I think we spend so much time making others happy and doing for others that we tend to forget about ourselves and our needs. We spend so much time trying to keep our spouse happy as well as our children and we are looked upon as the matriarchs of the family. We spend countless amount of hours planning trips, dinners, repairs around the house ect. but when do we take the time to look at our own lives and do what makes us happy?

I know I have spent my life doing for others and always trying to make others happy and I have set my own wants and needs aside. I let myself get lost somewhere as I have bent over backwards doing for others. I have always made sure the bills were paid, school supplies purchased, groceries purchased, dinners made, laundry done, mending done, driving the kids to and from events and the list goes on.

I can remember about five years ago I had pneumonia and I drove myself to the hospital and when I was released I got my own prescriptions and drove myself home. I have sat back and examined my life and my time will be here shortly and yes I am going to do for myself everything I have wanted to do but haven’t because I was taking care of everyone else. I do not regret anything I have done or given to my family but it is time for me to think of me.

I have been so focused on caring for my kids and this house that I haven’t spent anytime going after what I want. I want to meet that special person and I do not care if they live on the other side of the world because I would move in a heartbeat for happiness and love. I just want to meet someone who is willing to give up as much as I am to be with me and I want someone who compliments me and I them, is that too much to ask?

Its Time

`Tomorrow I am calling several realtors and getting a price  to sell this house, I will not sign with any of them because it is always best to sleep on a decision before you make it. Realtors try to get a six month commitment out of you and they want a 6% percent commission as well. Well, I will give them no more than sixty days and a 5% percent commission so they can take it or leave it.

All the money I have left is wrapped up in this house and I have a small mortgage that has to be paid off and I have to buy another house. I need to have some money left over so I can find another home in a warmer climate. I refuse to stay in Michigan full time once my son graduates from high school and I will not have much money to work with so  I may end up living in a mobile home park in California.

I hate the weather here and I just want to be free to move as I so wish throughout this world. I wont have enough money left over to buy a decent house elsewhere so I have to be very frugal with the money I do get from the sale of this house. By the time I am ready to leave Michigan my daughter will be a Junior in college and then she will have law school to get through so she will need a home until she becomes an attorney.

My son says he wants to be a teacher and he will go to a local college to get his associates and then he will go onto Eastern University to get his bachelors degree in teaching. That is the game plan anyway but with his Michigan who knows what direction he will go in. I am so tired of being alone and being treated like shit and being taken for granted but isn’t that what happens to parents?

I think most kids expect their parents to be there for them forever and they assume that their parents will always provide for them and in most cases that is what happens but I am alone and it is difficult for me to provide for myself as well as the kids. I have had the opportunity to change my financial standing for the better but I want happiness first and foremost and I refuse to sell myself for a nicer lifestyle without love.

The Who In Me

It’s time for another series of huge changes in my life, out with the old in with the new as well as eliminating people from my life that offer me nothing, not materially but emotionally and mentally. I have let certain people hang around in my life but they have offered me no measure of growth.

If someone is in your life and they teach you nothing, give you nothing emotionally or physically then they must go. I can no longer let other’s stay in my life when they are like a wall hanging, nice to look at but does nothing else for me. It is time for me to grow up and let go of things and people who do not serve a positive purpose in my life.

There isn’t a vacuum with a strong enough suction to suck up all the crap and people serving no purpose for me. It is getting easier and easier to let go and I have been demonstrating that by getting rid of my husband’s things. He is gone, never to come up from the earth again so I have been eliminating his worldly possessions.

I also have been doing that with people, all of us have people who really serve no purpose for us and we have to let them go to make room for those that will really care and love us. It’s time to let go of relationships that are no longer useful to us and open the door for the great winds of change.

I am not angry or even mad at anyone, it’s just time for them to go because they show me nothing and do nothing for me emotionally. I am the most emotional person I know and it is time to nurture that part of myself and to grow. It is the time for endings and new beginnings and for me my love life is paramount for new beginnings. 

I am not rushing out the door into the arms of someone who loves me or will love me, no I am walking out the door into the world and saying “hey, I’m here everyone”. I have no doubt within the next three to six months I will be involved heavily with someone and I can feel this as strongly as I can feel a third degree sunburn.

I am kind of starting to see someone and we will see where it goes and it will no doubt just be a stepping stone for me but if it goes further, great if not that’s ok as well. I am in no hurry to get involved with anyone but if it happens it happens and I will enjoy every second of it. It’s time for Kimberly to start collecting what she deserves.

For those that wanted to be in my life, well you had your chance and the door is closing so don’t bother to put your foot in it and try to keep it cracked open for you. You made the definitive choice not to put your entire body through that door and I can respect that but you must respect that it is time for me to love and be loved and you are not interested in that part of my life, so be it.