It’s Coming

The mornings are beginning to be very cold and ice is forming on the windshield of my car, which should be in the garage but once again I am working on the God forsaken riding lawnmower. I do hope to get it running again and I can put the snowblower attachment on it. You have no idea how romantic it can be working on a greasy engine, lol.

Ryan, James and myself went out to dinner tonight and it was a nice evening for a change. Ryan seems to have been shaken up by talking to a friend about what he did the night he attempted suicide. He has been in dismay and shock because he doesn’t remember a lot of that night and that has scared him.

I started seeing a new counselor today, Barbara just got to forceful on her own opinions of how I should run my life. Gina my new counselor explained to me that I was still grieving and that is why I am confused and feeling lost. That explains quite a bit and helps me feel better because I thought I was going crazy.

I am trying so damn hard to put “him” behind me and it isn’t easy but I must do it. I wish he wouldn’t have told me he wanted to be with me and we would be one because it is nothing but a painful lie. It was a pretty dream but all of us have to wake up eventually and it looks like I finally have.

Baby Killers

Today is Veteran’s Day and I am reminded of my husband because he was in Vietnam. When he returned he was called so many names including baby killer. He never killed a woman or child and he told me he only killed those trying to kill him. Being a vet is hard because they live with memories you and I could never even imagine.

My husband didn’t go because he was strong or brave, he went because our government told him he had to go. He was a young man of 19 who was still wet behind the ears and he was thrown into a war he had no interest in. He ended up getting shot in the leg and he healed and was back in the field.

When my husband’s leg was amputated in 2003 my son was only five but he said “daddy, don’t feel bad you lost your leg, it was the one the bullet went through”. How observant children can be and so damn honest at times. My husband rarely spoke about Vietnam and I could tell it really affected him.

Today I honor all the veterans that gave their lives and all the veterans that survived and fought because they were forced to. No man is a baby killer and to say such crap makes me sick.  We should honor those that men and women and not insulted, blamed or put down. There were no baby killers, just soldiers that did as they were told.