Mwah Mercury Direct

I filed a police report several weeks ago regarding all of the items stolen by that jerk. Well, the other day Ryan found his laptop in James book bag and some other items. I called the police and filed another report but covered James butt, this kid has nothing and I mean nothing.

The detective called me just now and he wants James to give a statement and needs the receipt of the purchase of the laptop. I buy most things from best buy and they always keep records so I do not have to. The detective will hand over the receipt with the list to the prosecutor and Brandin will be arrested on a felony charge.


Mercury going direct is a great thing because things come to light, we find lost items and information needed comes to light. I go to court Wed. for my felony charge and I will finally have all my legal problems behind me. Now is the time for me to final get what is mine and the next two years will produce those results.

By the end of the month I expect that jerk that ripped me off on a website will cough up every dime, which will make life so much easier for me. Brandin will get nailed for stealing from me and the police dept that charged me with a felony will be facing a lawsuit. By the end of 2015 things will be finally coming up all roses.



Knowledge Man

Our parents shape who we look for in a mate and when you do not have a parent of the opposite sex around then you have a difficult time finding the person for you. I only had my mother to shape my views and so I ended up in bad relationships and allowed myself to be used, abused and manipulated.

My dad and I started to build our relationship in 2007 and I can tell you I have yet to meet a man that impressed me the way my dad did. My dad was a genius, literally and I learned so much from him that I have yet to meet a man that held my interest like my dad. My dad could make me feel so good about myself when my own husband was tearing me down.

My dad loved food, absolutely loved it and there are certain things that my great grandmother used to make my dad that triggered a positive emotion from him. My great grandmother’s lemon meringue pie was one of those foods. I would make him a pie once in a while and he would tell me how much he liked it.

When he was dying I made some chili and took it to him and he couldn’t get enough of it. My dad’s last meal was my chili and that makes me feel really good as well. I miss my dad but I have someone who reminds me of him an awful lot, which is hard to do. The person I speak about is a “knowledge man” because he seeks out knowledge constantly and he enjoys learning.

He is extremely smart and I am not so sure he doesn’t have a genius IQ as well. He reminds me of my father which is new to me because I know of no one like my dad. This person is so like my dad but even better, he has the capability to show love and affection which my dad could not.

I think he is pretty awesome just as he is and behind closed doors I am sure he is pretty special as well. Behind closed doors he can be himself, he doesn’t have to live up to any ones expectations but his own. He can walk around naked if he so chooses and he can be a total slob but I doubt he is a slob every, messy at times maybe.

This person means the world to me and we have a connection that is of soulmates, I respect him immensely and sometimes he surprises the hell out of me. He is everything I have always wanted in a companion and I am his personal cheerleader without blowing smoke up his arse.

Meaty Carcass

The smallest turkey was huge for my little family of four, I have turkey coming out of my ears and I still cannot throw awau the turkey carcass. I am boiling it right now and the meat will eventually fall off of it and I will have a delicious blend of turkey juices and poultry. This is perfect for soups, turkey pot pie, turkey Tetrazzini and turkey and noodles.

I take this and freeze it in several bags so I have the juices and turkey already for another meal. If you have never made turkey Tetrazzini look up the chicken Tetrazzini recipe and substitute the chicken. It is really good and impressive too, lol and it tastes great. Some people refuse to eat left overs but in this house you eat what is here.

A homemade meal is no longer easy to come by but in my house you will always be served a homemade meal. I have frozen crap in the freezer as well but I prefer the homemade meal. I think most people feel that way and kids, well most kids survive on fast food and they flip over a real meal.

The worse part of any meal for me is doing the dishes, it isn’t fair that I slave over a hot stove and have to do the dishes as well. I think if you cook someone else should do the dishes and put them away. Being stuck preparing the meal and cleaning up afterwards isn’t right and I think it is selfish.

The Empty Chair

I was so hoping to have a nice dinner with my kids and James but Ryan didn’t take his meds last night and I saw them today and he took them before I could stop him. Of course he passed out because he has pills for sleeping and so as it goes he fell asleep on the couch and Shelby, James and I had dinner.

