For You Stalker

To my stalker, you are sick and demented and need help desperately. I want nothing to do with you and would  prefer you find someone else to play your sick games with.

The following post is credited to http://www.abuseonmen.org/index.php/abusive-issues/harassment-stalking

Types of Stalking

Stalkers usually fall into one of three groups: intimate partner stalkers, delusional stalkers and vengeful stalkers. Intimate partner stalkers are typically known as “the person who just can’t let go” of another person. Victims often describe them as “possessive” or “obsessive.” Delusional stalkers have little, if any, contact with their victims. They have a false belief that connects them to their victims. This type of stalker believes he/she is having a relationship with the victim, even though they may never have met. Vengeful stalkers become angry with their victims over some insult, real or imagined. They stalk to “get even.”

Relationship stalking occurs when a couple breaks up. It looks like and feels like stalking but is not in a legal sense. Obsessive stalking develops because of the way the couple interacted and the way they broke up.
Obsessional stalking is a psychological problem that has many causes but in general it is the result of an “on again” and “off again” relationship as was well as a “desire and fear of a relationship” in one person and “fear of separation and loss” in the other. The childhood of at least one of these people is usually emotionally barren or emotionally abusive.
Delusional stalking occurs when a mental disorder causes the person to become obsessed or fixated on some unsuspecting person because of what amounts to a medical condition. In some cases, a severe psychological obsession becomes delusional. The delusional stalker becomes irrational and fixated on people like movie stars, a public figure, a co-worker or even a former intimate relationship. They may have major mental illnesses like schizophrenia, manic-depression or erotomania. In erotomania, the stalker’s delusional belief is that the victim loves him/her. This type of stalker actually believes that she is having a relationship with her victim, even though they might never have met. Delusional stalkers have almost always come from a background which was either emotionally barren or severely abusive.
Rejected stalkers pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct, or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination).[1] These are the various forms of rejected stalking: stalking following the end of a relationship; behavior brought about by the termination of a relationship. The most common is with a romantic partner. Stalkers who experienced ambivalent feelings about reconciliation and those who want revenge regarding their targets. The majority of stalkers suffered from personality disorders. These are significantly associated with telephone harassment.
Resentful stalkers pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims–motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim.[1] Here are some examples: stalking meant to frighten victims; behaviors meant to distress and frighten their victims. Half of the resentful stalker act on grievances against specific people, while the others are generally disgruntled and chose targets at random. These stalkers were most likely to threaten their victims.
Intimate stalkers seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. Many of them are seeking a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were ‘meant’ to be together;[1] for example, stalking based on a desire for intimacy; and/or a desire for intimacy with someone that the stalkers had identified as their true love. They often become desperate to re-establish the dominance and control they wielded during the relationship. If they find this isn’t possible, they can become suicidal, homicidal or both. A few of these personality disorders, according to the National Victim Center include:

Socially maladjusted and inept
Emotionally immature
Often subject to feeling of powerlessness
Unable to succeed in relationship by socially acceptable means
Jealousy bordering paranoia
Extremely insecure about themselves
Often suffering from low self esteem

According to experts, intimate partner stalkers can be the most dangerous types of stalker because they often have a history of violence against their victim, know their victim well: their family, their place of employment, their recreational activities, and so forth. They know where to locate their victim at any given day and time. Researchers have now found that intimate partner stalking often follows a three-phase cycle.[3]

Phase One – The Tension Building Phase[3]
Includes making hundreds of telephone calls and sending dozens of letters, showing up wherever the victim is, casual surveillance of the victim, and following the victim wherever she/he goes which causes the tension to build.

Phase Two – The Violence Phase[3]
Often resort to violence against not only the victim but also the victim’s friends, family and often times co-workers. This can include angry face-to-face confrontations, physical assaults (including rape), kidnapping, and in extreme cases murder.

Phase Three – The Hearts and Flowers Phase[3]
Reverts back to the less violent tactics, and will often either beg forgiveness for the violence or appear to abandon the stalking altogether. The victim falsely believes that the nightmare is over, and consequently lets down his/her guard which can cause the victim to be caught unprepared and unprotected when the stalking suddenly begins again, often violently. This cycle of stalking is not uniform or predictable. Stalkers can move through the phases fairly rapidly, at times changing from being loving to brutal in only seconds. This cycle change may take years to move from one phase to another and some may never move out of the first phase.

