and no emotion, like a dead fish out of water to long. 

I enjoy touching the person in ways they have never been touched and that isn’t limited to their body. I believe you must touch ones soul to bring them to a place they have never been. I have even had an x boyfriend call me and ask me if we could have sex because he missed the way I made him feel.

I enjoy quickies but I really enjoy the quiet evenings on clean sheets and the use of body oils and toys. I like it to be fun and exciting and that is how it is. I like to look into his eyes as he enters me and see what he is thinking and feeling and it is more than obvious if you look into his eyes.

I want to have sex so bad with this guy I just started seeing but that isn’t me, I am not a flash in the pan woman and there has to be more than a good time to me. If I sleep with you then you have me for as long as you want but if I do not sleep with you within the first three months you can bet you are nothing more than a friend.

I would rather come home with wet panties and my self respect in tact instead of coming home with wet panties and using someone for sex or let myself be used. People jump into bed together way to fast and that is why they seem to think they are in love, a smart woman keeps her panties on or her legs closed until she can see that she is going some place in the relationship.

To Be Sure

People fall in love and get married without really looking at the person and they deal strictly on emotion. When I got married I was thirty four and got pregnant. Yes, I was on the pill but being fertile Myrtle proved to be stronger than any birth control pill. I married my husband because I thought he would be a good dad, how wrong I was.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband after ten years of marriage or so but I was never in love with him nor him with me. We were raised during a time that you did the “right thing” and got married if knocked up. I made it clear to him that I wanted two kids not just one.

He didn’t want anymore kids but that wasn’t the deal we made. When I was ovulating I would practically have to chase his butt down and tie him to the bed because he just wasn’t into sex. How can a man not be into sex? He wasn’t into making babies but to bad I got my son anyway.

When I was giving birth he told me to shut up because I was in so much pain, that is why I never fell in love with him. He was very into himself and he was very selfish. Bob always wanted the best that we could afford, even if we couldn’t afford it he would go buy it. I would invest my money for the kids education and he spent every damn dime of that money during our divorce.

We got back together and he died a month later, once again leaving me to fend for the kids and myself after he spent all the money. He wasn’t all bad but he was very selfish and I will never be with another person like that again. I think people place too much emphasis on love and not enough on real compatibility.

The biggest mistake people make is marrying for love and not looking at what the two have in common. Money is a huge problem in marriages because people do not look at each other’s spending and saving habits. I am not a spender because I have had to take care of myself since I was young and I know the importance of saving.

I have made some really stupid mistakes with money when I was sick but now that I am doing well physically and mentally I am back on track. I get excited over little things like wild flowers instead of roses, diamonds hold no interest to me and neither do big houses and fancy cars.

Of course I like these items but it doesn’t mean I want them because I know the importance of people over items. I only need enough to get by and I am happy. Life isn’t about the material crap, it’s about the moments that make memories we cherish and look back on, moments are all about life but material crap won’t hold your hand.

I am glad I am starting to see someone because it makes me look at my life differently and what I really want. I won’t end up with him permanently that I am sure of because I feel that I need to date several guys over a period of time before I make the decision to settle down with just one.

I thought I would end up with someone who has been in my life for the past 3-4 yrs. but that will never happen and I am moving on. We have never met and never will so it’s time to cut my losses and move forward. He doesn’t know me anymore than I know him and he won’t even meet me to see if he would be interested in going further.

So I have finally made the decision to move on and leave him to his own devices. He makes me feel like I am not good enough for him or pretty enough, thin enough, have enough money. I don’t want a damn thing from him and that includes supporting me, I did want one thing, his love but that will never happen so he’s being left behind while I find someone who cares about me and will love me.

I am over flowing with love and affection and I have wasted it for years on him and it’s time to respect and love myself enough to find someone who will truly appreciate what I have to offer as a woman and a lover. I have no doubt in time I will be happy for the rest of my life but for now I am just redefining Kimberly.

The Perfect Birthday

When you have kids your birthday is usually an after thought or the kids need to be reminded. My birthday will be like any other day, the kids want to come home to hot homemade food and yes I am supposed to make a birthday cake for myself and dinner. I don’t mind because I love to cook and bake.

It would be nice if someone would make the day a tiny bit special for me but that never happens and I doubt it ever will. I am not into presents because I feel embarrassed when I received them. I do not know when this started but I have felt this way as long as I can remember.

Now I love to give gifts for others and watch them open them because I always manage to buy cool shit, don’t ask me how I just manage to do it. Maybe that is part of my unique personality, lol. I like to make special days special for others and for once I would love to have someone make my day super special.

I would so love to go downtown with the man I love and enjoy the city at night for a change or even lay in bed and watch a movie and order in pizza. I just want to spend one night with the man I love and I would be happy, so damn happy for a change. Why do people feel like they need to see each other everyday?

I don’t need to have a relationship with someone and see them everyday or every week for that matter. Why can’t we just see each other when it’s convenient for both? Why do we have to play these stupid little games of pretending we are not who we really are? Let’s just enjoy the time we can be together and let it fall as it may?

If someone says they love you doesn’t that mean they would want to be with you? Want to hold you, kiss you, make love to you? Doesn’t that mean they want to laugh like children and be carefree without boundaries or any type of restrictions? Why can’t life be simple instead of people making it complicated?

