Forever Searching

We are forever searching for love and our soulmates, but so many do not understand what a real soulmate is. A true soulmate is your other half, yes they do complete you but people view completeness as love, happiness and contentment. A soulmate doesn’t give us all the good things we seek, actually a soulmate brings with the challenges and test that all of us must experience within a true soulmate relationship. We seek completeness, we seek another to complete us which is wrong as a soulmate does so much more.

A true soulmate will challenge your thoughts and beliefs as they make you question things that you are steadfast in believing. A soulmate not only opens doors but they open windows of our souls as well. We close ourselves off to things we do not wish to experience or to believe. Our soulmates bring tests into our lives as well as love and a soulmate teaches us lessons that are not always desirable. We are not limited to just one soulmate as soulmates come to us in different walks of life.

We can have soulmates in business as these people teach us how to protect ourselves financially and how to grow our wealth, this person never steers us wrong and always has our best interest at heart. Then we have our soulmate of love, this person understands us, they bring to the table all that we truly need and desire. This person loves us and they will not blow smoke up our asses as they are the realist that pulls no punches in our lives.

People equate love and soulmates as one which is not true because if it were there would be no divorce. Soulmates do not enter and exit our lives at will, they leave us do to death, the physical demise that all of eventually succumb to. There are people who fight the pull of their soulmate, they try to understand why they are so drawn to this person yet they fear the connection as if it would swallow them in their entirety. When you have an undeniable attraction to someone regardless what their standing in life is, their physical appearance or beliefs then you  have met your soulmate.

You can meet yourself soulmate anywhere at anytime and yes you can meet them in an elevator, hallway, football game, online, just about anywhere. When you have a connection that pulls at your heart as well as your head then you belong with that person and you can deny it all you want but it will come to pass and you cannot stop it. All of us have free choice and if you choose not to be with your soulmate then that choice is yours but that person will never leave your mind, heart or life.

You have to be ready to meet your soulmate, you have to throw caution to the wind and take a step forward to be with that person. It takes two people to be together but it only takes one to keep the union from happening. You can stand in denial and your soulmate may be with another but when the time is right for both individuals the meeting will occur as it is written in the stars. Soulmates are meant to be together and will but in the mean time one may be with another person because they need to fill a void in their lives until their soulmate opens their heart up enough to let them in.

Give Me

You say you love me and we are soulmates, then show me you love me, want me, to be with me. Show me you care, show me something because I need something to believe in again, something to hold on to again. I love you so much and you know it but you do nothing but work, working yourself sick you are.

I had this naughty little fantasy about you and I cooking in the nude, we were surrounded by fruits and vegetables and you bent over and oops I dropped a carrot up your ass. Anyway this isn’t the blog to  post details about how my naughty little mind and tongue works but we had fun with all sorts of foods.

See, what you do to me, you make me think thoughts that make me crazy and it isn’t fair, no fair at all. I do hope if we ever do you meet you have eaten your post toasties, cheerios and wheaties because I am going to tear your latino ass up, you hear me? Ya, you sit back and laugh, we will see who is the last one laughing mr.

So do something wonderful for my birthday will you? No, calling isn’t what I am referring to I am talking about something really exciting and kinky, fun and crazy. Come on show me your wild side, some may think you a shy boy but get past that and you are a wild one that hasn’t met your match face to face.

The Hurting

How do you let go of someone you love but you are hurting because of the connection? How do you say I love you but I cannot breathe without you but need too? How do you let go of the sadness that grips your heart? I need to know how because I surely do not know how.

I hate myself for loving him so much because it’s all one sided and is going nowhere fast. I can say he has been my rock, he has been there for me when I almost died but he helped to give me strength to take myself to the hospital. He has helped me through so many times and I have helped him as well.

He says we are soulmates, yet I have yet to meet him and that is what is hurting me so. He says we will meet one day, well one day is here and it’s time to show or go. I cannot keep living this way as it is just to damn lonely and I need to feel a man again, next to me, walking with me, talking with me, making love to me.

It’s a moment of comfort I need so badly, the hug of a naked male chest against mine, just a moment to know that I still can react to a man’s touch. I just want to be happy with someone, someone who loved me as much as I loved them and he is the one, so how do I let go?

Cut Losses

When you love someone, really love them and you feel like they are your soul mate, no you know they are your soul mate but they don’t seem to think so when do you cut your losses and move on?

Do you wait for them to come to you or do you walk and not look back? How do you know when it is time to say so long? How does your heart learn to let go and open up for someone else?

I am so lost and confused when it comes to this part of my life that my head is spinning. He is with another woman I am sure and I feel like a complete idiot hanging on to thin air. So how do I make that final decision to wait or to go?

He reads my blogs practically the second I post and I do not understand why. Is he so conceited he must know what I write, hoping I am writing something juicy about us or him? Does he really want to be with me but is being held back for some unknown reason?

He won’t be here for my birthday, which will be of no surprise to me as he never comes to me even though he knows how hard I fight to make it through each day. I am beginning to think I should have cut my losses and ran a long time ago.


Not everyone has a soulmate, soulmates are brought together by a power stronger than any of us. You can meet your soulmate anywhere at anytime and you don’t always instantly know when you have met that person. Soulmates have an unspoken connection that cannot be described.

You may be very attractive and your soulmate is not attractive to you or others at all but you find something so interesting and mysterious about that one person that constantly attracts you. You may never have met your soulmate but you know there is a connection stronger than anything you have ever felt.

Soulmates, in my opinion are brought together for a special purpose, they have power individually but together they are stronger and more powerful. Soulmates are constantly thinking of each other and no it’s not the same way people in love think of one another.

