C Ya

Things with “C” have almost ran their course because he is just to damn controlling for me. He doesn’t want me to have my fb, he wants to be part of my new business-that will never happen and now he is starting to pressure me for sex. In today’s world everyone is having sex on the first date but I don’t drop my panties that quickly.

I have tried to calculate the cost of several dinners as far as sexual and I can’t quite figure out if the first time we went to dinner is worth a blow job, the second dinner, taking a shower together, third dinner, having sex. How do you figure out the cost of a date?

I have decided that I am not ready to be sexually active just quite yet or maybe I am waiting for the right person. I have agreed to meet someone in Vegas in January but I am not holding my breath waiting for this meeting to happen. He says he will follow through but I dont know if I can believe him.

I’m starting 2013 off on the right foot by letting someone into my life and if it isn’t “him” it will be someone else. I will not wait any longer for anyone and I want to be out of here in two years and that is how long it would take before any type of relationship would be stable enough for me to make any decisions.

Direction Positive

I have been going through quite a few mental changes and how I view people and the world. These changes are subtle but definitive and they are reshaping my views and fears. I am ready to step forward into a healthy relationship and I have wiped the slate completely clean so we can start fresh.

It’s like I have met someone for the first time when in fact I have known him four years. I want to meet him and talk to him and I want to know what I feel for this person. I love him, yes but in a different way then I have loved anyone else-it’s hard to describe but I know I can be silly with him.

I also know I can be myself with him and that is hard to come by because I do not feel totally comfortable with anyone. I have always kept a shield up but with him I feel safe enough to let it down. He is finally letting a bit of his guard down as well and this is good for both of us.

I do not want to change a single thing in his life, not where he lives, the time he spends with his kids or family, the way he sleeps. The sleeping part is a lie because I want him to get into a better sleeping pattern for his health. He is going to make a gigantic change in his own life soon enough.

I am here for him and I am starting to believe he is here for me but I am going to continue to see “C” until I know there is a connection with us. I won’t have sex with “C” but I will continue to want him to kiss me and hold my naked body next to his. It is an odd relationship we have because he hasn’t tried to push the sex button.


It’s All Mental

It is so hard to wait for someone and it must be equally as hard to want to be with someone but you cannot, at least not at that time. When we wait we build up a vision of the person as we see them, not as they are.

It is hard to hold on to your dreams, hopes and wishes when you do not have the important answers. One thing I do know is when two souls belong together they definitely will eventually be together.

Love is one of the strongest emotions we have and it controls us like no other. Men want love to but differently from women and men want sex. If you keep your man sexually satisfied and mentally stimulated you will have a happy life.


No Entry

There is something wrong with me and I am having a difficult time sexually with someone I am seeing.  We have slept together naked and not had sex, only romance and kissing and I know I shouldn’t be complaining because I love romance and kissing.

I want to have sex with him but I can’t, don’t ask me why there is just something stopping me. It’s as if I have sex with him then there is a committed relationship and I do not want that. I am not someone who will have sex for the sake of having sex, if you know what I mean.

I really like “C” but I’m not ready for that leap and he isn’t pushing me, I think I am pushing myself as if I have fallen off a horse and I am getting back on to get over my fear. Men are not horses and I am sure sex is like riding a bike but for some reason I cannot take that step with him.

This is not normal behavior or is it? Do people get afraid to have sex when they have been alone for so long physically? It’s as if sex is a trap that lures you in and grabs you from behind and for me it solidifies a relationship, am I wrong?

X Me Please

Breaking up is hard to do when you are the one being dumped but when you are the “dumper” it feels like such a weight off of your shoulders. I always felt so bad when dumping someone and I would always say “it’s me not you”, when in fact it was me and not them. They just didn’t have that zing I needed in my relationships and more likely than not it was sexual incompatibility for me.