The fourth chair sat empty and I avoided looking at that chair because I didn’t want to think about Bob but it was a distraction none the less. This is the second Thanksgiving without Bob and that is a good thing because the second holidays without your spouse is kind of  a landmark for healing.

The first holidays are always the roughest and the second ones you seem to “remember when” and for me it has been easier than the first one for sure. These are mile stones I need before I can move on completely and I am glad I am not in a serious relationship because these are things I need to do myself and for myself.

No one can ever feel what you feel or think what you think and that is exactly why this is my “healing time”. I have to heal myself before I can let myself get seriously involved with anyone. Once I get past this year and the kids birthdays there will only be Bob’s birthday, Shelby’s graduation and our anniversary.

Once I am past those occasions then I will feel much better about getting seriously involved. I would like to meet someone and have a long distant relationship because I would like to know someone slowly. A long distant relationship would give me time to adjust to someone in my life and give both of us a chance to get to know each other while we continued to work on our own lives.

I want to have a lasting relationship and I think working on one slowly gives both people breathing room and not feel pressured. I am not one that is happy to skip down the aisle anytime soon if ever again. I would like to have an open relationship for a while until both of us feel we want to be exclusive.

Too Orange

I have never cared for the color orange and Thanksgiving is known for its pumpkin pie. I hate pumpkin pie but I do like sweet potato pie, just replace the pumpking with cooked sweet potatoes.

It has such a great taste and the kids don’t know the difference, Ryan doesn’t like pumpkin pie so I will make lemon meringue for him. Maybe I will make him a chocolate cream pie for a change.

Nobody likes sweet potatoes but me of course and the only thing Ryan will eat is the turkey and maybe a couple of rolls. Shelby is like me and eats like a bird so I have to adjust how much I make.

Bob always ate a lot and Thanksgiving was no different, he loved the pies I made but I could never get him to eat the crust. The pie crust I make is really flaky and very good but most people are used to dry crust.

Bob used to get up at 3 a.m.  and I would catch him eating a huge plate of pie and I just laughed. He really enjoyed those pies and I get a little smile on my face when I think of him eating it because I know he liked it and it made him happy.

I cried a little today and that is the first time in a long time but I realized I am still grieving. The holidays are rough because I am alone but “C” will be here for xmas so I won’t be alone.

“C” is my rock and I am so thankful for him and it feels so good just to lie together and he listens to me. It just feels so good and he is always playing with my hair because he says it is so thick and soft.

He makes me feel good and that is all that is important and even though I just can’t have sex with him maybe it is just something that will happen in time. This is all too weird for me because I am so damn sexual.


Thanksgiving isn’t Thanksgiving unless the dried onions on the green bean casserole commercials. Seriously, have you tasted that shit? How bland, mushroom soup and green beans with onions on top, yum the fuck ee, not.

I feel the same way about the gizzards and heart, I cook them and give them to the cat or dogs. People forget that bag full of the heart and gizzards and that cracks me up.

I am doing a no no, I am thawing my bird and going to debone him and then put half of him back into the freezer. There is just too much turkey there and it will go to waste and I hate wasting anything.

I have been invited over by two people to have dinner but I am going to stay home and cook. I will enjoy the dinner I cooked and thank God for giving me the strength to get through these troubled times.

Tomorrow I will run to the store and finally buy a new mattress for my bed. I got rid of our mattress after Bob passed away. I put one in layaway but had to let it go, I needed the money real bad.

But it is time to get another mattress and I will put this one upstairs for James. It’s good to have James here because he helps watch over Ryan. James talks to Ryan but Ryan doesn’t listen.

Leg For One

I have to put Turkey Tom into the sink of cold water so he will thaw properly. People leave their turkey out on the counter to that which is a terrible way. Fridge or potable water, potable water is clean water, I know that is common sense but you never know how many people will thaw out on the counter top.

Thanksgiving always ends up cracking me up because I know there will be quite a few necks and gizzards cooked in their own bag inside of that bird. People do not know to feel inside that bird for those food items, I boil them for the cat or dog but Bob used to like to eat the neck, my great grandmother did the same thing with chicken.

