It amazes me how strong my need is to be with a certain person, it’s amazing how he feels the same way but is to afraid to move forward. When two people are drawn to each other there is always the one person that has control of meeting the other person. That one person keeps coming back to other person in different ways.

The very thing that keeps these two apart is fear and nothing else as one of the two fears that the other can see right through them and they see the real person that has been hidden for so very long. The one that has the control is usually the one that is running from the one person that sees them for the person they are.

As long as these two people are apart neither one will ever be happy because their happiness is tied to the other person. When both get over their insecurities and fears is when they will find that life together is wonderful and fulfilling. Put aside your fears my dear and open your heart and you will have all that you have ever wanted.

Green Light

Relationships are like traffic lights and one should know when to stop at the red and the yellow is a warning. People try to rush things and that isn’t a good thing for any relationship, all I know is life is too short to wait for tomorrow.

We take time for granted when we really shouldn’t and if you want to be with someone, be with them because you do not know how much time you will have that person. When people really love you they forgive you for your discrepancies and they stand by your side.

If you are one of the foolish ones that want to wait until they have enough money, own a big house and car or can retire then you are wasting precious moments that you cannot afford to waste. We fool ourselves into believing that special person will always be there.

When we realize that the special person is moving on we begin to panick and try to make a connection before it is too late. If you are the one moving on you know that moving on is damn hard but is possible and the one you waited so long for could redeem themselves if they chose but you will not wait for that day, and that is where I am.

I am moving on and yes it is sad and it is a death in many ways but I have to love myself first and let love in my life. I waited and waited, forgave time and time again but I have finally reached the move on point.

I do miss him terribly and when I try to call he no longer answers his phone so I have given up totally. I would have thought he would have called and said he was sorry for forgetting my birthday or that I wasn’t important enough or something was more important, at least something.

This shows me he doesn’t love me or care so moving on is the right choice for me. If he is one of those type that is to ashamed and has no excuse then grow some balls and be a damn man, I have had to grow balls for myself so it can be done.

Love is damn hard to find and when you find someone who loves you and you love them then grab it because love doesn’t ride a carousel and it won’t be there forever. It has taken me so damn long to find love but I have to let it go because it isn’t mutual.

I am spending more time with “C”, I only use the first letter of his name because his name is so damn long, something about those latinos and long names. He is sweet but something isn’t fitting into this picture right and I do not know what it is other than the memory of another.

I wish he would just let me be free, no contact at all so I can move on with “C” because this is the first guy I have started to see since my husband passed. It is different and strange but welcome and comforting. So if you are reading this let me go please because there is no us and never was.

There is no money ever going to you again so forget that and besides you are finally doing well enough on your own again. Let me have the happiness I deserve because you do not want to be with me anyway.

We both know you could have been with me long ago but then that might have caused you trouble with a certain someone at the time. Well, that time is done and over and in your past and you still have chosen not to come meet me, so cut me loose and go on your way, please.

Lash Out No More

I cannot understand why people lash out at others when they are hurt, relationships go south and that is life. Why slash tires, break windows, damage reputations and hurt others because you are hurting. Rejection has always been part of my life and yes I have been hurt, hurt very deeply and I have lashed out but not in a damaging way.

When you love someone it is your gift to them and if they turn their back on you do not let it take you so far down you cannot recover. People need to grow in their own way and time and nothing anyone can do will change that. If the person you love is loving someone else wish them the best not the worse.

I cannot hate for very long as it can consume me and I will not be devoured by pain and the man I love, yes I do wish him and his gf the best because that is me. I want to see the world happy and if I cannot be part of his life there is nothing to be gained by wishing him an unhappy life.

He has always wanted a daughter and he even named his child that hasn’t been conceived Salina. Men have no clue that they do not decide the sex of a child, it is the woman’s body that makes that decision, so blame the woman. He may just have a daughter in the womb of his lover, who knows? Who cares? Not me.

I will continue to pray for him everyday and wish happiness and love for him but I will not shed another tear over what never happened and I will not lose sight of myself because “we” are not together. Anger is unhealthy and hate is damaging to self so why hurt yourself because someone doesn’t love you back?