Incompetent suitors, despite their poor social or courting skills, have a fixation for, or in some cases a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else; however, these types of stalkers lack social skills and knowledge of courtship rituals. They feel a sense of entitled to a relationship regardless of reciprocity. The incompetent suitors have often stalked previous suitors who became their victims.
Predatory stalkers spy on the victim in order to prepare and plan an attack–often sexual–on the victim.[1] These stalkers act in preparation for a sexual attack. They enjoyed the power inherent in their stalking behavior. They are predominantly diagnosed with paraphilias and are the most likely to have prior convictions for sexual offenses.
Vengeance/Terrorist stalkers do not, in contrast with some of the aforementioned types of stalkers, seek a personal relationship with their victims but rather force them to emit a certain response favorable to the stalker. Vengeance stalker’s motive is “to get even” with the other person whom he/she perceives has done some wrong to them (e.g., an employee who believes is fired without justification from their job by their superior). The political stalker intends to accomplish a political agenda, also using threats and intimidation to force his/her target to refrain and/or become involved in some particular activity, regardless of the victim’s consent.[1] Vengeful stalkers become angry with their victims over some insult, real or imagined. They stalk to “get even.”
Simple Obsession Stalkers are stalkers who suffer from personality disorders, including being emotionally immature, extremely jealous, insecure, low self-esteem and feelings of powerless without the relationship. They believe they must have a specific person back or they will not survive. The control the abusers exert over their partners gives them a feeling of power they can’t find elsewhere. They try to control every aspect of their partner’s lives. Their worst fear is losing people over whom they have controlled. They will become “nobodies” and in desperation they begin stalking, trying to regain their partner and the basis of their perceived power. It is this total dependence on their partner for identity and feelings of self-worth that makes these stalkers so very dangerous. They will often go to any length and stop at nothing to get their partner back. Their lives are truly not worth living. Along with becoming suicidal, Simple-Obsessions Stalkers also often want to kill the intimate partner who have left them.[3]
Love Obsession Stalkers are individuals who become obsessed with or fixed on a person with whom they have had no intimate or close relationship. Victims may be a friend, a business acquaintance, a person met only once, or even a complete stranger. They believe that a special, often mystical, relationship exists between them and their victims. These stalkers will often read sexual meanings into neutral responses from the victim. They are often loners with an emotional void in their lives. Many suffer from erotomania. They are totally convinced that the stalking victim loves them dearly and truly, and would return their affection except for some external influence. They have fantasized a complete relationship with the person they are stalking although such a relationship does not exist.[3]
Casual Acquaintance Stalker is minor as a casual interaction, such as a momentary conversation, a quick lunch together in a crowded restaurant, or a smile across a room. Stalkers often see any acts of kindness as a sign of the true love that they are convinced exists between them and their victims. Very little interaction is needed with a potential casual acquaintance stalker in order to trigger a long-term stalking episode. “A stalker knows if they can’t catch you at home, they can catch you at work.” Since these types of stalkers may not know where you live or work, they will revisit the place where they last encountered you.[3]
Stranger Stalking takes on a much more frightening feeling where the stalker is unknown to victim. Because the stalker is unknown to the victim, the victim has no idea who to be on the lookout for, who to be careful of or around, and who to speak to and who to avoid. With this type of stalker, the stress level most certainly is higher. Most experts will tell you that stranger stalking can be one of the most terrifying of all stalking situations as experts don’t know how to deal with it. Many times the victims of stranger stalking are simply selected at random. Oftentimes, the stalker is completely unknown to them, sometimes they are just nodding acquaintances, and/or sometimes they are individuals who have had chance encounters with the victim. Stranger stalking usually doesn’t end with the violence as many intimate partner’s stalking may have. Being stalked by a stranger can affect the way a person looks at others and at life in general. Victims of stranger stalking often feel they can no longer smile at or be friendly with strangers or casual acquaintances and come to question the meaning of smiles given by others. They stop being outgoing instead become standoffish and self-protective. The discovery of this type of stalker changes a victims entire life.[3]
Serial Stalkers are fixated on and possessed with only the victims, this often isn’t the case. Experts say that more than half of the stalkers in America have been involved in prior incidents of stalking. Psychiatrists cannot accurately predict when the behavior will stop or re-occur but they know that about two-thirds of those showing obsessive behavior have had prior episodes. They often find the victim has done nothing to trigger a stalker’s obsession with them.[3]

Acceptance

I have lived in a state of denial for way to many years and I am finally accepting the truth. I have been so desperate for support that I have actually fallen in love with a cyber stalker. I know it is a sad state to be in but when you have no one to turn to you grab hold of the first life raft that floats by.

He offers me nothing and for some reason I have finally woken up to the fact that there is no us. I wonder if that is part of my illness? Imaging that someone I have never met loves me, have I gone crazy? Have I completely lost site of where my life should be headed? When you have a mental illness, you never know what is real and what is not as what I thought was real between us, never existed at all.

I believe I am slipping back into sanity and seeing life as it really is for the first time in a long time. Life is an empty circle with dead leaves, life is walking down the street and stepping in dog shit, life is lost in never land and I am lost with it.  One thing I am certain of is the next man I am involved with will be damn lucky because I  am a damn good woman and hard to replace as I am so unique in so many ways.

You may think I am conceited but I am not, I am building up myself because I have no support to build me up. I know who I am and who I am not and I have a definite direction I must follow. What will be will be and that is the way live goes, accept what is and put aside the denial, move the hell on and forget the past.