I have a nice size bird which is actually stupid of me because I will set the table for one and pull out this beautifully cooked bird and wonderful dinner and I will no doubt fill my plate and look at three empty chairs and I will burst out in tears and push my plate away. Damn, I miss my family so much and holidays makes it even tougher

I could go out to eat but that just isn’t Thanksgiving for me, I like the visual and the smells and  I really miss my conversations with different family members and it gets so damn lonely. I push the sadness out of my mind and try to find a movie to watch, I prefer movies because they have no commercials and I like action movies.

It will probably rain on Thanksgiving which will make it so much worse because I love to lie in bed when it is raining and I wish “C” was going to be here but he can’t. 

Wrong Thought

Most people have no idea what it means to let other’s know they love them because they always think those people will be there. I have learned how precious time is when I lost my entire family in the last five years. Do you have any idea what it feels like to make Thanksgiving dinner and you are the only eating it?

Do you have any idea what it is like to be in front of the tv or computer eating dinner alone? Do you have any idea what it is like to spend holidays alone? I’m not even putting up an xmas tree this year and didn’t last year either because no one cares, the kids don’t care and I cannot do it alone so I don’t bother.

The holidays no longer are fun or exciting for me and the most excitement I have had this month is chatting with some guys on topface.  Of course they are all lieing and probably scammers and that is one thing I have “him” to thank for. I have learned so much about scammers that I have to be thankful to him.

I no longer get scammed and I no longer believe anything anyone says to be online. I invited Mr. Soccer for Thanksgiving dinner, do you think he will fly in from Dubai? I have no doubt he will and I have even washed sheets for his arrival, NOT. These guys think I fell off the turnip truck but they do not know the truth, I own the truck.

Never Single

When people ask me what my marital status is I am not sure how to answer. Am I a widow, a deceased man’s wife or am I single? How can I be single but have children-wouldn’t that make me a three-pack? I will never put my children aside for a man, they are all I have and I am all they have.

My family all decided they like hanging together at the cemetery and I will be sitting here by myself on Thanksgiving because I want my daughter to have a “normal” Thanksgiving where there is a real dinner and pies.

I have lost my desire to cook or bake and that is not a good sign. I adore baking and cooking and I get such pleasure from feeding other’s. This year will be an empty lonely day that I am still waiting for this surprise to show up on my doorstep.

I haven’t told you about the surprise? Several weeks before my birthday (which I spent alone) on November 9-someone contacted me on my facebook I think and said they had a surprise for me. Well, true to form no surprise showed up, like I am stifling my shock, right?

I really need to learn not to let myself look forward to things because it never happens. The surprise lie package I call it. No surprises come my way because they are either non existent or I already know about them, ya it’s called psychic ability.

Just Another Fantasy

Through out our lives we fantasize about so many different things and the number one is love, all of us want and need love. The internet has broken up more marriages than can be counted and we search for our fantasy online now.

I did just that, and yes I found my fantasy but that was all it was, just a faceless name, a scammer, liar, a con. The sad thing is he is a good person trying to redeem himself and only God knows if that is possible.

I do not judge him as I do not wish to be judged but he gave me what I needed when I needed it but God says to me, “Kimberly go after the real thing” and that is what I am doing. I am no longer satisfied with a random phone call or talking to one of numerous aliases online.

I wish him nothing but love, peace, joy and acceptance of himself for who he is and be thankful for the life he has had. Maybe he will remember me fondly and maybe he won’t but I do not worry about.

It’s a sad ending to a person I love but everything and everyone meets their demise eventually and this “relationship” has ran it’s course. I have let it go with the wind as if it were a leaf and it will land elsewhere and go back into the earth.

I am not someone who wishes ill upon others and I am always happy when they achieve their goals, win something or have something wonderful happen to them. I am not envious of anybody and do not wish to have more than I do .

I once let money lead my life but since I have lost my entire family I have realized that having a full table at Thanksgiving is more important than a fancy car, home and a bank full of paper.

My priorities have changed over the years and I have grown so much as a human being that I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved by myself and for my family. I will never be one to want a man to support me other than emotionally and no I don’t want anything more than love and inner peace.