I have love from God and that sees me through the darkest hours of the darkest days, I pray for peace, love and happiness for all that have left their tracks on my life and I want no harm to come to anyone in the world. My day will come when it is meant to but it hasn’t so far but I am not letting go and giving up.

Destine To Be

I am very spiritual and believe strongly in God but I am not a “Jesus Freak” or pound the pavement trying to get others to believe in my beliefs. I am a “quiet” believer in God as I carry him within my heart but do not speak of what I believe in to others.

Everyone has the right to believe in their own form of “God” and I believe God has a plan for each and every one of us. I believe that God protects and watches over me and I believe he has chosen who I shall spend the rest of my life with.

I am a one man woman and do not take relationships lightly, I am totally committed or not committed at all and that is how I am when I am involved with someone. That person becomes the only one that gets my affection and I find that hard for others to do.

I want to be of help to the person of my affections and I want to see that their life is happy and I am always there for them. I accept them for who they are and do not try to change them as I do not want anyone to try and change me.

I have my quirks like most people but nothing dramatic or out of the ordinary, I love to make people laugh and make them happy and I enjoy taking care of the one that is receiving my love. Love is defined differently by each person but I believe it is respect, caring, helping, understanding, communication and so much more.

I want love in my life and I want to share my life with another, I have reached the point that I am ready for a relationship. It’s been a year and one half since my husband passed and I have not been with a man since he passed.

You know when you are finally ready to get involved and for me it’s been a hell of a long time but yes I am ready and I know that I am ready to love someone and to be loved by them. I want to be held so bad and feel the arms of a man around me.

I want to lie in bed next to man and feel loved, really feel loved and I want to have fun and enjoy life with another. I hadn’t realized that life without love is quite barren until recently, yes I do want to be loved and to love and I want to laugh and be silly.

I do not know why God is keeping the man of my affections from coming to me but I do believe everything happens when it is suppose to and not a minute sooner. You cannot speed up what God controls and you cannot make things happen before their time.

We are destine to be together one day as that is what God has planned for both of us. He set the wheels in motion three years ago and they are still spinning. One day I will be with my soul mate and that day cannot come soon enough.


I am starting to understand how the dating process works these days and wow have they changed considerably in the last twenty years. Things are all about sex and that is the beginning of conversations and then you move on to the get to know you phase.

This is all quite backwards to me but I am finding it fun non the less. I don’t know if he realizes I am kidding with him most of the time but I wish I could see his face for his reactions. I’m sure he thinks I’m an arrogant bitch but I do not mean a single thing I type.

I am just messing with him and I think he is starting to pick up on when I’m joking as I am getting more lol’s out of him which means he is understanding my lack of seriousness in our conversations. I’m glad I  can make him laugh and make him feel care free because I know I do.

He needs just to relax and I think I help him accomplish that, at least I hope I do. I think he works way to much and I think he hides in his work as most workaholics do. His hours may be part of his job but he needs to be good to himself.

I’m starting to believe that he has feelings for me and I like talking to him, I can read him very well which is odd but I can tell when he is stressed out and tired. I’m really looking forward to meeting him and just relaxing together and talking and sleeping.

I know I should be excited about sex but I’m not for some reason I’m more interested in knowing about him and making his body and mind relaxed. I really am looking forward to bathing him and lieing in bed together just touching each other.

I know that is being quite idealistic but sometimes two people can communicate so well just by touching and even though we both have a huge sex drive I really look forward to simple times and relaxing. I know that sounds boring as hell but it can be quite nice.

I’m not going to see much of him as it is so I am not interested in going to any place we cannot talk and get to know each other. He seems like a real nice guy and I really like his voice as it is manly yet boyish which I like. He seems to be getting used to talking to me more and he even offered to talk to me after he jacked off but I knew he needed to unwind.

I get the feeling he contacts me as soon as he walks in his door and that’s a nice feeling, real nice feeling. It’s nice to get to know someone without seeing them then there are no preconceived notions and I do not care what he looks like.

He’s tall and I like that, the men in my family were tall and they made me feel safe and protected so I guess that’s the attraction to height. The 28th can’t get here soon enough for me and that is something I am not used to. I am not used to looking forward to something and I like it, I like it a lot.