Soulmates do not look at love the way others do because what they have is a connection deeper than the bone, it goes to the marrow. Nothing can destroy a soulmate connection and they do not have wondering eyes as the pull to their mate is to strong and they fit together like a hand and glove.

When you  are so attracted to someone you want to be with them every minute of every day and the attraction is so, so deep and not like any relationship you have ever had you know you have met your soulmate. Sometimes we meet out soulmate at a young age and sometimes we do not meet them until we are older.

The way I see soulmates is two people who have a “mission” that can only be completed by these two individuals. They change the world in a special way, may it be big or small they make the change happen. These people have such an attraction to each other they can not walk away from each other.


I woke up with more pain and didn’t sleep well as usual when it rains, yes it’s another day of rain and my hips and back are screaming in pain. I really do not like this at all and I am out of pain pills. My hips hurt worse then my back but that is always the case.

I cannot get motivated when it rains, nope can’t get shit done and I am always thinking about “him”. He taught me never to take people at face value, look behind them and check out who they are. He has been a million different men on the internet, all professing to want to know me.

The internet has opened up an entire new world for so many of us and we are now searching for our “soul mate” online. Why isn’t there just a soul mate connection? He hides himself on the internet and I have no idea why he must be such a mystery.

It’s scary in many ways meeting someone on the net, my son almost got caught up in a pedophile situation thank goodness, “he” had taught me so much that I was able to stop a situation that could have ended up catastrophic for my son as well as myself.

Why am I wanting to meet this person? Well, curiosity of course and I am so hoping he is my angel, my soul mate. My luck he is some famous asshole that is used to getting everything he has ever desired and I am obviously one of those things.

You can not make me dance to the riches of this world as I am a very simple person, that prefers simple things and my only indulgence is traveling. I do love to travel but haven’t in so long and I need a rest, a real rest,  just because I am retired doesn’t mean that I am not over burdened and under loved.

My husband tried to change me and you see where he is? Dead, yes he died and left me a mess to clean up but that was always his way. He wasn’t a bad man, no he just wanted to me noticed and accounted for unlike me.

I’m not into being noticed, in fact a room of two people you wouldn’t even notice me as I just blend into the environment. I am not special, not gifted and talented like so many others but I do have my gifts and talents in places that people no longer care about.

I’m reliable, dependable, I love to cook and bake and take care of my family, that is my way the way I was taught by my grandmother’s. They taught me about food, food is the key to so many events and good food, food made from scratch is the best.

I like to take care of my man and that included my husband, I took very good care of him and hated myself for the longest time for not keeping him alive one more time. I had fought for his life so many times but the leukemia beat me this time.

I was the one that kept the family together and when he died I died as well. I was lost in the forest and couldn’t find my way out. My mind was boggled with the thought he had spent every dime I had saved and he had left a shit load of bills that I was responsible for.

He robbed me of my dream, a happy marriage and family, yes I got the family but it wasn’t easy. I had to practically tie his ass down to get pregnant with my son. He didn’t have a sex drive, or let’s just say it was in hibernation most of our marriage.

No, I never cheated on him but became quite friendly with the jets in my bathtub and forgot about him. He was always in and out of the hospital since 2003 and I was always there fighting for him. I was in a one person relationship and it sucked.

We never did anything together and I mean anything, we rarely went out to dinner and never went to the show, we went on vacation that I planned of course and he ruined that for us as well. He was selfish in many ways but he was a kind person as well.

I want to marry again because that is where I thrive and grow but I am in no hurry to get involved as that is scary to me. People leave, they die, they cheat they are not honest, they are greedy and want want want. My wants are so simple you cannot find them in any store.

I am rambling again I know but that is how I work and how I relieve myself of things that bother me or hurt me. I miss my husband but he is in my past and I am ready to be loved, really loved like two people are suppose to be, simply in love and enjoying life together.

Destine To Be

I am very spiritual and believe strongly in God but I am not a “Jesus Freak” or pound the pavement trying to get others to believe in my beliefs. I am a “quiet” believer in God as I carry him within my heart but do not speak of what I believe in to others.

Everyone has the right to believe in their own form of “God” and I believe God has a plan for each and every one of us. I believe that God protects and watches over me and I believe he has chosen who I shall spend the rest of my life with.

I am a one man woman and do not take relationships lightly, I am totally committed or not committed at all and that is how I am when I am involved with someone. That person becomes the only one that gets my affection and I find that hard for others to do.

I want to be of help to the person of my affections and I want to see that their life is happy and I am always there for them. I accept them for who they are and do not try to change them as I do not want anyone to try and change me.

I have my quirks like most people but nothing dramatic or out of the ordinary, I love to make people laugh and make them happy and I enjoy taking care of the one that is receiving my love. Love is defined differently by each person but I believe it is respect, caring, helping, understanding, communication and so much more.

I want love in my life and I want to share my life with another, I have reached the point that I am ready for a relationship. It’s been a year and one half since my husband passed and I have not been with a man since he passed.

You know when you are finally ready to get involved and for me it’s been a hell of a long time but yes I am ready and I know that I am ready to love someone and to be loved by them. I want to be held so bad and feel the arms of a man around me.

I want to lie in bed next to man and feel loved, really feel loved and I want to have fun and enjoy life with another. I hadn’t realized that life without love is quite barren until recently, yes I do want to be loved and to love and I want to laugh and be silly.

I do not know why God is keeping the man of my affections from coming to me but I do believe everything happens when it is suppose to and not a minute sooner. You cannot speed up what God controls and you cannot make things happen before their time.

We are destine to be together one day as that is what God has planned for both of us. He set the wheels in motion three years ago and they are still spinning. One day I will be with my soul mate and that day cannot come soon enough.