It’s Just Sad

It’s really heart breaking when two people decide to divorce, it’s a death of a different king but just the same it is a death. There is so much anger, resentment and payback going on that the two involved could so easily work things out if they would set aside their differences and focus on why they became one. People fall in love, lust and they think that is all that will make a happy union but it is so far from the truth. You must have the same wants, needs, goals and desires but we grow and change and lose the same goals.

Most marry when they are young, they fall “in love” at an early age and they eventually fall out of love just as fast. We try to be good husband’s and wives but somewhere in the mix we get lost and begin to resent making the choice of early marriage. We want to live, really live but we have tied ourselves down and then we have the choice of doing what we want and what we signed up for and that is when the cheating begins. Cheating ourselves as well as the ones we love.

We cheat to have fun, do things we want and we begin to sneak around and lie and the more we lie the more we want our freedom. We lie to ourselves and to our spouse and we lie because we are sick of having to answer to another person because we never built a solid foundation in the beginning. We do not know who we are when we are young we do not know where we going as we forge ahead making mistakes and errors in judgement but we try our best.

Marriage is so damn hard and as we grow we change and what we once wanted no longer means anything to us and what we need is so damn hard to find. We get lost in our jobs and money and we lose sight of our own happiness and then boom, one day we realize we are miserable with all the shit we have because it doesn’t feed our needs. People grow apart and they get lonely and tired of their lifestyles and it is no longer enough to keep us happy and content and that is why we divorce.

Some people pretend they are thrilled when they sign those final divorce papers but they really are not, they are relieved that the fighting is over but the sadness, the sadness grabs hold of the heart and we no longer feel victorious we feel empty and sad. We are doing the final walk of the marriage and it makes us feel defeated in the end because there were so many good times, memories and times we shared with that person. My divorce did not see the final walk but damn near close because it came to end through death and that is worse than any divorce.

I feel so sad for those that are at the total end of their marriage because I can so relate to every aspect of divorce and I believe I have a greater understanding of the death of a marriage than most. I look back and see so much time wasted that could have been used for better times with my family but my husband died instead and I thank God that he brought us back together so I could be there for my husband when he needed me the most and yes he needed me when he was dieing and I was there.