I know, I am slutty right? I demand a healthy sex life and one that  is adventurous and I will not apologize for limiting missionary. I am not sorry I am sexually expressive or find the missionary style so damn boring. I demand a healthy sex life or my relationships just fizzle as so many have done prior to my marriage and included my marriage.

I am not over sexed I just have a healthy attitude toward sex and relationships and if dumping someone because the were a lousy kisser or lousy in bed is the first step to a happy life. Sex and money destroy a relationship so easily so why settle for something or someone who doesn’t fulfill you?

Self Gratification

There are those that love to go shopping and get self gratification from it and then there are those like me that believe self gratification is sexual. I have finally figured out how not to feel so lonely when self gratifying myself, I sit in front of the mirror and then I have company and I am no longer lonely!

I have also learned to hide the 64 pack of batteries from my kids so I never end up right on the edge and the damn batteries go bad. Self gratification is not evil and no you will not go blind or go to hell, if that were the case every man on earth would have a pass to hell already waiting for them.

There are those that have huge sex drives and fall in love with love which leaves them lonely and wondering what they did wrong. When a relationship doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be and you can bet your bottom dollar on that. masturbation is such a dirty word to so many and they refuse to admit they partake.

My mother in law had the biggest black dildo I have ever seen and when she died I found her secret toy box. I threw it all away before my husband could see it because men do not look at their mother’s as sexual beings. From the looks of her toy box she was quite inventive and adventurous.

I would rather masturbate then go screw a bunch of men that I had no what golf course their putter had played on. Let’s be real, in today’s world you have to be so damn careful and cautious. I think the worse combination for anyone to be is over sexed and in love with love.

Those that are in love with love cannot see their desire to be loved so bad that they end up getting hurt and they generally get used. People love to be seen on the arm of the rich and famous and those individuals usually have a very hard time finding true love because the people they fall for are just going to use them up.

I prefer to stick with self gratification then to be with someone who wants only to use me and gain from me. I do feel sorry for those rich and famous people because trying to find real love and a real committment is so damn hard because of their money and fame. Once in a great while they will get a slap in the face by someone who has discovered that the life they want is not the life that the rich and famous live.

One thing I like about self gratification as I am never let down by anyone but myself and yes I do get pissed when I am at the edge and the damn doorbell rings or the phone. I am about to leave a message on the answering machine saying “Sorry, I’m masturbating and will not be disturbed” but then I would no doubt have more trouble at my door.

Love Thy Pervert

Ok I admit this is my favorite subject SEX, I love everything about sex-doing it, planning it, dreaming about it, writing about, talking about and fantasizing about it. I am a pervert at heart compared to most women and the ones that are my age would gladly pay someone to have sex with their husband so they don’t have to.

I admit sex can get boring, very boring if you don’t take the time to make it exciting and if you want to keep your man at home and out of another’s bed you better be a pervert in the bedroom, kitchen, living, front and back yard. I think of sex in different terms than a lot of people because sex is not just sex to me.

Sex should be a deep connection between to people and you should be able to see that connection when he is inside you looking into your eyes. You should be able to feel that connection as well and it should be deeper than anything you have ever felt for another person.

Sex isn’t just about the orgasm and it isn’t just about the wet spot left on the sheets, sex to me is self-expression of kindred spirits looking to quiet the soul and meet its mate. Sex can be so fun and exciting, so loving, gentle and caring, so eye-opening to the depths of another’s soul.

I have always been very sexual and I have some kind of “magic” that hits men right between the eyes. I think it is how sensual I am and how I make sex to be an experience like most have never had. I am not bragging, just stating facts from past men that were in my life.

I have never had a single complaint in the bedroom or out and I have been told by more than one man who I gave a new meaning to sex for them. They were used to other women  lieing in bed with their legs spread and no emotion, like a dead fish out of water to long. 

I enjoy touching the person in ways they have never been touched and that isn’t limited to their body. I believe you must touch ones soul to bring them to a place they have never been. I have even had an x boyfriend call me and ask me if we could have sex because he missed the way I made him feel.