So come to me and make me smile and I will make you laugh, we can be stupid silly together and enjoy the hell out of this life instead of getting tied up with work and the pressures of daily living? Won’t you please come to me? on me? for me? Hell just come for my birthday please.

Great Sex

How many people have experienced great sex, fantastic sex, the kind of sex that you fall back covered in  sweat and panting like a dog sex?Speaking for myself I have had the best damn sex that anyone could ever experience, yes I experienced all in my own mind.

I write a blog called eroticfantasylife.com and I express every sexual dream I have. I am very open and honest but I have yet to meet a man who has made me sweaty let alone overwhelmed sexually. Many women lose sight of how it was in the beginning of their relationship. Most are filled with lots of hot, steamy sex and the relationship ends up in a puddle of lukewarm water.

Maybe I am over sexed for a female but I think of passion when I think of sex, I think of romance too. Sex is just sex without emotion and when you love someone sex is so wonderful. I cannot do one night stands and never see the person again, that just isn’t me. What I would give for an evening of hot, sweaty, sweet sex.

So Many Lack

So many people lack confidence, they fear rejection and do not want others to see the real person that they are. They hide within themselves until someone special comes into their lives and opens Pandora’s box. This person is understanding and accepting of all of your faults and failures and they still lift you up.

They see the real you, the person you don’t want others to know because the pain in your life paints your heart a deep crimson and you fear that color will be brightened once again. You cannot bare the pain that comes with love and lost of love and you do not know how to move forward.

You seek love at every turn and think you find it over and over because you are actually in love with being in love. You so enjoy the feeling of being in love that you get into relationships that end up draining you and taking a part of you out the door. You refuse to accept the truth before you and you fight it every day.

The woman who should be in your life is before you but you are too foolish to let her in. You waste time with one that will not fulfill you even though you accept what is offered on the surface. Side by side night after night exhausted and not missing sex does not make a happy relationship.

The relationship you seek is true, all-consuming and you think of no one but her all day and dream of her at night. You stalk her and fantasize about her touch and you touching her. You dream of making love to her and think of her when you are making love to AB, it’s time to stop and look at where your life is headed and who you plan on being with forever.

Kissing

Kissing is an art that I have found most people do not possess. You do not suck the other person’s lips into your mouth or have sloppy wet lips that want to devour have of ones face. Kissing requires most lips, slowly kissing the neck and ear, the side of the face over to the lips.

The kiss should possess power yet be gentle, demanding but in a needy way and the kiss should involve the dance of the tongues. Kissing is what makes love-making so powerful, exciting, and memorable. A great kisser is hard to find and it is also hard to find someone who enjoys kissing.

I enjoy kissing so much as I let my hands run over the tight ass and thighs, the groin and the chest. I get so turned on kissing and touching because the excitement is so heightened. I miss kissing so much and it’s the one thing I can’t do to myself, where is my great kisser?

Atom Bomb

My high school principal signed my yearbook an wrote Trenton High’s answer to the atom bomb. He knew me well and to this day I still am an “atom bomb”. I so enjoy being silly and it helps fill the loneliness.

I haven’t been in a man’s arms in over three years and the closest I have gotten to sex is molesting the mannequin in Target last week. It is definitely not  healthy to go without sex and the body requires it to be happy and yes that falls under maintenance.

So here is the atom bomb waiting for a maintenance man and it isn’t easy. I have never been one to date or go bar hopping. I do not seek out companionship and no I’m not a one night stand type of woman.

My hats off to my jacuzzi tub because without the help of the jets, I am sure I would have gone crazy by now. To many taboos have been painted by society and masturbation is like so taboo, what a bunch of bunk.

If masturbation were a crime and I’m sure is it somewhere, hell if I got convicted I would be doing a million consecutive life sentences. I am a woman who is not ashamed of much and wanting to feel sexy is a must for me.

No I am not stick thin quite the opposite as I am a bbw that loves lingerie and to be naked and that is me. I am a nature lover, animal lover and I love to laugh and to make people laugh.

Someday, someone will come into my life that will be a perfect fit but until then I just deal with day-to-day crap and look forward to traveling and getting laid with a whole lot of sensual moments.

Atom Bomb

My high school principal signed my yearbook an wrote Trenton High’s answer to the atom bomb. He knew me well and to this day I still am an “atom bomb”. I so enjoy being silly and it helps fill the loneliness.

I haven’t been in a man’s arms in over three years and the closest I have gotten to sex is molesting the mannequin in Target last week. It is definitely not  healthy to go without sex and the body requires it to be happy and yes that falls under maintenance.

So here is the atom bomb waiting for a maintenance man and it isn’t easy. I have never been one to date or go bar hopping. I do not seek out companionship and no I’m not a one night stand type of woman.

My hats off to my jacuzzi tub because without the help of the jets, I am sure I would have gone crazy by now. To many taboos have been painted by society and masturbation is like so taboo, what a bunch of bunk.

If masturbation were a crime and I’m sure is it somewhere, hell if I got convicted I would be doing a million consecutive life sentences. I am a woman who is not ashamed of much and wanting to feel sexy is a must for me.

No I am not stick thin quite the opposite as I am a bbw that loves lingerie and to be naked and that is me. I am a nature lover, animal lover and I love to laugh and to make people laugh.

Someday, someone will come into my life that will be a perfect fit but until then I just deal with day-to-day crap and look forward to traveling and getting laid with a whole lot of sensual moments.