I enjoy quickies but I really enjoy the quiet evenings on clean sheets and the use of body oils and toys. I like it to be fun and exciting and that is how it is. I like to look into his eyes as he enters me and see what he is thinking and feeling and it is more than obvious if you look into his eyes.

I want to have sex so bad with this guy I just started seeing but that isn’t me, I am not a flash in the pan woman and there has to be more than a good time to me. If I sleep with you then you have me for as long as you want but if I do not sleep with you within the first three months you can bet you are nothing more than a friend.

I would rather come home with wet panties and my self respect in tact instead of coming home with wet panties and using someone for sex or let myself be used. People jump into bed together way to fast and that is why they seem to think they are in love, a smart woman keeps her panties on or her legs closed until she can see that she is going some place in the relationship.

The Naked Truth

Relationships generally start going south when the sex goes in the toilet. It is a fact of life men love sex, they love the sound of it, the smell and taste of it, the visual and audible of it. Men cannot live without sex and will not.

Do you really think men don’t look at other women wondering what they are like in bed? Do you think men do not fantasize? Men think of sex like every six seconds so you have to keep it alive and exciting. Women seem to forget men are sexual creatures forever.

Men like to be teased and played with sexually through dirty chats and phone conversations. Phone sex is hot for men because they visualize what you say to them. Men like new and exciting, they like to come home to someone enticing.

Put away the granny nightgown and pull out the crotchless panties, stocking and garterbelt. Keep him home by keeping him excited to want to come home. I love to dress up only to dress down when I am in love.

I like to shake it up and get kinky, no not painful kinky but kinky kinky. I like to surprise the man who is in my life with different things. Sexy isn’t something you can buy or borrow, sexy comes from within and exudes like garlic through the pores of an Italian.

So let your inhibitions fall to the wayside and be the person he thinks he wants to be with and you will find your relationship to be more fulfilling and exciting.




Relationship Lies

I wonder how a many people are in relationships because they get along with the person and they are somewhat happy in the relationship. Why do people stay in safe relationships instead of going after the person they really want to be with? Why do people sell themselves short like that?

I know someone that is doing that exact thing but I can do nothing about it and they seem to be content or at least semi content. There is no doubt a baby in the picture which we all know how kids affect a relationship, either good or bad and even controlling a manipulating at times.

I would never want to be in that position again, either get married or have the kid on my own. It was tough enough to make when I was thirty four and I of course, made the wrong choice. I wish I would have raised her on my own because I would have been so much happier than I was.

It doesn’t matter how attractive you are or how wealthy you are, no one is immune to being cheated on or dumped. I would think those would be the people who fall the hardest because they expect to get whatever they want or whomever. I do not think men forty-five and over should have children.

When men get about fifty five they want do to as they please and have their children raised. They want to enjoy kinky sex and traveling without the kids any longer. I can’t blame them either because raising kids is rewarding but so is it when they are gone as well. 

The Hurting

How do you let go of someone you love but you are hurting because of the connection? How do you say I love you but I cannot breathe without you but need too? How do you let go of the sadness that grips your heart? I need to know how because I surely do not know how.

I hate myself for loving him so much because it’s all one sided and is going nowhere fast. I can say he has been my rock, he has been there for me when I almost died but he helped to give me strength to take myself to the hospital. He has helped me through so many times and I have helped him as well.

He says we are soulmates, yet I have yet to meet him and that is what is hurting me so. He says we will meet one day, well one day is here and it’s time to show or go. I cannot keep living this way as it is just to damn lonely and I need to feel a man again, next to me, walking with me, talking with me, making love to me.

It’s a moment of comfort I need so badly, the hug of a naked male chest against mine, just a moment to know that I still can react to a man’s touch. I just want to be happy with someone, someone who loved me as much as I loved them and he is the one, so how do I let go?